Interview with Midwife and Sexuality Counselor Evelyn Resh. This interview is one in a series of expert interviews on the eDrugstore.com blog. We add new interviews on a regular basis. Please see our complete list of insightful interviews.
1. From your website: “The more detached we become from life’s pleasures and focus our efforts on productivity, the more fatigue and sensual atrophy we will experience. And with that, our libidinal energy will plummet leaving us marooned in the land of “No”: no time, no energy, no opportunity, no sex.” This is a pretty strong statement. And scary. How do we as individuals avoid falling into the pitfall of detaching ourselves from life’s pleasures?
First of all, I feel it’s critically important to identify the things that bring us pleasure in life and to make every effort to integrate them into our lives on a regular and frequent basis. This includes doing some of these things daily and with a sense of mindfulness. For example, if you really enjoy and appreciate coffee, make time to drink it in your favorite cup, while sitting down at the start of the day. Don’t have it in a paper cup while driving to work.
It completely detracts from the experience and diminishes the sensuality in it. Or, if you’re happy with your intimate partner, make every effort to really stop working by the time you get home and devote your time and attention to one another. Never mind checking emails one more time before turning out the lights! In fact, get into bed a bit early and read together, or have a conversation. And don’t sleep with pajama bottoms on! Tops are one things, but you need the skin-to-skin contact under the blankets. It’s comforting and a great way to keep the sensuality alive at the beginning and the end of the day.
2. Being bogged down as individuals naturally often leads to couples being bogged down. So how can couples learn to avoid the same fate as your website quote from above?
Avoiding sensual atrophy is a disciplined practice. In that regard, it’s like any other practice we have in life that demands attention – like our exercise regimen or maintaining a healthy diet. We have to pay attention and establish rules about what we do to keep things sensual. One thing that I see over and over again is the downfall of intimacy due to the increase in technology and people’s addiction to their Blackberries, email accounts, televisions, and laptops. These are work tools and don’t belong in the bedroom. Also, make an effort to do things with one another like walking together, riding your bicycles, or having dinner at home on a regular basis. These kinds of activities are joyful and sensually engaging. Believe it or not, they can prevent or improve sensual atrophy and bring us closer to one another and back into our relationships as lovers.
3. You mention that sensuality is a core building block for sexual satisfaction. How can couples who “go through the motions” sexually begin to reintroduce sensuality into their relationship?
Again, you first have to decide what you enjoy. Then, make a commitment to participate in this on a daily or at least frequent basis. In my home, my partner and I have a rule that we always greet one another at the end of the day – no matter what we’re in the middle of. So, if I come home after my partner has arrived, we both stop what we’re doing and kiss and hug when I get in the door. It’s become so ritualized that if one of us skips this, the other notices right away and comments. It’s a terrific way of reuniting and reacquainting yourself with this aspect of your being a couple that is shared just by the two of you. It’s a part of my marriage that I really appreciate and that I believe keeps us on track as intimate partners.
4. What are some ways people can work on heightening their levels of sensuality from an individual standpoint?
Scheduling massage on a weekly basis, swimming, yoga, spending time in nature, dancing or a dance class, listening to a variety of music, and playing an instrument are all excellent ways to increase your sensual aptitude.
5. Your book, The Secret Lives of Teen Girls: What Your Mother Wouldn’t Talk About but Your Daughter Needs to Know, handles some pretty heavy issues. What are a few of the book’s take-away points you can share with us?
Being a sexually active teen girl is normal and it’s not the same as being a sexually promiscuous teen. Also, teenager’s sexual energy need not be feared. They need mentoring and guidance, not shaming about their desires. They need an adult confidante that they can rely on and it’s not always their mother. But, this is okay. It doesn’t need to be. It simply needs to be a reliable adult who has good common sense and their safety in mind as well as an understanding of the normalcy of sexual activity in teens. Teens have a right to experience pleasure in their bodies and doing so with good information about keeping themselves as safe as possible from an unplanned pregnancy or sexually transmitted infection will make this possible.
6. Do you believe there is any correlation between a person’s sexuality in their teen years and how behave sexually as adults?
ABSOLUTELY! We often think there is a huge cleft between what happens in adolescence and our experiences and choices in adulthood. This is not the case- especially when it comes to sex. We need to understand that how we talk with and help girls manage with their sexual feelings and desires as teenagers will have an effect on the choices they make regarding sex in their adult lives. I hear this from women in my sexuality counseling practice all the time.
About Evelyn Resh: EvelynResh.com
Evelyn Resh, MPH, CNM, is the Director of Sexual Health Services for Canyon Ranch Health Resorts. In addition to her twice-weekly lectures on women’s health and sexuality at Canyon Ranch in Lenox, Massachusetts; and/or Tucson, Arizona, Evelyn travels the country and the world giving lectures and presentations on women’s health and sexuality for a variety of groups and conferences. She appears regularly on the Joan Hamburg radio show.
Read more of our expert interviews:
Betty Dodson, Renowned Sexologist, Author, Feminist, Educator
Dean Osborne, Human Nature of Cheating
Dr. MP Wylie, Relationship Advisor
We specialize in providing our over 1,000,000 customers with relevant product and condition information created by our professional editorial staff which includes our team of medical writers, medical practitioners, and health educators. eDrugStore.com Staff on Facebook