Highlights
- A man with premature ejaculation (PE) ejaculates sooner than he or his partner would want.
- PE is not just a teenagers’ sexual problem — it affects men of all ages.
- Understanding how to support your partner can help him manage PE.
It begins before it even gets started. You’re enjoying an intimate moment with your man. You want the lovemaking to last, but then . . . he’s done after a few seconds. If this scenario happens regularly, he may have premature ejaculation (PE). Understanding how to support your partner through this stressful problem can make all the difference in your relationship.
Understanding Premature Ejaculation
If you’re looking for a single definition for premature ejaculation, you won’t find it in medical textbooks. While experts agree it is diagnosed if a man ejaculates sooner than he and his partner would desire, there are different views on how to define “sooner.”
According to the DSM-5-TR, the most popular diagnostic manual used by American doctors, PE is a recurring pattern of ejaculation happening within approximately one minute from the start of (vaginal) intercourse. A 2022 study concluded that clinicians can feel confident using the same definition for gay men, as well.
Premature ejaculation is diagnosed when symptoms persist for at least six months and happen in 75-100 percent of intimate situations.
Psychological and Emotional Impact of PE
Good sex keeps the relationship happy and improves our self-esteem. When things don’t go so well, one or both partners may avoid intimacy. The lack of sexual fulfillment can cause frustration and resentment.
Premature ejaculation touches the very essence of masculinity. Most men take pride in their ability to give their partner pleasure. If your man climaxes too soon, he may feel like he’s a failure and a disappointment.
Unfortunately, in our culture, men are reluctant to talk about intimate challenges. And to solve the PE riddle, it’s necessary that he open up to you and that you find solutions and treatments together.
Premature ejaculation can shake his sense of masculinity
Common Misconceptions About Premature Ejaculation
If you suspect your partner may be suffering from premature ejaculation, address it sooner rather than later. Many people believe this is a teenager issue, but it can affect mature men as well. There’s a difference between primary PE, which is a lifelong condition, and secondary PE, which can be acquired at any point in life.
Some couples don’t seek premature ejaculation treatment because they think if a man can have penetrative sex, then it’s not PE. That’s not necessarily true. While some men ejaculate before intercourse begins, others are able to last for a few seconds before losing their ability to control arousal.
How To Support Your Partner Emotionally
As a partner of a man with PE, your attitude and actions may help him deal with the situation. By showing your understanding, you can encourage him to seek treatment. Reassure him that you’re not going to leave because you have intimate difficulties — many men worry about that.
If you’re a woman, remember that most men express feelings differently. Don’t make the mistake of assuming he’s like you! You may get your emotional support by crying over your personal problems to a trusted girlfriend. He may need you to give him some space if he’s stressed.
Your patience means a great deal to him, but don’t forget to take care of yourself, too. Talk about your feelings and how sexual tension impacts your mood. There’s much couples can learn when going through a crisis together — and sexual problems often force us to master honest communication.
Practical Ways To Support Your Partner
Do you sometimes complain that your man would rather unclog a drain than give you a hug in public? Chances are high that helping you in practical matters is his way of showing you he cares. Now, you have a chance to support him in difficult moments the way he understands best — by taking action.
Here’s what you can do to help him through PE:
- Encourage him. The first step for every man with premature ejaculation is to seek medical consultation. He may be anxious about a medical exam, or worried that he’ll have to masturbate in the therapist’s office. Reassure him that PE treatment doesn’t mean having sex in front of the doctor. A physician may need to take a look at his genitals to make sure the issue is not caused by skin sensitivity, but if there are any sexual techniques to try, you’ll receive them as homework assignments.
- Join him. Make it clear to him that you’re ready to participate in therapy or counseling sessions if his premature ejaculation has psychological causes. You’re in it together, and your presence will help him to stop blaming himself for the problem.
- Explore. Relaxation techniques can help your partner feel more in control of his body. Use the homework assignments from the therapist as a chance to create sensual moments of slow pleasure together. Learn deep breathing and manual techniques to help him delay ejaculation.
- Stay positive. Managing premature ejaculation can take time. Your optimistic mindset can help your man keep his motivation high. Notice and talk about signs of progress, even if they are small.
Your positive attitude can support your partner through PE
Navigating Intimacy and Sexual Relations
Your partner’s PE is likely to disturb your erotic relationship. You may not have intercourse as frequently as you used to, and you may experience your own challenges.
Most women need longer vaginal penetration to experience orgasm. When your male partner has PE. you may not get enough time to reach climax. As you’re finding ways to keep his PE in check, get creative with your sexual routines.
Here’s what you can do to make intimacy more pleasurable for both:
- Find alternatives to intercourse, and continue to have fun and experience orgasms. Tantric massages, oral sex, role play — the sky’s the limit!
- Don’t skip penetrative sex altogether, but add lots of stimulation before. Even brief intercourse will feel way different if you’ve had a nice, strong climax before.
- Make friends with sex toys. Even if PE treatment is working, your partner may have an occasional setback. Sex doesn’t have to end when he’s done. Grab a vibrator or a clitoral or prostate stimulation toy, ask him to make good use of it and to enjoy the show!
Find a Way Through PE Together
When your partner’s sexual function suffers, it impacts the whole relationship. Your support and openness are crucial every step of the way — from reassuring him that you’ll find a solution, through trying different treatment options and ways to keep your sex life exciting.
Remember that managing his premature ejaculation is not your sole responsibility. If you feel like home remedies and sexual techniques aren’t enough, find professional help from a doctor or sex therapist.
Last Longer With eDrugstore’s Premature Ejaculation Kit
Don’t let premature ejaculation get in the way of pleasure! With our PE kit, you and your partner can have great sex whenever and wherever you are.
This handy set contains individually packed, must-have items for men who want to prolong intercourse. Keep these desensitizing wipes and condoms with you wherever you go. Get your premature ejaculation kit here.
Anka Grzywacz is a sexologist, reproductive health expert and Certified Sex Coach™. In her online practice she helps busy women and couples solve their intimate problems.