Dealing With Erectile Dysfunction in a New Relationship

Highlights

• Age, anxiety, condoms, and alcohol are common reasons men develop ED in new relationships.
• If you want to build a stable foundation with a new partner, be honest about erectile problems.
• Using sex toys can help you satisfy your partner and keep an erection for longer.
• Dealing with erectile dysfunction in a new relationship is easier with medication.

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Oh, what a feeling! Meeting that new, fantastic person. Romantic dinners, falling in love, planning a future together . . . But sometimes things don’t go as planned. No man wants to think about dealing with erectile dysfunction in a new relationship, but you must address the problem as soon as possible. 

Erectile Dysfunction Is Common in New Relationships

Here’s the sad truth: ED doesn’t magically disappear when you start a new relationship. And even if your penis functioned perfectly with previous partners, you may notice signs of ED with a new person. 

But don’t despair! Understanding why you have erectile dysfunction is the first step to solving this problem. Here are the common causes of ED in new relationships. 

You’re Older

While erections can become an issue at any age, the older you get, the greater the risk. As we age, testosterone levels decrease, which can sometimes lead to erection issues. 

In other cases, the problem isn’t caused by aging itself but by your general health condition. Once a serious disease, such as a heart problem or diabetes, shows up, you may notice an impact on sexual functioning. The same is true for the medication you take to treat those conditions; some have ED as a side effect. 

You Have Performance Anxiety

Having sex with a new person is exciting but can be stressful, too. You want to make them happy and to prove your worth in bed. When you want it so much that your penis stops cooperating, that’s called performance anxiety. It can happen at any age and is common in new relationships. And it’s one of the leading causes of ED among younger men. 

You’re Using Condoms

You’re a clever guy and you want to take care of your sexual health. You know that using condoms in a new relationship is necessary, at least until you decide to go exclusive and get tested. 

But putting that rubber on doesn’t always go smoothly. The package won’t open, it doesn’t roll all the way down — you name it. Before you know it, your erection is gone, you get nervous, and you can’t get hard again. It’s a vicious circle, but time and experience with that new partner should help you relax and make this easier. 

You’re Drinking Alcohol

A new relationship means intensive dating. Dinners out on the town, hot dates at home with yummy takeout — and wine or another alcoholic beverage. Alcohol can give you a boost of sexual energy and confidence, but in the long run, alcohol is not your friend, especially when you have one drink too many.

Talking About ED With a New Partner

When we meet someone new, we try to be the best version of ourselves. But omitting key facts or misrepresenting your situation is a mistake. To build a solid foundation in your relationship, you must be honest, and that includes revealing significant health concerns, such as erectile dysfunction.

Here’s how to talk about ED with a new partner:

• Admit it’s uncomfortable. Don’t try to pretend it’s not a big deal; you know that it is. You want to have great sex with that person, and erectile problems stand in your way. Tell him or her that you want to discuss something that’s a bit embarrassing and explain why it’s important. If your partner cares about you, they will appreciate the honesty.
• Don’t assume they know everything. If you’ve been living with ED for some time, you may think everyone understands what it is and how to deal with it. That’s not true. You may be the first man with ED your partner has dated. Explain everything in plain language, or see your physician together so that your partner can get accurate answers.
• Get them on board. Successfully dealing with erectile dysfunction in a new relationship takes teamwork. Ask your partner to support you as you make lifestyle changes and work through treatment. Together, you can find creative ways to enjoy sex even if ED symptoms persist.

Tips for Dealing With Erectile Dysfunction in a New Relationship

ED doesn’t make things easier in the bedroom, but you can still have lots of fun if you get creative. Here’s how to make the most of intimacy, even when you can’t get rock hard.

Enjoy Oral

Oral sex is sex, too. And on those days when your penis won’t cooperate, it’s a great alternative to penetration. You may not get super hard, but you can still enjoy the sensation.

Your partner can add temperature play (for example cool their mouth with ice cubes or warm it up with a hot beverage) before going down on you. And don’t forget that giving oral pleasure can be as satisfying as receiving it!

Embrace Soft Play

Who said that a penis is only useful when it’s fully erect? There’s so much you can do with it!

If your partner is a woman, you can stroke her vulva and tease her clitoris with your penis. Once you get a bit hard, you can have shallow intercourse. And you’ll be surprised how pleasurable it might feel! The head of your penis is very sensitive. If your partner is a man, you can still enjoy mutual masturbation or body-to-body rubbing.

Use Toys

If you struggle with erectile dysfunction, sex toys can be your best friends.

• They help you please your partner. If you lose an erection, a dildo or a vibrator can help you finish what you started with penetrative intercourse. You can also put on a penis sleeve to have sex with a half-erect penis.
• They help you keep an erection. Masturbation devices can get you in the mood. And penis rings and high-tech vibrators are designed to maintain hardness.
• They add spice to your sex life. Adding a bit of humor or thrill to your erotic routine is easy with adult gadgets and costumes. Go ahead, indulge in some role play or check out what the “50 Shades of Grey” hype was all about and try some light spanking.

Yes! Vibrators for men do exist. And they can help you get an erection. 

Go Beyond Intercourse

There’s truth to the saying that the brain is your biggest sex organ. Have you ever had a wet dream and orgasmed for real — without touching yourself or being touched? Human sexuality is rich, and imagination can play a large role.

If you and your partner are both comfortable with it, experiment with consensual kink and BDSM practices, such as bondage or role play. Or engage your senses through the ancient wisdom of tantra.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Here’s everything you need to know about erectile dysfunction in a new relationship.

Should I Tell My New Partner About My Erectile Dysfunction?

The harsh truth is that you can’t hide ED in a new relationship for too long. Sooner or later your partner will notice it’s not a one-off thing but a persistent sexual problem. It’s a personal decision, and only you can decide if and when to have that conversation. It may not be easy, but talking about ED will make your relationship stronger in the end.

How To Talk to a New Partner About ED

Find the right time and place where you’ll feel at ease and no one will disturb you. It’s not a good idea to have that first conversation in bed — a neutral setting usually works better. Some people find it easier to discuss difficult topics while walking.

Don’t be afraid to admit it’s uncomfortable — it will help you take some of the initial pressure off. Tell your partner that you care about them and want to be intimate. Invite him or her to get on board and find the best treatment and creative ideas to keep the sexual flame alive.

How Soon in a New Relationship Should I Disclose ED?

For lots of men, the fear of disclosing ED is so strong that they avoid the topic for years. This may lead to misunderstandings because your partner may think you don’t find them attractive anymore.

You don’t have to share information about your ED right away, but once the relationship enters a more committed stage, it’s usually the right time to talk. It will help build a foundation of honesty and trust for years to come.
Find a comfortable moment to talk to your partner about your ED.

Will ED Ruin My Relationship?

You can never know how another person will react to difficult news. If you notice a panicked reaction, give your partner a day or two to digest the information. In the meantime, offer to answer any questions they may have.

A partner who cares about you will support you as you seek the right ED treatment. If she or he gets scared off by the challenge, it’s unlikely the relationship was built on solid ground. Sometimes it’s possible to clarify misunderstandings with the help of a sex therapist.

Can I Still Have a Satisfying Sex Life With ED?

Absolutely! But to have fun even when erections aren’t reliable, you need to change your thinking about sexuality. It’s not all about penetrative intercourse!

Building intimacy in a new relationship is a chance to create your own rules and fun rituals. Explore creative ways to touch, spice it up with sex toys, and learn techniques that bring you and your partner pleasure even without an erection.

“Your brain is where it all starts, and it’s where it can all end too. Thoughts alone can release adrenaline, which can short-circuit the penis and prevent it from getting or staying hard.” – Aaron Spitz M.D. “The Penis Book”

Does Erectile Dysfunction Mean I’m Not Attracted to My Partner?

Absolutely not! The only person who can decide if you’re attracted to your partner is you. In most cases ED has other causes, such as underlying medical problems or psychological challenges, such as depression. If your relationship is going through a difficult period, you may also notice difficulties in the bedroom.

Can A Man Have ED With One Partner But Not With Another?

It’s possible to have symptoms of erectile dysfunction with a new partner, even if you’ve never had a sexual problem before. There’s no single answer as to why this happens but here are some common reasons:

• You had a long sexual abstinence. Men who resume intimacy after years without any sexual contacts may be unpleasantly surprised. Changes in physical health, psychological problems, or getting used to a certain way of masturbating can lead to erection difficulties during partnered sex.
• You have sexual anxiety. If you find your partner super attractive and want to prove yourself in the bedroom at all costs, your body may start playing tricks on you. The more tense you get about your ability to perform, the more difficult it will be to get and maintain an erection. It’s called psychological ED.
• Your partner’s experience and preferences play a role. If you have an inexperienced partner, it may be more difficult to get and stay aroused. For example, she or he may interrupt erotic play, uncertain what to do. In rare cases, there’s some mismatch in lovemaking styles. Your partner may always choose a position which is physically demanding and you get too tired to continue. Or she or he may like talking dirty, which will distract you and interrupt the flow of arousal and erection.

How To Gain Confidence With ED in a New Relationship?

Every man can be a good lover, even if he has erectile dysfunction. The key is to understand your own body and work with it. For example, if you have the best erections in the morning, plan your intimate encounters accordingly.

The art of lovemaking is all about learning how to please your lover. Ask her or him to share fantasies and desires. If you don’t know a particular sexual technique, watch an educational video or read a sexology book.

What Are the Causes of Erectile Dysfunction in Young Men?

The causes of ED are similar in all age groups; it’s the frequency that can vary. For younger men, psychological causes are more common than medical conditions or lifestyle factors.

Inexperienced men are so focused on proving themselves in bed that they develop ED anxiety in new relationships. Ironically, worrying about getting ED may cause so much stress that you can start having erection problems for real!

How Can I Support My Partner Who Has ED?

Finding out your partner has erectile dysfunction may come as a shock. The more you learn about sex with ED, the better you’ll be able to support him. Make sure he knows you still find him attractive and it’s OK to enjoy intimacy without intercourse.

Lots of men are ashamed to seek medical help. Your role is to explain to your partner that with the right treatment, you can go back to penetrative sex in no time.

Supporting a partner with ED may be emotionally draining — don’t forget about your own needs. If you can’t have regular intercourse, you can still masturbate to get some sexual release. And if you feel mentally overwhelmed, get a few sessions with a counselor.

Is Erectile Dysfunction Curable?

In some cases, depending on the cause, ED is reversible. Treatment will depend on the root cause and often involves a mix of medical and psychological interventions and switching to a healthier lifestyle.

Even in situations where ED is not reversible, you can treat the symptoms with PDE5 inhibitors like Viagra, Cialis, and vardenafil are a safe and effective way to deal with ED and work well for most men. Counseling or psychotherapy may provide extra support, especially with psychological ED.

How eDrugstore Can Help

Don’t let ED sabotage your relationship. At eDrugstore, we offer all FDA-approved erectile dysfunction medications. Talk to one of our U.S.-licensed physicians to find out which one is right for you. Why wait? Learn more about lifestyle medications to treat your erectile dysfunction and place an order today to make ED a thing of the past. Shipping is fast, discreet, and always free.

Disclaimer: This article provides general information about health and related topics but is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.