Our sexuality is much more than a physical connection. Many ancient cultures have explored the mind-body link in lovemaking. There is much to learn about sex from the ancient teachings of tantra.
This article explains the tantric approach to sexuality and how men with ED can benefit from it. Learn how to have satisfying sex without reliable erections. Get tips on deepening the bond with your partner without intercourse.
What is Tantra?
Barbara Carrellas, author of the bestselling book “Urban Tantra” describes it as an “embodied spiritual practice.” What she means by this is that tantric practitioners treat physical experiences, such as breathing or sexual pleasure, as the pathway to the spiritual world.
The origins of tantra are very complex. It came to life in ancient India and has reached the western world in the colonial era. Today when we think of tantra, we connect it with sex. But it’s not just about that. “Tantra is first and foremost a personal practice of liberation,” explains Carrellas.
Can Men with ED Practice Tantra?
Tantra made headlines in the 1990s thanks to Sting. The pop star revealed in an interview that he and his wife could make love for hours, applying the tantric techniques. Then, in ,a later conversation, the singer said he had been misunderstood).
If you struggle with erectile dysfunction, sexual marathons may sound like science fiction. As you expand your thinking beyond intercourse, a whole world of possibilities opens. Tantra treats sexuality as something more than penetration.
Men with ED can benefit from practicing tantra in many ways:
- By learning to relax, they can reduce ED caused by performance anxiety.
- They can improve their health by engaging in practices involving movement, for example, dynamic meditation or tantra yoga.
- They can learn ways to bond with their partners without intercourse.
- They can learn to find sexual satisfaction when erection is not possible.
Breathing Techniques to Awaken Sexual Energy
Tantra teaches us that we all have sexual energy. It’s called kundalini and is depicted as a snake resting in our pelvic area. With proper breathing and awareness, we can awaken this energy and guide it upwards to touch our hearts and minds.
Tantric practices focus on awakening the kundalini and allowing its flow within us. Sexual energy that’s not stuck in the genital area allows us to experience deeper orgasms and connect to our lover at the heart level.
You can enjoy tantric breathing even if you’re not much into all that spiritual stuff. Concentrating on the flow of air within your body will help you lower your stress levels. The more relaxed you feel when you make love, the easier it will be for you to achieve an erection.
Here is an example of a simple breathing exercise, inspired by tantric teacher Dr. Shakti Malan: Sit down cross-legged or lie on the floor. Place your hands on your crotch.
As you breathe in, tense your pelvic floor muscles (the ones you use to stop the urge to pee) and move your left palm up your body until you reach the top of your head. Breathe out, release the muscles, and slowly guide the left palm back down to your crotch.
Try to imagine the stream of energy circulating up and down your body as you continue to breathe this way for at least ten minutes.
Bonding Without an Erection
Tantra is perfect for those days when you can’t get an erection and have full intercourse. Use this time to bond with your partner and deepen your connection. Try the famous yab-yum meditation.
This practice doesn’t have a particular aim but it will bring you closer together. You can do it in your clothes or naked. There are several options, depending on how intimate you want to get, and also on your physical abilities.
The easiest way to do it is to sit cross-legged, face to face on the floor. Make sure you are touching each other, for example, by placing your hands on your partner’s knees. A more spiritual way to approach this is to place your hand on your lover’s heart.
All you have to do here is pay attention to your breathing. Try to keep eye contact. Looking into your partner’s eyes can be a powerful experience. If you are ready to move closer, the final version of this position is to have the woman sit on her partner’s lap and wrap her legs around his hips.
While traditional tantric practices described this meditation for male-female couples, same-sex partners can use them as well.
Shallow Penetration for Unreliable Erections
What’s great about tantra is that its focus is not on penetration or even orgasm. If you have ED, this can take a lot of pressure off. No more stressing about getting hard if you can enjoy intimacy in other ways.
One of the approaches to try out is shallow penetration. Focus on sensual touch and if you get erect at some point, you can enter your partner. Stay this way without moving too much. The entrance of the vagina is very sensitive for women, so she will get a lot of pleasure from it.
And if it’s one of those days when your hard-on comes and goes, use your flaccid penis to stroke your partner’s vulva. This way your sexual energy centers will be in contact.
Tantric Massage for Him
Massage is always a good idea if you want to introduce some variety into your erotic life. And you don’t need to get erect to have fun with it!
Get inspired by the art of tantric massage and explore giving and receiving pleasure. To learn the basics, you and your partner can watch an educational video on lingam massage. Lingam is a Sanskrit word for the penis.
The idea behind a tantric massage is not sexual release in the form of ejaculation. Yes, it can happen, but the focus should be on giving the man full attention and admiration. The receiver should focus on the sensations and observe his emotions. Think about it as a form of meditation or a sacred ritual.
Don’t forget to use a natural oil for this massage. Create a sensual atmosphere and take your time. Your lover should warm up your whole body, especially the hip area, buttocks, and upper thighs before touching the penis and testicles. Enjoy!
Getting Medical Help
Tantric practices can be an excellent way to enjoy sex if you have ED. They cannot, however, replace medical advice. If you notice difficulties getting hard, talk to your doctor first.
Anka Grzywacz is a sexologist, reproductive health expert and Certified Sex Coach™. In her online practice she helps busy women and couples solve their intimate problems.