Interview with Marriage and Family Therapist Michael Halyard. This interview is one in a series of expert interviews on the eDrugstore.com blog. We add new interviews on a regular basis. Please see our complete list of insightful interviews
1. You take a strengths-focused approach to counseling. Can you explain what this entails and why this approach might be of benefit over traditional “tell-me-your-shortcomings” approach?
I was exposed to the strength-based approach while working as a social worker for foster children, and found that it works great as part of my therapeutic approach. This approach assesses a client’s strengths and then builds on them to help the client get through their current situation. Everyone has strengths as well as weaknesses. Even people who are struggling have coping skills that work.
This approach inventories a client’s strengths to figure out what coping strategies have worked in the past, and to help the client utilize them and build on them for their current situation. A strengths-based approach is good because it also helps empower clients without stigmatizing them with diagnoses and disorders. Also, with this model, the therapist partners with the client rather than being an expert on a pedestal, which often makes it easier for the client to work with the therapist. Clients are experts in their own lives, and once the picture becomes clear for them, they will be the best judge on how to proceed with their lives.
2. You also specialize in a holistic approach to treatment. Can you elaborate?
A holistic approach overlaps with a strength-based model. This approach takes into account the whole picture and context of what is going on for a client, rather than focusing 
on one aspect–like a client’s diagnosis–and like a strength approach builds on a client’s strengths. This approach looks at all aspects of a client’s life –including both the larger systems at play like family, society, as well as individual factors, like diet, exercise and social support–to see how a client’s situation developed and how to overcome it. Often a client’s problem is a solution for a different problem. For example, a client may have difficulty expressing themselves because in the past doing so would lead to being criticized. As part of this approach, I work with clients to help them function harmoniously in the world, while connecting them with purpose and meaning in their lives.
3. How can journaling help clients in therapy?
Therapeutic journaling is an excellent supplement to therapy and helps clients get in touch with who they are. There is no right or wrong way to journal, but the way that seems to work well for most people is to write in a spiral notebook every day thoughts and feelings of what is going on in their world, usually done at the end of the day. This should be done in as a stream of consciousness, without editing or re-writing. Journal writing is unlike other writing in that the focus is on the process, not the end result. If it is done every day, soon memories, thoughts and feelings will emerge and there will be new insights into patterns, feelings, and blocks. Clients may also get some answers for problems which have been eluding them for years. For example, a client might figure out the origin of their anxiety. I also assign journal writing specifically for depression, where I have clients write down three things that went well during their day every evening. This reminder of the positive often can have a significant effect on helping clients feel better. Gratitude lists are also great–where clients write down everything for which they are grateful. This is in contrast to how many people think, which is focusing on the negative aspects of life.
4. What tips would you give to someone who is considering a serious relationship with a recovering addict of any sort?
When someone is considering having a serious relationship with a recovering addict, if the recovering addict is really recovering, there shouldn’t be a problem. If the addict is in recovery and has a solid foundation for that recovery and is working some kind of program–as well as some clean / abstinence time–then being with that person shouldn’t be any less fulfilling than being with a so-called “normie.” In fact, if the addict is working a 12-step program and have completed the steps, chances are they will know themselves well and live a life in which they are constantly taking inventory of themselves, correcting mistakes, and living an ethical and commendable life. If someone is considering having a relationship with someone who is still active in their addiction, that’s a different story. It’s hard for a person with an addict who is still using not to be co-dependent and focused on trying to help that person. As they say in 12-step programs, however, “you didn’t cause it, you can’t cure it, and you can’t control it.” An addict will only stop when they are ready, and unfortunately there’s not much you can do to speed that process along.
5. What three tips would you give to someone in their 30’s or older who wants to set down a path of happiness and personal fulfillment?
Life is a wonderful gift, and it’s important for us at every age to maintain gratitude and be thankful for what we have. Part of the key to happiness and personal fulfillment is to know what your values are, and live a life in accordance with those values. Often people get off track when they are living not in accordance with their own values, but in accordance with values of others or values of the culture. For example, if an individual’s main value is altruism, and that person is working for a corporation that negatively impacts humanity, then it makes sense that the person wouldn’t be happy there. That individual may rationalize the decision to keep his job due to the high salary, but as we all know, money does not make people happy. The other thing is to follow your bliss. Often in therapy, I find that part of my job is re-connecting people with their passions. Knowing oneself can’t be understated. I believe that everyone can benefit from therapy. Therapy can help people clarify their values and live their lives in harmony with their values and environment. Therapy can also help people make unconscious patterns conscious, and change beliefs that are holding them back. We become the individuals we are because we are adapting ourselves to our childhood family environment. When we grow up, often we are still playing those same roles we did in our family of origin–designed to get our needs met–but now these roles may no longer work. Also, we may be repeating negative patterns in our lives because unconsciously we are looking to get a different outcome and heal ourselves. Therapy can shed light on these and heal the childhood wounds, making for a more fulfilling life.
About Michael Halyard, LMFT, MBA: SFTherapy.com & SanFrancisco-Psychotherapy.com
Michael is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and provides counseling and psychotherapy in his San Francisco private practice. He specializes in addictions, depression, anxiety, couples counseling and LGBT issues. He has worked with clients from diverse backgrounds and ages, sexual orientations, and is culturally sensitive and competent. He is adept at helping people with a broad range of problems and diagnoses. Some of his clinical areas of focus include relationships, chemical dependency recovery, compulsive gambling, sex addiction, coping with chronic illness, anxiety disorders, and depression. He has also been involved in starting up counseling programs. Michael holds a Masters of Science degree in Clinical Psychology from San Francisco State University.
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