Highlights
- Transgender relationships still face challenges and discrimination.
- Transgender dating apps can provide a safer space to meet new people.
- Transgender couples should practice honest and clear communication.
- Sexual health is as important for trans persons as it is for everyone else.
Modern dating, love, and sex can be complicated. If you’re a transgender person (or dating one), there’s even more to unpack and make sense of. Here’s how to navigate transgender relationships successfully and safely.
Understanding Gender Identity and Expression
Transgender relationships refer to romantic and/or sexual connections where one or more individuals identify as transgender. Gender identity of a trans person is different from the sex they have been assigned at birth.
Some people who identify as transgender choose a path of gender affirmation, also known as gender transition. There is no one correct way to do this.
Some people choose to live in their current body but using a different name and pronouns. Others decide on some form of physical transition, for example, taking hormones or having surgery.
In some countries and states, it’s possible to go through a legal gender affirmation process, including an official change of one’s name and documents.
How To Approach Transgender Dating
Dating as a transgender person can be challenging because of transphobia. This form of discrimination shows up as hatred, even violence towards trans people. Sometimes it’s more subtle, but can still make simple things like dating difficult. For instance, your dating app profile may be reported because other users assume you’re lying about your gender.
Some dating apps are designed for the LGBT+ community
If you’re looking for a safer start to dating in the online world, try dating apps for the LGBT+ community. As with any niche app, the pool of people you’ll be able to meet will be larger in big cities or if you’re willing to travel to meet someone.
Many trans people are asking themselves, “Should I come out as trans in my profile?” Again, there is no right answer here. Some people want to be recognized in society as a man or a woman, and there’s no obligation to label yourself as trans.
If you’re feeling insecure going on dates with people, try a video dating option first. This way you can get a feel for who they are and how they react to you. You can also use this chance to come out to them if you wish.
Keep in mind that your gender identity may come up once you start dating someone. Think how you want to approach this conversation. If you’re not looking for a casual fling but something more serious, try to build an atmosphere of honesty and trust from the beginning.
Making Transgender Relationships Work
Transgender partnerships are not different from any other type of relationships. Love is love, and we all need to feel accepted and connected to others. The challenges you will encounter in your love life will depend on your relationship situation.
When Both Partners Are Trans
This may be easier because you have similar experiences related to gender identity. Still, no two people are the same, and you may have different ideas and plans, for example, regarding gender affirmation.
Don’t assume you know what your partner thinks and feels because they are trans, too. If something is unclear or surprising, ask and keep an open mind.
If One Partner Is Trans
When one of you is a transgender person, talk about what it means to be in a relationship in a world that’s often hostile towards diversity. Do everything you can to understand one another and your unique perspectives.
Learn the basics of empathic communication, including:
- Active listening
- Asking open questions
- Solving differences constructively
In some couples, one partner may discover their transgender identity years into the relationship. In that case, working with a counselor (or family therapist if you have children) may be useful to help you through this major life change.
Intimacy and Sexual Health
Whether you’re single or in a committed relationship, sex is a great way to bond and boost your sense of fulfillment. But for trans people, it may be full of landmines. Here’s some advice for finding your way through them.
Staying Safe
When you’re meeting a new person and considering having sex with them, take into account that they may be surprised (or even shocked) to discover your identity. Have a safety net: Share your location with a friend and always trust your instincts.
Think about your and your partner’s sexual health and birth control in advance. Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can happen to anyone, regardless of gender. Even without intercourse, you can contract or pass an STI through oral sex, handjobs, or sharing toys.
Depending on the type and stage of your physical transition, if you or your partner were born with a uterus and ovaries, one or both of you may still be able to get pregnant. If that is the case, discuss birth control options with a doctor.
Finding Intimate Pleasure
Sex as (or with) a transgender person can be fun and mutually satisfying. The important rule: Don’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with because your partner wants to try. If you’re not ready, give yourself time.
If you’ve never had a transgender sexual partner, don’t be afraid to ask what they enjoy and what their no-no’s are. Having specific genitals doesn’t mean a person wants to use them in a “traditional” way, for example, for penetrative intercourse.
Sex toys are a great option to add some variety to your sexual routines. You can now find innovative products made with trans persons in mind.
Challenges to Transgender Love
Gender identity is a heavily debated topic, and transgender relationships face many real life challenges. Laws vary from state to state and country to country, which impacts people’s ability to lead a happy, fulfilling life together.
If one or both partners are trans and wish to get married, it may not always be possible unless the trans person goes through full legal transition. The same applies to having children, especially if adoption or surrogacy are the preferred way to become parents.
Living in a world which is prejudiced against transgender persons is not easy, and you may feel like there’s not much you can do. But help is out there. Informal networks and nonprofits can provide you with information and support, such as legal advice or psychological counseling.
Here’s where to seek help:
- The Trevor Project (helpline for young people)
- Transgender Law Center (for legal support)
- Trans Lifeline (community support for and by trans people)
eDrugstore Is Your Trusted Source of Information
At eDrugstore, our mission is to be your reliable source of information on sexual health and wellness, regardless of gender identity. Our online pharmacy is there for you if you need a specific treatment for a sexual health condition or common problems like premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction. When you order from eDrugstore, virtual health visits and shipping are always free.
Anka Grzywacz is a sexologist, reproductive health expert and Certified Sex Coach™. In her online practice she helps busy women and couples solve their intimate problems.