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Everybody lies. Remember this famous quote from the hit series “House, M.D.”? As harsh as it may sound, it’s not so far from the truth. While people may not deliberately lie in the doctor’s office, they definitely choose to avoid certain answers.
Studies show it is common for patients to withhold information from their doctors. Talking about embarrassing problems such as ED can be hard when you see your physician one to one. The whole thing gets even harder if you bring your partner along to the appointment.
Patients don’t tell their doctors the whole truth
Visits to the doctor can be embarrassing. Taking clothes off might be involved. You also get asked many private questions about your lifestyle and health choices. In the case of ED, you have to talk about your sexual life with an almost complete stranger.
Medical appointments can be so embarrassing that people withhold key information from their providers. A 2018 study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) revealed patients usually don’t tell the whole truth out of shame. They don’t want to feel judged or lectured about their behavior. Some don’t want to admit that they have a certain problem in the first place.
This might be especially true with sensitive issues such as bedroom performance. Modern men, raised in the cult of the “perfect lover” find it hard to admit that they can’t get or keep an erection long enough please their partners. Going to medical appointments with your lover can make the whole thing even harder. You may not mention your worries about erectile functioning out of fear that your partner would judge you.
Sure, sexual problems are a concern for both partners but it doesn’t mean you have to do everything together. To deal with ED effectively you need a diagnosis and appropriate treatment. Once you’ve got it covered, you can prepare to have an honest conversation with your spouse or partner.
What will the doctor ask about if I have ED?
Keep in mind that the doctor who diagnoses your erectile dysfunction will ask you questions about your lifestyle and bedroom choices. For example, you may have a history of STIs (sexually transmitted infections) your partner doesn’t know of. The doctor will also want to know about your smoking and drinking habits as these may affect your circulation and general health. You also may have a drug history and would prefer not to mention it to your partner at this point.
The doctor will also inquire about your mental health such as the history of depression. If you don’t feel comfortable discussing any of these in front of your partner, you might be better off going to that medical appointment alone.
Why it’s important to be honest with your doctor?
While it may be hard, answering the physician’s questions truthfully is crucial to get the right treatment. Withholding information can have serious consequences.
For example, ED drugs such as Viagra should not be taken when you have certain health conditions or take certain medication. Drugs some men take for cardiovascular problems, combined with ED pills, can lead to blood pressure problems. In most cases taking Viagra may still be possible but the doctor will need to adjust the prescription to match your situation (like tell you to maintain a safe interval between pills).
Should I tell my partner about ED treatment?
While there is no obligation to attend medical appointments with your partner, it’s still a good idea to talk about your problems and recommended treatment after you have seen your physician. Erectile problems are best handled when both partners are involved.
Also, if you keep a secret from your partner, they will still notice something is wrong and it can lead to tension between you. If you don’t know how to start a conversation about ED because you feel embarrassed, start by… admitting you feel awkward. Naming your fears is the best way to overcome them. Your partner may have tons of questions about the effects of ED pills on your health and bedroom habits. Take a look here to better understand available ED treatments.
Anka Grzywacz is a sexologist, reproductive health expert and Certified Sex Coach™. In her online practice she helps busy women and couples solve their intimate problems.