Highlights
- Sex after menopause is challenging for some women due to physical and psychological changes.
- Menopause can affect her emotions and self-esteem.
- Lubrication is a common problem in menopause — always have some lubricant at hand.
- By getting treatment for your erectile dysfunction, you’ll give her more time to become aroused during intercourse.
It usually starts in her forties or fifties — your wonderful wife or partner who used to love sex is now avoiding it. Physical and emotional changes of menopause can take a toll on intimacy, but not all is lost! As her partner, you can help her reclaim desire, feel hot again, and enjoy sex after menopause.
How Menopause Affects Her Sexuality
The first thing to remember is that menopause doesn’t happen overnight. A woman’s body gradually shuts off menstrual cycles and ovulation. This is called perimenopause and can take as long as eight years! Actual menopause is confirmed when she hasn’t had her period for 12 months.
The whole process is regulated by hormones, which means her body will change. Her breasts may become tender, she may not get as wet as she used to, and intercourse can be painful.
In addition, some women gain weight during menopause, which can impact their self-esteem. Psychological changes, such as mood swings or even depression, can also lead to a drop in libido.
How You Can Help Her Enjoy Sex After Menopause
As a man, you probably want to enjoy sex with your partner as much as you want to satisfy her. The good news is that you can help her overcome the obstacles caused by menopause.
It’s important not to take full responsibility for her happiness; intimacy is teamwork. However, there are things you can do to boost her interest in sex.
Don’t Fight the Elements
Women in menopause are often portrayed as unpredictable and a bit crazy. While that’s an exaggeration, menopause can get intense. Instead of fighting the waves, learn how to surf them. For example, she may be going through a period of hot flashes or low mood, and you’ll have to abstain from sex until she feels better.
Encourage your partner to track her wellbeing and note when she has more desire. Maybe you used to enjoy long sessions of late-night lovemaking but now mornings will work better because that’s when she’s sweat-free. Small tweaks in your intimate routine can make all the difference.
Call for Reinforcements
Back in the day, when you were both young, a seductive look and long French kiss were all it took to get her ready. Not anymore! Women in menopause need some extra help to enjoy sex.
Make the intimate lubricant a priority item on your shopping list. And don’t take it personally — her dryness issue is caused by her estrogen levels dropping, not because she doesn’t find you attractive anymore.
Sex toys are a great addition for couples at any age, but in menopause they may become indispensable. Here are some ideas to get you started.
- Clitoral massager. She may need stronger stimulation of the clitoris to become aroused and ready for intercourse. An intimate massager can work wonders here.
- Couples’ vibrator. You can use this toy hands-free to get that extra kick of excitement.
- Vibrating penis ring. These toys have two functions — they help you maintain a strong erection as they tickle intimate parts to increase arousal for you and for her.
Be Generous With Compliments
Many women in their forties and fifties lose their self-esteem and worry about their appearance. No wonder, as social media promotes an impossible beauty ideal of eternal youth and extremely slim figure.
Women’s bodies change in menopause. Unless she’s a fitness fanatic, she’ll probably start to notice loose skin and changes in breast shape. Even her genitals may look different, which can make her even more self-conscious.
Don’t assume that if you still find her beautiful, she will have the same opinion of herself. Make sure to tell her often that she looks hot and you love touching her body. She’ll appreciate the compliments.
Talk About It
Most couples prefer to have sex than talk about it. While this strategy might have worked when you were younger, it won’t stand you well later in life.
Menopause is a process you may find difficult to understand. Ask her to explain what she’s going through. Be curious and try to understand her problems and needs.
Share your feelings, as well. For example, you may feel like she’s neglecting you because she stopped showing her desire. Or you may worry that sex might hurt her. Whatever it is you’re feeling, take a deep breath and tell her about it.
Talking about sex is hard, but you’re in this together! If you don’t know where to start, find a sex therapist or get couples counseling to improve your communication. Discussing your challenges is the best way to rebuild intimacy and have fun in the bedroom again.
Manage Your Sexual Health Challenges
Here’s the golden rule for sex after menopause — she needs more time. Your task is to give it to her so that she can warm up and build enough arousal to climax. If you’re also in midlife, maintaining a long and strong erection may be challenging. Just as her body is changing, yours is too.
Erectile dysfunction is common for men, even as young as 40. ED is easy to treat with medications like Viagra, Levitra, Cialis, and Stendra. Taking care of your ED is a win-win situation. You’ll regain control of your erections, and she’ll have more time to get in the sexy groove.
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Anka Grzywacz is a sexologist, reproductive health expert and Certified Sex Coach™. In her online practice she helps busy women and couples solve their intimate problems.
