Highlights
- What are sexual dry spells?
- Are sexual dry spells unhealthy?
- Statistics about dry spells
- Reasons why men experience dry spells
- How to get back to a “normal” sex life
- Benefits of dry spells
Not getting what you want is part of life, and this may be especially true when it comes to sex. Most men experience sexual dry spells from time to time, and this is completely normal. In fact, Americans report about four sexual dry spells in their life on average.
Sexual dry spells are not a medical problem, but they can be frustrating. Keep in mind that nothing is permanent. There are even benefits to taking a break from partnered sex!
What Are Sexual Dry Spells?
A sexual dry spell is any period of time during which someone wants to have sex but does not have the opportunity to do so. The term doesn’t refer to any fixed length of time. What one man may consider an agonizing dry spell, another may call a short break.
One survey has suggested that the average American defines a dry spell as five months of not having sex. But that number may or may not be relevant to your own experience.
Are Sexual Dry Spells Unhealthy?
Many men believe that sex is somewhat like a nutrient that they will die without, but that is simply not true.
There is nothing intrinsically unhealthy about not having sex, even for long periods of time. While sexual contact can provide many health benefits, the body can function normally in its absence. Completely chaste individuals like monks or priests are often quite healthy.
Modern men face a certain amount of stigma for not having sex and feel pressure to prove themselves sexually. This pressure has fueled the rise of toxic social dynamics, like incel groups. But it is also an artificial social norm. A century ago, men were praised for being chaste.
Statistics on Dry Spells
Statistics about people’s sex lives are notoriously unreliable, given that people feel pressure to fabricate or exaggerate details to feel like their sex life “fits in” with current norms.
In particular, men feel pressure to say they have lots of sex, while women feel more pressure to say they have little. You should probably take anything that people say about their sex lives with a grain of salt.
That being said, some research has been done on people’s perceptions of sexual dry spells. Here are some key findings from the survey noted above:
- 28% of Americans are currently experiencing a dry spell.
- The average dry spell lasts 10 months for men and 12 months for women.
- On average, Americans say they would ideally have sex 3 times per week.
Given that more than a quarter of the U.S. population wants to have sex but does not have the opportunity to do so, the experience is quite common. And while the average length is close to a year, multi-year dry spells are by no means unusual.
Reasons Why Men Experience Dry Spells
Some men experience a dry spell and conclude it must be because of one thing, like their looks. But in reality, there are many reasons why men may experience dry spells.
Not knowing how to find sexual opportunities is a common problem for men. Hooking up or entering a relationship are not activities taught in school, and their rules are opaque at best.
Becoming involved in a sexual encounter is also a somewhat random process. Although many men boast about their “game,” their success still depends on random factors like who they happen to meet. There is no fixed path to sex like there is to cooking a meal or earning a degree.
Sometimes, men move to a different environment and don’t understand or fit the local sexual norms. This might happen, for example, if you move to a country with much more conservative sexual values.
Medical factors can also cause dry spells. If you have to be in bed all day for a broken leg, you probably aren’t able to hook up. And physical conditions like erectile dysfunction can also cause problems.
Some men may find that they are too busy or that work gets in the way. 31% of men in the above study reported that work was the primary cause of their sexual dry spell.
Men in relationships may experience dry spells due to relationship difficulties. This could be because the relationship is long distance (which is much more common in the world of internet dating) and so they are unable to see their partner regularly. Or it could be because of underlying relationship dissatisfaction.
How To Get Back to a “Normal” Love Life
You can’t get back to a “normal” love life — because there is no such thing as a “normal” love life.
Most people’s sexual desires, behaviors, and experiences shift and change over time. Alfred Kinsey’s famous 1940’s studies showed that sexual behavior falls across a much wider spectrum than many people realize.
In general, as long as the sex you do have is safe and between consenting adults, you can be said to have a normal sex life. But there is no “required” amount of sex. Plenty of asexual or graysexual men have little to no sex at all, and that suits them.
If you simply want to have more sex, then the internet is filled with suggestions for how to do that. If you are single, finding someone to have sex with is largely a numbers game, given the randomness involved. If you are in a sexless relationship, consider talking directly with your partner about your desire for more sex. Couples counseling can be a good solution for couples who have trouble talking about the situation.
Benefits of Sexual Dry Spells
Not getting what you want is always frustrating. When it comes to sex, it’s encouraging to remember that sexual dry spells are extremely common. They are probably unavoidable for at least some part of your life.
If you are currently in a sexual dry spell, you should know that it’s not all doom and gloom. Not having sex means more time and money to spend on yourself. It can be a great opportunity to focus on your friends, hobbies, or career. It can also be a good time to explore your sexuality on a solo basis.
Sexual Dry Spells Caused by Erectile Dysfunction
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