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Abstinence vs. Celibacy [and Getting Back on the Horse]

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Highlights  

  • Beyond semantics, the abstinence vs. celibacy question is one of short-term vs. long-term commitment.
  • Abstinence and celibacy can have unwanted physical and mental side effects.
  • Lack of sex can impair cognitive functioning and make you more likely to get sick.
  • If you are ready to have sex after abstinence, lower your expectations and be patient with yourself. 

When you engage in abstinence or celibacy, you stop having sex. Many believe that celibacy and abstinence are interchangeable terms, as the two practices are similar. However, there are marked differences between them, and they have different psychological and physical impacts. 

Abstinence vs. Celibacy: Similarities and Differences

Abstinence and celibacy can both mean refraining from sex, and they often do. The term celibacy is only associated with sex, however. Abstinence is a term with a wider meaning, covering a wide range of behaviors, substances, etc. You can abstain from sex just as you can abstain from drinking alcohol or smoking. 

If you tell someone you practice abstinence, to avoid misunderstandings, you should specify from what you abstain. If you say that you practice celibacy, no further specifications are necessary. 

The question of abstinence vs. celibacy exceeds semantics. The two terms denote slightly different approaches to not having sex. 

Abstinence refers to a shorter-term, usually voluntary, choice to avoid having sex. You may abstain from having sex before marriage, for example, or while undergoing substance abuse rehab.

Celibacy refers to a longer, possibly open-ended, voluntary, or involuntary, period of abstinence. For some, celibacy is a lifelong choice. Others embrace celibacy for religious or professional reasons. 

The term “chastity” also has a related meaning. People practicing chastity refrain from all sexual activities. Sometimes, the term “chaste” may also refer to a person who has never had sex and has no plans to engage in sexual activities. 

Abstinence vs. Celibacy: The Emotional and Physical Consequences

From a medical perspective, voluntary or involuntary abstinence from sex carries mainly negative emotional and physical consequences. Hitting a sexual dry spell can happen to anyone. Sometimes, we travel and have no time for sex. Sexual partners may fall ill or lose interest in sex for another reason. 

Going without sex for a few days is not a big deal. Days can add up to weeks and months, however. And when we go several months without sex, changes happen in the body and mind. 

Use It or Lose It

Your sex drive is like almost everything else about your body. The more you use it, the sharper it gets. When you are in a sexual rut, you may stop having sexual thoughts. Your body forgets that sex is a pleasurable activity and stops craving it. 

If you start having sex again, however, your libido will rebound, provided you don’t develop erectile dysfunction or other problems during abstinence. 

Erectile Dysfunction

Going without sex does not mean that you won’t get erections. Erections are physiological phenomena that are often involuntary. Some people may respond to a sexual dry spell by having more erections.

Sexual thoughts and sexuality can lose out to other pursuits when one goes without sex for long. This is probably the reason why men who have sex at least once a week are less likely to develop erectile dysfunction than those who have sex less often. 

Happy couple in bed

Regular sexual activity preserves your erectile function just as regular physical exercise preserves mobility and strength. 

Your Immune System Will Miss Sex

Regular sex in moderation has many physical and mental benefits. Researchers believe that frequent sex can also boost the immune system

When you stop having sex, you give up all these benefits. By giving up sex, you may expose yourself to more frequent colds and other viral infections. 

Cognitive Decline

Sex plays a complex role in the homeostasis of the male body. Its benefits are ubiquitous and far-reaching. In 2013, researchers found that sex plays a role in how our brains create new neurons. On the one hand, if you stop having sex, you may have reduced cognitive function. It may also hasten your age-related cognitive decline. 

Do you want to stay mentally sharp well into your senior years? Don’t stop having sex. 

Stress

Stress is one of the banes of our modern existence. We constantly deal with it, and its effects on our health are far-reaching. Sex is one of the healthy male’s weapons against stress. Sexual intercourse can alleviate the effects of stress and help you relax. 

Unfortunately, researchers believe that sex’s anti-stress effects only apply to intercourse and not to masturbation or other forms of non-penetrative sex. 

The Benefits of Abstinence and Celibacy

Abstinence and celibacy are free and have no medical side effects. If you choose abstinence, you won’t have to worry about unwanted pregnancy and STDs. The more you learn about STDs, the more you may see abstinence as a reasonable solution. 

In addition to keeping you healthy and safe, abstinence and celibacy can also allow you to: 

  • Wait until you are ready for a sexual relationship
  • Wait for the right partner to come along
  • Have fun with romantic relationships without potentially dangerous consequences
  • Follow your doctor’s recommendations in case of a medical condition
  • Focus on your career and material goals in life
  • Follow the teachings of your religion
  • Get to know your partner outside of a sexual context 

Getting Back on the Horse

People often make the mistake of ending their celibacy or abstinence unexpectedly without being prepared for resuming their sexual lives. When they do so, they may expose themselves to infections and pregnancy. 

There are ways to prepare for having sex again.

Taking It Slow

It makes sense to ease back into having sex and getting to know your body again. What used to turn you on sexually may no longer work or may feel uncomfortable. Be patient with yourself. Consider masturbation before penetrative sex. Don’t be shy to set rules and limitations you feel you need. 

Communication Is Key

Finding a patient and communicative partner who understands your situation is important. You may not perform as well between the sheets as you did before. Know that you may surprise yourself. And keep communication open with your partner during the act. 

Lowering Your Expectations

If you don’t ride a bike for years, you may feel jittery and wobbly when you get back on the seat. The same goes for sex. Rest assured that as you have sex more regularly, it will get better and better. 

Woman spilled tea on a man

Being Safe

Be aware that you are only safe from STDs if you and your partner are both tested. Use condoms and dental dams for protection. Be aware that you can protect yourself and your partner through vaccines. Human papillomavirus (HPV) vaccines are now available for men. 

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If you find that erectile dysfunction is a problem, know that there are safe, FDA-approved solutions. Drugs like Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra, can help you turn ED into a thing of the past. 

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