This interview is the one in a series of Dating Coach interviews on eDrugstore.com. We will be adding new interviews on a regular basis. Please see our complete list of insightful interviews
1. You specialize in matchmaking. This must be a fun job. What is the hardest part about playing Cupid? What is the most rewarding part?
I have been a professional matchmaker for almost 15 years now and yes it is an amazing job! Most people think that when they hire me to help find them someone to share their life with it is my job to “match” them and send them on their way. This may be what most matchmakers do but I have learned over the years that it is not always that simple. The hardest part of what I do is actually the most rewarding and that is helping the client get out of their own way. We all have room for improvement and this is where coaching fits in. It is not only my job to match my clients; it is my job to help them present the very best version of their authentic self so they are prepared not only for a date but to develop a healthy long lasting relationship.
2. Why do you think people turn to matchmaking? Have you seen an increase in demand for your services, or has “business” remained steady?
I find that most people turn to matchmaking because they are just too busy with their careers, family etc to waste their time dating the wrong people. Most of my clients do not have problems meeting people for dating it is just that they are not meeting the right person for them.
Years ago myself and other matchmakers were concerned with the idea of on line dating taking over the industry but now what has happened is that on line dating sites have actually driven more business to us! People will try on line dating and get frustrated very quickly. They don’t have time to waste browsing through thousands of profiles looking for the needle in the haystack only to wait weeks to see if the other person even responds to their wink or message. There is no one that polices these sites or verifies the information and photos people put up. To put it bluntly, there is no barrier to entry. When people find out I run a complete criminal background check, verify marital status, confirm financial status and most importantly determine that each person is emotionally prepared for a healthy relationship they typically close their on line services down and wonder why they didn’t find me sooner!
3. What characteristics MUST a pair have in common to make a great match?
Just because two people play golf does not mean they will make a good match. The way I match people is based on an overall compatibility. I look at the things that build a foundation for a relationship and what actually makes relationships last. I have to consider how two people feel about things such as marriage, children, religion, education even smoking and drinking are big concerns for most people. I look at their personality and character more so than their interest. Most couples argue over things like parenting, religious choices even financial spending habits. By considering these things in the matching process we typically end up with healthy long lasting relationships.
4. How successful has y
our matchmaking been? Any marriages? Any great stories to share?
The fact that I have been doing this for almost 15 years should speak volumes. I actually stopped keeping track of marriages after my first 5 years. I was at the point where I knew it worked and keeping up with the “statistics” just became extra work which meant less time I could focus on matching my clients. One of my favorite stories was from about a year ago actually. An elderly lady had walked into my office and started to cry. When I asked her what was troubling her she pointed to the wedding invitation hanging on my wall. It was her wedding invitation from 8 years ago. She had enrolled with me back then and I had found her a husband. She informed me of the wonderful marriage they had together and explained that he had passed away a year ago that very day. She knew she had to wait an appropriate time period before she started dating again so she came to me after a year of grieving and politely asked if I would find her another husband.
5. You also specialize in divorce and breakup recovery. How important is it to address these issues and why?
So many people come to me after a divorce and believe that if they just get out and start dating life will be just fine. This may be true for some but not for most. Divorce recovery is never easy and can it can be a long healing process. Some people stay in the grieving process for years because they don’t even know how to proceed with life after divorce. When going through a divorce or break up we have tremendous fear of the unknown all while coping with extreme feelings of loss. A big part of divorce recovery is addressing fears; fear of being alone, fear of being single, fear of rejection and of course, the fear of being hurt again. If we do not address these issues it can be nearly impossible to move on into a healthy relationship. It is easy to fall into a rebound relationship but these are typically not healthy relationships by any means. Learning to redefine yourself before you enter into a new relationship is not always something people consider and this is where they set themselves up for failure.
About Denise Paravate: MissMatchMaker.net
I am Denise Paravate, BSW and I am a professional matchmaker with 14 years experience in the dating service industry. I own and operate MatchMaker International in Destin, FL and coach singles throughout the country on Dating and Divorce Recovery. My philosophy is simple… Give dating and relationships the same degree of thoughtfulness, time and effort you would give your career OR surround yourself with a team of experts to define and implement your dating and relationship goals. Then put your time and energy into developing and projecting the best version of who you truly are and you will always come out a winner.
When you’re armed with the right attitude and strategies you will have more energy, feel better about yourself, and most importantly you will meet and keep the woman or man you deserve.
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