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Just about everybody has experienced this at least once or twice. The candles are lit, the wine’s been poured, and a romantic interlude is about to begin when one partner does or says something that stops everything cold. The moment is lost and cannot be easily recaptured.
Hopefully, you’ve been able to learn from experience. If in the past you were the one responsible for turning the sheets from hot to icy cold in an instant, you likely know what it was you did or said that killed the mood for romance. You now know not to do or say that again.
However, you may not yet realize the mood-killing potential of certain other behaviors and comments, so we’ve pulled together a list of things you should avoid if you want to get and stay lucky in the bedroom.
Avoid Insensitive Body Critiques: Both men and women sometimes kill the mood for romance by offering thoughtless, offhand comments about their partner’s physical appearance. While it’s true that a loving partner might be expected to point out — as tactfully as possible — to a lover that perhaps he or she could consider a diet, such comments should never be made as a prelude to sex. If they are, be prepared for the consequences.
In an article about mood-killing behaviors that’s posted at MensJournal.com, writer Taylor Kubota cautions men against seemingly innocuous comments, “like how she spends so much time in sweat pants.” Such observations, notes Kubota, are likely to leave your female partner too self-conscious and/or angry to want sex.
Let Her Have Her Way: In an article posted at AskMen.com, comedian/writer Ethan Fixell counsels men to accede to their partners’ wishes to avoid derailing “the train to Pleasureville.” If your lady asks that the lights be turned down or off, hasten to do her bidding. Likewise, if she insists that you crank up the music — even if it’s a tune you find grating — go along with her. “And if she asks you to get a condom,” writes Fixell, “then you better go get a condom. Get six if she says so! Painful friction-burn sex is better than no sex at all.”
Make Your Partner Your Priority: In the run-up to sex, it’s important for both men and women to make their partners feel as though they are the center of the universe — at least for a little while. If you’re not focusing on your partner to the temporary exclusion of all else, he or she will sense it, and sex will not be as good as it could be. In fact, it may end up not taking place at all.
Be Honest about Erectile Problems: A man who has had a bit too much to drink, is overtired, or suffering from the effects of workplace stress can sometimes find it difficult, if not impossible, to get and keep an erection. Failing to share with your partner the probable cause of your inability to get it up will almost certainly leave her feeling as though it were somehow her fault. She’ll attribute your erectile dysfunction as a failure on her part. Don’t let this happen, because it could seriously damage an otherwise happy and healthy relationship or keep a new one from developing into something worthwhile.
Don’t Shout Out Someone Else’s Name: A surefire mood-killer, uttering the name of a past flame or imaginary lover during the throes of passion will almost certainly bring the action to a sudden halt. Both men and women can be guilty of this bedroom faux pas. If, in fact, you and your partner have sex once again after such an incident, she or he will almost certainly wonder who it is you’re really thinking about during the act.
Never, Ever Mention an Ex: Any reference you might make to a past lover before, during, or after sex is likely to have a chilling effect on the relationship you have with your current partner. A seemingly innocuous remark — neither positive nor negative — might cause your partner to question why you brought it up and wonder if perhaps you’re still not over your past relationship.
Don’t Rush Things: This one applies primarily to men who usually can be ready for sex at the drop of a hat or pair of panties. Women take somewhat longer to get their engines running, and men who try to push things too fast come off as insensitive and thoughtless. Take your time, and do what you can to help your partner become aroused. Doing so is almost certain to result in sex that is more satisfying than it would be if rushed.
Don’t Criticize Your Partner’s Technique: Unless whatever’s going on is causing you serious pain, it’s probably best to go with the flow. Perhaps in a less heated moment, you can find a tactful way to suggest that in future you’d prefer that your partner avoid or increase certain moves, but doing it while the action’s going on probably guarantees that all action will end prematurely.
Save the Potty-Mouth for Your Fantasies: An occasional dirty word can heighten the excitement of sex, but it’s all too easy to go over the line. Too much of the potty-mouth, particularly if your partner tends to be a bit prudish, can kill the mood.
Never Fake an Orgasm: No matter how skilled an actress or actor you fancy yourself to be, faking an orgasm probably won’t fool your partner and could cause feelings of inadequacy, which will further lower the quality of your sexual experience.
Don’t Check the Time: Repeated glances at your watch or the bedside clock radio are pretty clear indications that your head really isn’t in the game. And this apparent lack of interest in what’s going on will be obvious to your partner, who will be left to wonder what he or she is doing wrong.
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