How Long Is Too Long Without Sex in a Relationship?

Highlights

• Temporary lack of sex is common in long-term couples. 
• There’s no definitive answer as to how long is too long without sex in a relationship.
• Psychological causes, as well as medical conditions and ED, are often behind a man’s low libido. 
• A sexless marriage doesn’t necessarily mean zero intimacy.
• Talking about intimacy is crucial if you want to bring the joy of sex back. 

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When you first fall in love, you can’t get enough of your new partner. As the years go by, sex loses its initial charm for many couples. While a dry spell in a relationship is normal from time to time, complete lack of intimacy is rarely a good sign.

Many partners who come to me for counseling ask, “How long is too long without sex in a relationship?”

I usually respond with questions of my own to help the couple get to the root of their problem and create a strategy for moving forward.

How Do I Deal With a Low Sex Drive in My Relationship?

If you, your partner, or both have noticed that you’re not that interested in intimate moments, don’t panic. Periods of reduced libido are normal.

They could be caused by:

• High stress, especially chronic tension, lasting days or weeks
• Low mood, for example in winter months. This could be a sign of depression, so it’s best to talk about it with a doctor.
• Hormonal changes, such as perimenopause in women or decreasing testosterone in men as they get older
• Sexual health problems, such as erectile dysfunction or painful intercourse

Understanding why you or your significant other has lost interest in sex is key to finding the solution. Instead of launching a desperate internet search for the best libido boost for men, get help. Speak to your family doctor, who will order tests and refer you to a specialist if needed.

Low libido can have physical or emotional causes.

Is It Normal To Go Months Without Sex in a Relationship?

Many people who come to a sex counselor want to know if they are normal. They compare themselves to other couples and worry if their sexual frequency doesn’t meet their imagined standard.

While there’s plenty of research on the average frequency of intercourse, knowing the data won’t help you and your partner. The most important thing in your relationship is how you both feel about your sex life.

If the lack of sex gets in the way — for example, you’ve been arguing more — that’s your cue to do something about it.

“Sex deserts are a natural part of the landscape of long-term relationships. They’re not the end, they’re just a bend in the road.” – Esther Perel, relationship therapist

What Are the Signs of a Sexless Marriage?

It’s hard to define a sexless marriage because intimacy is such a personal issue. Sexlessness doesn’t always mean that a couple has zero sex. Some do it a few times a year.

However, if you had a certain frequency of sex and something’s changed recently, watch out for these signs of a sexless relationship:

• You’re not engaging in erotic activity, such as kissing, caressing, or intercourse.
• You feel like you’re losing the emotional intimacy.
• You or your partner finds excuses not to go to bed at the same time.
• You’re not making an effort to look attractive for your partner.
• You’re investing all your energy in other things, such as kids or work.

How Can I Talk to My Partner About Wanting More Sex?

Nobody likes being the one with a problem in a relationship, especially when it comes to sex. A man who wants to have frequent intercourse may keep quiet about it for fear of sounding too pushy. A woman who admits to having a high sex drive may worry about her partner’s opinion of her.

Good communication is key to building trust and intimacy in a relationship. But what does that really mean?

First, think about what you want to say. Then, figure out how you’re going to say it. Take a look at these two statements. Which one do you think will lead to a productive conversation?

“I can’t stand it anymore. We never have sex,” or “I miss our sexy times. I felt so much closer to you when we made love more often.”

It’s much better to address the difficulties from a positive angle and talk about your own feelings instead of sounding like you’re placing blame.

If finding the courage to talk about intimacy feels too challenging, get professional help. A sex therapist will help you discuss even the biggest taboos with ease.

“A good relationship is about communication. But even more importantly, it’s about the space to be yourself.” – Deepak Chopra, author

Find a calm moment to talk about your concerns and feelings.

Are There Medical Reasons for My Lack of Libido?

If you’ve gone from a guy who loved sex to an “I couldn’t care less” attitude, your health might be to blame. One known problem: medical conditions and ED. A chronic condition, such as diabetes or benign prostate hyperplasia (BPH), may impact your ability to get an erection. And when the fun of intimacy is gone, the libido goes out the door.

Stress and sex drive are not a winning combination, either. Many of my male clients are surprised when I help them connect the dots and realize that work stress is affecting their erotic interests. The constant pressure to perform leaves the body tense and the mind on constant alert. No wonder you forget what fun sex used to be!

“Stress is the silent killer of intimacy.” – Emily Nagoski

There is also a connection between age and sexual desire. According to a large analysis of men’s and women’s sex drives, male libido remains high until the age of 40. Afterward, it gets more complicated.

As a man gets older, his sex drive is no longer a given; he’ll likely have to pay more attention to the factors affecting his interest in sexual activity.

How Long Is Too Long For You?

If you’re still asking yourself how long is too long without sex in a relationship, it’s time to rephrase the question. What matters is how much sex you and your partner need for relationship satisfaction.

A healthy sex life looks different for every couple. Some will thrive despite having intercourse once a month. Others will start growing apart if their frequency of lovemaking drops to once a week.

Don’t listen to word-of-mouth relationship advice for men telling you that you must have the sex drive of a teenager to prove yourself. Become the expert of your own relationship and master the art of talking openly about difficult matters.

Low libido or desire differences can be solved, as long as you’re willing to admit to having an issue. Professional help — both medical and psychological — is out there to make the journey back to good sex easier.

Safe and Reliable Online Medical Consultation for ED

Managing the underlying sexual health concerns should be your priority in dealing with low sex drive. ED causes a lot of stress and is a major factor behind male libido problems.

At eDrugstore you’ll find all major ED treatment options available to order at a mouse click. Our team of U.S.-licensed physicians awaits to offer complimentary telemedicine consultations and prescriptions as appropriate. Take action to deal with erectile dysfunction today.

Disclaimer: This article provides general information about health and related topics but is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.