Highlights
- Intimate challenges, such as erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation, can shake a man’s sexual confidence.
- Repeated difficulties can impact a man’s mood and affect his relationship.
- With psychosexual counseling you can learn how to boost sexual confidence.
- Couples can go to therapy together to improve their intimate communication.
Martin felt like a total loser. He and his wife came for counseling because their sex life was in ruins. Martin developed erectile dysfunction in his early forties, and it destroyed his sexual confidence.
Sexual dysfunctions hit at the core of a man’s identity — his ability to satisfy his partner and have a fulfilling sex life. Martin and his wife made the right decision to look for professional help. Sex therapy offers effective tools to overcome sexual insecurity.
Understanding the Psychological Effects of Sexual Dysfunction
Sexual issues, even if they have physical causes, affect the emotions of a man and his partner. Being a good lover is a big part of the male identity. Repeated difficulties may lead to a loss of self-esteem and avoidance of intimacy.
Many couples who can’t have penetrative intercourse say they feel disconnected. Gradually, they stop hugging and kissing. The lack of physical closeness affects their mood and everyday functioning.
Defining Sexual Dysfunction
We say that someone has a sexual dysfunction if he or she can’t have sex or something is preventing them from fully enjoying the sexual experience. If such a problem persists and is bothering you, you should seek professional help.
The most common sexual dysfunctions for men are erectile dysfunction (ED) and premature ejaculation (PE):
- Erectile dysfunction. ED is the inability to get an erection or maintain an erection strong enough for successful intercourse. It can affect men at any age but the risk increases as you get older. There are many possible causes of ED — both physical and psychological.
- Premature ejaculation. With this condition, a man is not able to control his ejaculation and climaxes sooner than he would wish. In clinical terms, men with PE ejaculate before penetrative intercourse or within one or two minutes from the beginning of intercourse.
Sexual dysfunctions tend to turn into a vicious cycle. What started as a single episode can easily become a pattern. When a man loses his sexual confidence, the stress and fear of failure may prevent his body from cooperating.
Sexual problems can cause a relationship crisis
The Role of Therapy in Addressing Sexual Dysfunction
Imagine your eyesight started getting worse. You probably wouldn’t wait too long before making an appointment for an eye exam, would you? With expert help, you’d be able to get to the bottom of your problem. Similarly, if you started having sexual difficulties, therapy could give you the tools to cope.
Unfortunately, while most people wouldn’t hesitate going to an eye doctor, many are ashamed to talk about intimate problems with a professional. Let’s find out how therapy can help and why it’s not as frightening as it seems.
Psychosexual Therapy: An Overview
Psychosexual therapy is a specialized form of counseling. Its aim is to help an individual or couple understand their sexuality better and alleviate sexual dysfunctions.
At the core of psychosexual therapy lies the belief that a happy sex life is an important part of well-being. A therapist creates a safe space for a person to openly talk about their worries and dreams. He or she may also suggest exercises and activities to try at home.
Therapeutic Techniques for Improving Sexual Confidence
According to research, men’s confidence contributes to higher sexual satisfaction. Learning how to get sexual confidence back is a key element of therapy for men dealing with sexual dysfunctions.
Here are some of the therapeutic approaches to increase sexual confidence:
- Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). One of the most effective methods is cognitive restructuring. Men learn to recognize negative thoughts about their sexual skills and learn how to transform them into supportive thinking.
- Mindfulness techniques. Lack of confidence in one’s abilities can result in anxiety and tension. Mindfulness teaches men to focus on their breathing and recognize emotions and sensations in their body. When done right, it calms the mind, helps slow down breathing, and brings attention back to pleasure.
- Intimate communication training. The more you know about sex and your partner’s needs, the more confident you become in the bedroom. In therapy, men can practice the art of intimate communication. If you have a supportive partner, couples therapy might also be a good option for you.
Practical Tips for Enhancing Sexual Confidence
Here’s the truth about sexual confidence that most men don’t know: It’s not so much about your erections as it is about your self-acceptance and positive attitude.
Sexual dysfunctions are a fact of life. Sooner or later, almost every man will go through a period of erotic challenges. What matters is how you deal with those hurdles. Learn how to improve sexual confidence, and you’ll enjoy a lifetime of good sex.
Lifestyle Changes and Sexual Confidence
A big part of being a confident lover is knowing that your body is in the best possible shape. It doesn’t mean you should look like a bodybuilder and have the stamina of a teenager!
Be realistic and think about what lifestyle changes are possible to reduce the impact of sexual dysfunctions.
For example, men with erectile dysfunction can improve cardiovascular health by quitting smoking, switching to a healthier diet, and exercising regularly.
Erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation are often linked to stress levels, so making sure you’re getting enough sleep can stabilize your nervous system and promote psychological resilience.
Building Emotional Intimacy and Open Communication
For Martin, the biggest challenge was talking about ED with his wife. He believed it made him look weak.
After several weeks of counseling, he finally managed to ask his partner what she thought of his sexual dysfunction. To his surprise, erectile dysfunction wasn’t such a big issue for her. All she wanted was to have an honest conversation and try different solutions to get their intimacy back on track.
The biggest mistake I see men make is to avoid open communication about sexual problems. Your readiness to admit that some things are not okay and that you need emotional support will build intimacy in your relationship.
Couples can improve their communication with therapy
Seeking Professional Help: Your Next Steps
Sexual problems can take a toll on your life and relationship, but help is out there. First, make an appointment with a doctor to check for physical causes.
Your physician may prescribe treatment (for example Viagra, Cialis, or Levitra for erectile dysfunction) or suggest over-the-counter solutions (like numbing creams for PE).
Finding the Right Therapist for Sexual Dysfunction
Psychosexual therapy can complement medical treatment, especially if bedroom troubles have shaken up your confidence. Your primary care provider may recommend therapists who specialize in sexual health.
If you want to find someone on your own, focus on people with training in sex therapy. Classically trained psychotherapists may not be experienced enough to help you with your specific struggles.
What To Expect From Therapy
Psychosexual therapy consists of a series of sessions during which you talk about your worries and feelings. Your therapist helps you define your goal and teaches you skills to get there.
Some therapies are body-based, which means you get to do breathing exercises and move around in order to release emotions and get a better body awareness.
Don’t worry, you won’t have to undress or perform sexual acts in therapy! Your counselor may, however, suggest assignments to try at home — alone or with a partner.
Get the Keys to Lasting Sexual Confidence
Living with a sexual dysfunction can undermine your sexual confidence. Using evidence-based techniques and getting professional help are the fastest ways back towards better self-esteem.
Going to therapy is the hardest part, but if you stick with it, you’ll gain lasting sexual confidence. In addition, you’ll be able to reuse the techniques you learned to make your sex life better each day.
Find Reliable Treatments at eDrugstore
Sexual dysfunction is a common condition that many men face. Seeking medical and psychological help is a sign of strength and an investment in your relationship. For high-quality medical advice, read our blog. For safe and effective, FDA-approved prescription treatments, visit our erectile dysfunction page.
Anka Grzywacz is a sexologist, reproductive health expert and Certified Sex Coach™. In her online practice she helps busy women and couples solve their intimate problems.