Erectile dysfunction (ED), or the inability to get or maintain an erection, affects as many as 1 in 2 men over 40 years of age, though it can also affect men even in their early 20s. If you’re thinking “Wow, that’s a lot of men”, you’d be correct. But that’s also a lot of partners, especially a lot of women, that are in relationships with men who have ED.
Articles about ED are typically male-focused because this is a disorder that directly affects men’s sexual performance, and sometimes their psychological health. But we don’t often hear about how ED affects a man’s partner. Surprisingly, ED’s physical effect is not the biggest stressor on women. It’s the physiological and psychological experiences that accompany ED.
This article briefly explores:
- What women may feel when their partner has ED
- Steps for the couple to take to improve their relationship in and out of the bedroom
How ED Affects Men and Women
There is no doubt that erectile dysfunction takes its toll on men. A recent study found that men with ED felt self-conscious or experienced anxiety during sex, and nearly 1 in 5 men chose to completely avoid sex due to their ED. Men with ED may want to plan sex so they know, with the right medication, that it will be successful, leaving their partner to pine for spontaneity. Anxiety can manifest in female partners too, leaving them to wonder if ED is partly due to not being a ‘good’ girlfriend or partner.
Talking about the Elephant in the Room
Men and women can both blame themselves for the man’s ED struggles, which shuts down communication. If left unaddressed, ED can lead to the dissolution of relationships or marriages. However, talking about ED may be (at least part of) the solution to working through ED as a couple. Another suggestion experts urge women to keep in mind? That they are not to blame and that they are not cause the of ED.
Taking the Next Steps
- Encourage your partner talk to a doctor about medications like Viagra
- Talk with your partner about ED
Recognizing there is an issue in the bedroom can be scary, but it is the first step to getting help and getting back in the saddle, or in the sheets. Men have several options to turn to for help, including prescription medications like Viagra, and it’s easier than ever to get a prescription without ever having to step foot into a doctor’s office.
However, Viagra can only fix the physical manifestation of ED. They should not be considered a cure-all for your partner’s sex drive or your relationship issues. Even if medications are effective in solving your partner’s ED, it’s likely that the relationship issues it created will remain. That’s why consistent, open, and honest communication is important. Schedule an appointment for couple’s therapy or sex therapy, or find a support group of couples going through similar experiences. Just remember that you’re not alone, it’s not your fault, and it is something you and your partner can get through together.
eDrugstore invites you to learn more by visiting our Erectile Dysfunction page.
Kwynn holds a Master of Public Health and is currently pursuing a PhD in Social Work. Her research examines the intersections of health, technology, and gender-based violence.