Interview with Jordan Harbinger: co-founder, The Art of Charm – Relationship Advice and Social Dynamics. This interview is one in a series of expert interviews on the eDrugstore.com blog. We add new interviews on a regular basis. Please see our complete list of insightful interviews.
1. When reading the testimonials to your The Art of Charm coaching, the terms “inner game” and “outer game” are bandied about. Can you clarify what these terms mean and how they affect an individual?
Sure. “Outer Game” is essentially what one does/wears/says when he’s trying to meet someone new. For example, “pickup lines” and “style consultations” are all ‘outer game’. They change your appearance and image. Body language, eye contact and vocal tonality are also outer game-based, but are mostly reflections of your “Inner game”.
“Inner Game”, of course, is everything internal. This term mostly refers to ones mindsets, which can either be beneficial or destructive to someone’s confidence. For example, someone with bad or weak “inner game” would take it very personally if a girl told him that she couldn’t go out with him because she had plans. This person might assume she didn’t like him, wasn’t interested, was being rude or intended to reject him.
On the other hand, someone with strong “inner game” wouldn’t be shaken by this, and would likely assume that she really did have plans, and in any case would not let this little hurdle get in his way or let it affect him emotionally. This is the essence of confidence.
2. How can you identify someone’s insecurities? How do you teach a person to identify their own insecurities?
Identifying someone’s insecurities takes years of practice and training, something every 
coach has here at The Art of Charm. We look at the combined picture of someone’s non-verbal communication, such as their eye contact, body language, vocal tonality, the way they sit/stand/walk and several other factors. We also do a great deal of listening. What people say, as well as the language they use when speaking, all indicate where and in what someone’s insecurities are based. We can also dig deeper if necessary through discussions.
As for teaching a person to identify their own insecurities, this is largely a matter of identifying them first for ourselves, and then leading them to discover them and/or bring them to a conscious level on their own.
One of the most basic ways we can show someone how their insecurities are reflected in their physical behavior is through the video work we do during the programs here at The Art of Charm. When we film a student interacting with someone, usually a female trainer, all those physical manifestations come out on tape, and when we review the tape with the client, it’s presented plain as day. For better or worse, you just can’t argue with the tape! If I tell you to project more and correct your posture in certain ways, you may make a note somewhere so you remember it. However, once you SEE yourself on camera with bad posture or other negative traits, it becomes etched into your mind and that brings the bad habits to a conscious level VERY quickly, so it can be corrected.
3. What in the world is a “direct opener”?
A “direct opener” is a very plain statement of interest in someone. For example, if I’m at a bar and I see a cute girl, I may actually approach her and tell her that I think she’s cute and introduce myself. This takes a lot of confidence and most women respect that, even if they’re not interested. Being so direct and confident, when done tastefully, is very attractive in itself.
4. In your opinion, why is there even a need for the coaching you provide?
There’s a need for this coaching because men are generally quite inept when it comes to meeting and attracting the fairer sex. Often, women can only hope they meet someone under the proper circumstances, usually through friends, and even then, they need to keep their fingers crossed that the guy doesn’t do something stupid to mess it up. Here at The Art of Charm, we teach men how to build self-confidence, meet and attract women, as well as connect on a deeper level -something in which most men are seldom experienced.
Further, this self-confidence crosses over to the workplace, and we see the MAJORITY of our alumni from The Art of Charm getting better, higher-paying jobs, launching better careers, and enjoying more fulfilling relationships. Most men who would claim they don’t need this type of training are lying to themselves, primarily because to think that they may need help with women threatens their ego. In reality, realizing that (especially as men) we don’t know everything there is to know about dating and relationships, empowers us to take charge of our social lives and learn to get past the hurdles that slow us down or hold us back from enjoying the lifestyle we truly deserve.
About Jordan Harbinger: TheArtofCharm.com & AJandJordanTalkChicks.com
Jordan Harbinger has always had an affinity for Social Influence and Dynamics, but first became aware just how valuable these skills were when his grades left him just short of the acceptance requirements for University Of Michigan School of Law. Jordan, unwilling to accept the possibility of being unable to pursue his career of choice, immediately and effectively talked his way into law school. It was then that his fascination and curiosity with the power of Social Influence was born.
It was while attending law school that Jordan also began his education in Social Dynamics and his search for the best in the field. In 2006 he started Pickup Podcast, a Relationship Advice and Social Dynamics interview podcast with Co-Host AJ Harbinger. With the following garnered from Pickup Podcast, Jordan began coaching students in his free time on an on-call basis. It was during these sessions that he realized the substantial need for progression and innovation in the industry.
After graduating in the top of his class, Jordan went on to New York City to pursue his dream of being a Wall Street lawyer. He was accepted at a top-tier firm, but his passion for Social Dynamics still flourished. His search soon brought him to Johnny Dzubak & Alex Weber, two efficacious Social Dynamists. Shortly thereafter, Jordan became even more engrossed in the world of Social Dynamics and saw a strong need for integrity and candor in the industry. It was then he quit his job as a lawyer and co-founded The Art of Charm. In 2008, SiriusXM Satellite Radio approached Jordan and AJ with an offer to host a weekly show on a trial basis. The show was an unequivocal success, and ‘Game On’ became a permanent fixture at SiriusXM, broadcast via satellite across the North American continent.
Jordan’s business sense, extensive knowledge of the industry and contemporary approach to coaching make him one of the best and most sought after dating coaches in the world. These qualities have also led him to receive some of the highest recognitions in the industry of Social Dynamics.
Read more of our expert interviews:
Betty Dodson, Renowned Sexologist, Author, Feminist, Educator
Dean Osborne, Human Nature of Cheating
Dr. MP Wylie, Relationship Advisor
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