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Interview with Jane Thomas, Founder of WaysWomenOrgasm.org – Achieve Psychological Sexual Arousal that Leads to Orgasm

Interview with Jane Thomas, Founder of WaysWomenOrgasm.org – Achieve Psychological Sexual Arousal that Leads to Orgasm. This interview is one in a series of expert interviews on the eDrugstore.com blog. We add new interviews on a regular basis. Please see our complete list of insightful interviews

1. Do you have any statistics as to how many women are missing out on orgasm during sex?

What about personal notations from your own experiences and interaction with other women? Shere Hite is the only researcher to provide any statistics and these were based on a sample of 3,000 women in the 1970’s. She suggested that 30% orgasm through intercourse without any direct clitoral stimulation, 43% orgasm through intercourse by using manual clitoral stimulation and the remainder did not orgasm through intercourse.

I personally question these findings. I have found very few women who appear to be motivated by orgasm. Most women talk about the relationship or about ‘enjoying’ sex but rarely about orgasm itself. Relatively few women are openly enthusiastic about female masturbation or oral sex. I suspect very few women discover the joys of the clitoris.

My own experience is that I make the most of the pleasures that are to be had: orgasm from masturbation and primarily sensual/erotic pleasures from sex. The women I have talked to (who I believe know that orgasm is) have had essentially the same experience.

2. Why are women so hesitant to discuss their sexuality? In your opinion, will this issue ever become less taboo?

Female sexuality is much less straightforward than male. Men are very quick to assert that they know it all that most women decide that saying nothing is the easier route than trying to get a man to understand. Men are just as embarrassed about discussing sex as women.

Women have a strong incentive to make themselves out to be more sexual than they are simply because this makes them to appear more attractive to men. Equally men pressure women into faking by making women feel inadequate that they don’t experience such spontaneous and overwhelming sexual arousal from physical interaction with a lover.

I hope that my attempts to open up this subject will lead to at least some couples being able to find answers and share a forum where they can talk more openly about the day-to-day realities of sexual relationships and how to improve on what they already have.

3. Overall, do most women need the same things to orgasm during sex? What are some of those things?

Everyone, male or female, needs to know how to achieve the kind of psychological sexual arousal that leads to orgasm. It is only once a person is mentally aroused that physical stimulation of their genitals (penis for men, clitoris for women) will lead to orgasm.

Men are lucky because they use relatively straightforward image-based fantasies (using pornography during masturbation) that relate fairly easily to a real-life sexual relationship with a sexual partner. Women tend to use much more involved psychological scenarios (sexual fantasies) that are more difficult to relate to a real-life sexual relationship.

4. How can a woman who can barely admit to herself that sex is not as enjoyable as it should be, admit this to her partner? And how can they discover together what is the best way for her to achieve orgasm?

Not quite sure what you mean by ‘as enjoyable as it should be’. There is no reason for Nature to have designed sex to be arousing or orgasmic for the female. Female orgasm is not required for reproduction. Men need to orgasm from sex for biological reasons and it is a nice concept to believe that Nature would made sure that women have the same response but it does not seem likely.

Women can ‘enjoy’ many aspects of sex, including sensual pleasure, romantic emotions and affection but orgasm is not very likely simply because sex has not been designed, either physically or psychologically, to provide women with orgasm.

Kinsey found in 1953 that female orgasm happens most naturally during masturbation alone and that is the experience of women today. Any woman who experiences orgasm ever should count herself as lucky and her partner should be glad that his woman enjoys her fantasies and orgasm because she is more likely to engage on an enjoyment of eroticism with him.

Men need to stop obsessing about orgasm. Women are much more inclined to accept that the female mind and body just do not work in that way. We orgasm mostly alone – sorry…! Men do need to compensate women for a lack of orgasm during sex and this means making more effort beyond obtaining their own orgasm from sex. A man should be prepared to offer some sensual pleasuring, erotic massage and clitoral stimulation for his woman.

5. What are your top tips for women who struggle with achieving orgasm through sex?

Don’t feel intimidated by other women claiming easy orgasm during sex – they are mistaken. Most women have no idea what orgasm is because they never learn to masturbate to orgasm.

If you don’t already know how to masturbate to orgasm then you need to learn. Masturbation is the first step for anyone who wants to learn how to achieve their own sexual arousal and orgasm.

If you do masturbate to orgasm then think about how you might replicate the same conditions during sex with a partner. Consider both physical and psychological aspects of arousal, including clitoral stimulation and sexual fantasies that you use during masturbation.

Remember that clitoral stimulation only leads to orgasm once you are already mentally aroused and many women find it difficult to use their fantasies effectively during sex. Orgasm is very pleasant but it is also possible to make the most of other pleasures during sex such as the sensual and romantic pleasures of physical interaction with your lover.

6. Can you tell us a little about your Ways Women Orgasm Web site and Community? What can women get out of it? What do you hope to achieve through it?

www.WaysWomenOrgasm.org is a female sexuality site that provides adults with the facts about female sexuality as well as a discussion of the myths so that couples can make more of sex over the longer term. Women can learn more about their sexuality by comparing notes with others especially on how other women achieve sexual arousal and orgasm with a partner.

I currently have around 100 visitors per day but I hope to increase that traffic substantially when my book ‘Ways Women Orgasm’ comes out later this year. The book will be available on Amazon and on my website (at a discounted price) from around November/December 2010.

I hope to improve sex education around the world so that adults approach their sexual relationships with the facts about women’s sexuality to enable them to make their sex lives even better than they already are.

Read more of our expert interviews:
Betty Dodson, Renowned Sexologist, Author, Feminist, Educator
Dean Osborne, Human Nature of Cheating
Dr. MP Wylie, Relationship Advisor

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