Highlights
- With online couples counseling, partners can access therapy without leaving their home.
- Therapists use teleconferencing software within telehealth platforms.
- A typical session takes from 60 to 90 minutes.
- If you have specific issues, it can be easier to find a specialized therapist online than in your local area.
- Some online counseling services may be covered by insurance.
When we first fall in love, we don’t realize that relationships are hard work. It takes effort and skill to stay together and keep the intimate fire going. Online couples counseling is a convenient and effective way to learn the skills to solve relationship problems — from daily disagreements to a sexual mismatch.
The Rise of Online Therapy
Twenty years ago, no one imagined we would be having team meetings in our pajamas and visiting our doctors while sitting on the living room sofa.
Fast internet and affordable audiovisual equipment have changed the way we live and work. That includes access to medical care, psychotherapy, and counseling.
According to an opinion poll conducted by the American Psychiatric Association, 38 percent of Americans have used telehealth services for medical or mental health concerns.
Online therapy market has been growing quickly, especially since the COVID-19 pandemic, and North America has seen the biggest increase.
How Does Online Couples Counseling Work?
Online couples counseling is not very different from in-person sessions. Here’s how it works:
Signing Up for Online Couples Counseling
Signing up for online counseling is easy and similar to making an appointment with a doctor. You either use an online database of therapists and book the first session online, or get in touch by phone or email first.
As with physicians, some practitioners may have waitlists. You’ll need to be patient to get a slot, especially if the therapist or counselor accepts insurance. If you’re paying out of pocket, you have a wider choice. You can access a couples’ counselor based anywhere in the world, provided they speak your language.
Most therapists offer a counseling agreement in which they state the ground rules for sessions, as well as terms and conditions for canceling sessions and terminating the counseling relationship.
With online sessions, your therapist will tell you their technical requirements. At a minimum, you’ll need a good microphone and internet camera so that the therapist can see and hear you. A stable internet connection is a must, too.
What a Typical Couples Counseling Session Looks Like
Couples therapy or counseling sessions are typically between 60 and 90 minutes long. Since there are two people in the virtual room, both need time to speak their minds.
During the first sessions, the couple and the therapist get to know each other and decide if they are a good match to continue counseling. The counselor needs to understand your goal. Are you in a crisis and want to save the relationship, or do you want to improve something specific, such as communication or your sex life.
Usually, there is some discussion about your relationship history and experiences in your family of origin.
As the sessions progress and the therapist gets a clearer picture of your situation, you may receive home assignments or exercises. You may be asked to write down your thoughts or change certain habits.
You can also expect regular check-ins to control progress and identify weak spots on your way toward improvement. Sometimes, it may become evident that one or both partners would benefit from additional, individual therapy. If your therapist recommends this, it should be done with a different counselor.
In the final sessions, partners take a look back on their journey and recognize their efforts and achievements. It’s also important to continue the strategies learned to maintain the positive results of therapy in the long term. If the couple has decided to split up, counseling helps them go separate ways as amicably as possible.
Online Couples Counseling Tools
Online couples therapy is effective, provided that partners have enough motivation to attend regular sessions and do the work. Online couples counseling tools and platforms are easy to use and provide an intimate, confidential space for resolving conflicts and relationship challenges.
There are many online solutions couples counselors use. Individual therapists will often rely on popular video software, such as Zoom or Skype. Many of these online tools offer enhancements, such as whiteboards, automatic note-taking, and more.
Bigger online platforms will often have their own software or apps to facilitate the process of signing up for counseling, conducting sessions, and distributing learning materials.
Benefits of Online Couples Counseling
Gone are the days when counseling had to take place in the therapist’s office. For many couples, online sessions are the preferred choice, for a variety of reasons:
- Convenience and accessibility. If you live in a small town or a suburb, you can save hours on commuting to the therapist’s office. And if you or your partner needs to travel frequently, or is deployed overseas, meeting online may be your only option.
- Privacy. Online couples counseling takes place on secure platforms or software. The therapy agreement ensures that conversations remain confidential.
- Variety of therapists. If you and your partner are looking for specific support — for example, as a gay couple — that’s harder to find, online counseling gives you access to a broader pool of practitioners.
Drawbacks of Online Couples Counseling
Meeting a therapist online is not without its challenges. Some people prefer to see the counselor in person to avoid common issues of online counseling:
- Lack of physical presence. When you, your partner, and the therapist sit at your desks, facing the small laptop camera, it’s not possible to get the full benefits of physical contact. The therapist may not notice your full body language and miss important clues.
- Technical issues. If there’s anything that the COVID pandemic has taught us, it’s that online communications sometimes fail. Poor internet connections and insufficient audio or video quality can interrupt the flow of the session.
- Not for severe cases. When domestic violence is involved, partners should see a practitioner in person. Therapy offices are a neutral space where the partner experiencing abuse can feel safer. Also, when one of the partners has a serious mental health issue, an in-person setting is a better choice.
Effectiveness: Can It Save Your Relationship?
Online therapy, including couples counseling, is an effective form of psychological support. According to a systematic review of studies on using videoconferencing to deliver couples therapy, this approach is effective, feasible, and acceptable by couples.
There are emerging studies comparing the results of traditional and online couples counseling. For example, a 2022 study offered couples the same counseling program. Some of the participants attended sessions at the office, while others met their therapist online.
The positive results of the program, such as improved relationship satisfaction and mental health, did not differ based on whether the sessions were conducted online or in-office.
Cost: Online vs. Traditional Counseling
Local couples therapists in a given area usually offer similar rates. With online couples counseling, you will find a wider range of fees.
Big online platforms have packages starting at $60 to $90 per week, but make sure to check what’s included. Sometimes that price range only gives you text support and materials to watch, without access to an actual therapist.
A standard therapy session will likely cost you anywhere between $100 and $250. Sometimes the first assessment is more expensive because the session lasts longer.
Some insurance providers offer reimbursement for couples therapy, but always confirm that yours covers telehealth services. Always check with your insurance to understand what is covered and to what extent. For example, there may be limitations in the number of sessions.
How To Choose the Right Online Therapist
Finding the right counselor is the key to success in therapy. Depending on the nature of your concerns, that person will be like a relationship detective, helping you identify pain points, or an experienced guide who will offer science-based tools to improve your relationship. In conflict cases, the therapist will act as a bridge, helping you get closer again.
Here’s what you need to consider when searching for the right therapist:
- Credentials and qualifications. Since it’s so easy to offer counseling services online, there’s a risk of finding someone without the right credentials, especially if you’re paying out of pocket. Therapists who are covered by insurance must have all the required licenses and training. Make sure to check your therapist’s credentials. If need be, consult their local professional association.
- Specialization in couples therapy. Not every therapist is a couples’ therapist. To specialize in working with couples, counselors must take specialized courses. And if you’re looking for support with intimate concerns, you should aim for someone experienced in providing sex therapy.
- Reviews and recommendations. Big counseling platforms offer their clients an easy way to review practitioners. Focus on testimonials presenting concrete results. If your therapist is independent, check the opinions about them on Google and other search engines. It’s always a good idea to ask friends and relatives for recommendations, as well.
Online Couples Counseling May Help Save Your Relationship
When your relationship is in trouble, you want to find a quick and effective way to solve your problems. Online couples counseling is perfect for that — offering a simple, cost-effective, and intimate approach.
Research shows online couples therapy can be as beneficial as in-person sessions. The key to success is finding a practitioner you both can trust and who will motivate you to do the hard work necessary to heal your relationship.
If you and your partner need professional support to deal with a crisis, online couples counseling may give you the results you want in the shortest possible time — all from the comfort of your own home.
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Anka Grzywacz is a sexologist, reproductive health expert and Certified Sex Coach™. In her online practice she helps busy women and couples solve their intimate problems.