Woman smiling

Best Books About Sexology: “She Comes First”


  • “She Comes First” by Ian Kerner, PhD, is one of the best sexology books on how to please a woman through oral sex.
  • We love this book for its mix of real-life advice and expert knowledge on female anatomy.
  • The guide gives you a tried and tested, six-step scenario to help your partner orgasm.
  • The author explains how giving great oral can help men with ED reclaim sexual confidence.

If you’re looking for best sexology books to help you master the art of cunnilingus (giving your woman oral), look no further.  Ian Kerner wrote this guide for all guys who can name all the car parts under the hood, but have no clue about women’s anatomy and pleasure. 

Some of his teachings may turn your world upside down (wait, my penis is NOT the center of the universe???) but if you embrace them, your lover will be forever grateful.

Why We Love It

“She Comes First” became an international bestseller because it’s written by a man for real men. Although Ian Kerner has a doctorate in sexology,  the inspiration to write the guide came from his own sexual issues.  He candidly shares his struggles with premature ejaculation and failed attempts to satisfy sexual partners.

The author combined his personal experience and professional know-how to create a simple, action-oriented guide. And the best thing about it? It’s funny and easy to read. Short success stories of regular guys encourage you to pause reading and get down to oral (pun intended) assignments immediately.

Is This Book for You?

The book’s subtitle reads, “Thinking man’s guide to pleasuring a woman,” so if you consider yourself a man who takes his lover’s pleasure seriously, you won’t be disappointed. If you’ve never been a fan of cunnilingus, you’ll become a convert when you learn the wonders this technique can work for your lover and your relationship.

This guide promises to teach you all the right moves to make sure your woman is pleased and begging for more. It’s also a fantastic primer on female anatomy. Does the word G-spot sound like a name of a fancy wristwatch to you? Grab a copy of “She Comes First,” and learn to understand your partner’s body.

Even if you think you’re advanced in oral skills, don’t dismiss this book. Kerner offers practical advice for beginners as well as seasoned lovers wanting to explore new heights of orgasmic pleasure with their ladies.

Couple smiling in bedWhat You’ll Learn

The guide is divided into two parts — one focusing on the mindset to become an oral sex pro, and the other giving step-by-step instructions. 

Here are some of the highlights:

The Value of Delayed Gratification

The author claims that women’s main complaint around oral sex is that men are impatient and end stimulation too soon. Kerner encourages you to “act like a gentleman” and let the lady come first. 

This decision to delay your satisfaction increases her chances of having an orgasm. According to the expert, devoting just 20 minutes to tongue caressing can completely transform your sex life.

6 Steps to Perfect Oral

Kerner talks about cunnilingus as if it were a musical masterpiece. Do things in order, use the right instruments, catch the rhythm, and you’ll reach the grand finale (and a loud ovation!).

There’s a whole chapter with step-by-step instructions for beginner, intermediate, and seasoned lovers. Learn it by heart and practice until you get it right. The author stresses the importance of teamwork and communicating in bed. “Cunnilingus is not something you do for her, it’s something you do with her,” he says.

No, the Clitoris Is Not a Small Penis

According to the book, men don’t understand female sexual anatomy. The biggest misconception of all? That the clitoris is like a penis, but smaller. The truth is much more interesting. What you see as a little button at the top of her genitals is but the tip of an iceberg (although it can get super-hot down there!).

The chapters on women’s sexual parts give you an easy-to-understand overview of how your partner’s body works. You’ll finally figure out why some of the moves you’ve been doing didn’t help you score that orgasmic goal. For example, her clitoris is very sensitive, so you may need to be much gentler with it than you thought.

Man reading a book

How Imitating Cats Can Make You a Better Lover

“She Comes First” is like one big ad for oral, and for good reason. Ian Kerner wants you to understand and embrace the power of the tongue and mouth. And he uses memorable metaphors to get his point across — like the one about imitating a cat licking its fur. So, next time you visit your girlfriend, instead of complaining about cat hair, observe the little feline and get inspired.

Reading this book can sometimes feel like a blow to your male ego. You’ll realize that your penis is not the main (and definitely not the only) tool for satisfying your lover. It doesn’t mean you should stop having intercourse. It’s only a matter of putting oral pleasure ahead of penetration.

Why the 69 Position Is Overrated

A good sexology book would not be complete without a section on common bedroom mistakes. You’ll learn which positions to avoid when performing cunnilingus. Contrary to popular belief, the famous 69 is not the best choice for comfort and satisfaction.

Kerner busts many other oral myths, like the one about working your tongue hard and fast, imitating the porn stars. Instead of frantic tongue flicking, go slow and light as a feather, and see what happens.

How To Know If She Orgasmed

Nature can be so unfair. A woman can always tell if her man had an orgasm — but the other way round, not so much. Once you learn to recognize the subtle signs of her body, you’ll be able to tell when she’s close, and you’ll be pretty sure that she climaxed. Wouldn’t it be nice to know that you made your lady happy without having to ask, “Was it good for you?”

Don’t Let ED Get in Your Way

Ian Kerner’s guide is on our list of best sexology books for one more important reason. It gives hope to guys who think they can’t become master lovers if they have PE or ED.

Learning the secrets of giving great oral gives you more freedom and confidence. No longer will you have to rely on prolonged, rock-hard erections. You’ll have a whole new repertoire of tricks to keep the fun going (and the juices flowing), even if intercourse is out of the question.

Learn the secrets of oral sex, and you’ll earn her eternal gratitude. But don’t give up on your own pleasure just yet. Modern treatments for erectile dysfunction are safe and effective. 

Online consultation with a U.S.-licensed physician is always free at eDrugstore. Choose the right treatment here, and we’ll ship your medication quickly, discreetly, and for free, so you can go back to having fantastic sex.

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