By Tim Brownson, Certified Life Coach & Published Author
We recently had our best friends from the UK stay with us for a two-week period. They have two teenage daughters, one of whom is 16, and one who turned 14 whilst in the U.S. They are both very bright, or at least it seems that way to me – and the recent “straight-A” exam results of the eldest one seem to confirm that.
I was asking her one evening what she wanted to do as a career and which universities she was considering. I said something like “With results like yours I would have thought Oxford or Cambridge would be a possibility?”
She then spent 5 minutes, or that’s how long it seemed, patiently explaining to me why she would never get into either of those universities. Apparently, she felt it was because she didn’t play sports or a musical instrument to a high level, and she would be considered a complete non-starter.
I flippantly asked her if she thought Stephen Hawking would be turned down if he was applying now? All I got was an eye roll and a look that suggested I was just being silly.
The truth of the matter is, I have absolutely no idea about the selection criteria for the premier universities in the UK or U.S. Maybe they do look more favorably on students who possess multiple non-academic skills, especially here in the U.S., where successful sports programs are often cash cows for schools.
The point of this post, however, is not for me to rant about the educational system, but to rant about some kids not thinking they are good enough. And conversely, some kids thinking the opposite.
I know that that sounds really weird coming from a Life Coach, but bear with me a moment.
There is a growing trend in the U.S. toward telling kids they can do or be anything they want to in life. I get the rationale behind it, but it’s fundamentally flawed. In no way is it the answer to a previous generation of parents telling their kids to be realistic about their abilities and “play it safe” with their career choices.
We are creating a nation of people brimming with confidence and precious little tenacity or ability. And that, to me at least, is almost as bad as kids with lots of ability and no confidence.
When you hear a child saying they can’t possibly do or achieve something, ask them what makes them think that? Don’t blindly tell them they can achieve whatever it is and then assume that your job for the day is done.
Presuming it’s within physical limitations, explain to the child it really is possible, but that it may well require some hard work and commitment.
Be credible. Show the child examples of people that have done what they want to do, and what they had to go through, and then find out if the child stills wants it so badly. If they do, then it’s time to encourage and support the hell out of them.
Similarly, if you hear one of your children say they can achieve something really huge, ask them what they are going to do to make it happen, and go through the same process I just mentioned.
This is how you enable dreams, not crush them – because dreams do not get crushed by asking a simple question like, “How do you intend to do that?”
About the Author
Tim Brownson is an English Professional Life Coach, NLP Master Practitioner and author living in Orlando, Florida. He is currently involved in a unique project to give away 1,000,000 copies of the hard copy version of the critically acclaimed book he has co-authored called “How To Be Rich and Happy.”
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