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What did you learn about penises and erections when you were in school? Not much, probably. The anatomical basis and, if you were lucky enough, someone showed you hot to put on a condom.
United States and many other countries are lagging behind when it comes to comprehensive sex education. According to the Guttmacher Institute, only 55% of teenage boys and 60% of girls in the US received information about birth control methods from their school.
Insufficient sex education has consequences in adult life. You may be asking yourself “Am I normal if I can’t get an erection sometimes” or “How long should I stay hard”. The good news – it’s never too late to start learning.
Sex education for adults is booming and you’ll be better off using it than learning about sex through porn. Here’s what you need to know.
Occasional erection problems are normal
Difficulty getting hard once doesn’t mean you have ED. Many adult guys don’t know that. After all, school-based sex education is addressed at teenage boys. No one thinks about informing them about potential future problems.
So the first time you experience something like that, you may immediately imagine yourself having to rely on Viagra until the rest of your life. Take it easy. If you can’t get an erection from time to time, it doesn’t necessarily mean you have ED.
What you need to do is observe yourself. In which situations do erection problems happen? New partner? (it could be stress) After a party? (it could be alcohol or drugs) In a marriage? (it may be harder to get excited once the thrill is gone).
If you can’t find a cause of your erectile difficulties or still feel unsure, the best thing to do is consult your physician. They will tell you if you need that Viagra or not.
Real sex is not like porn
If you’ve been growing up in the age of the Internet (or VHS tapes or DVDs for that matter), chances are you got some of your sex education from porn. And it may be messing with your sex life, big time.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with porn made by consenting adults. It’s just that it’s not real. It’s a fantasy and an exaggerated one. Actors have endless hard-ons and they never have ED. Ever.
If you want to get a different perspective and stop comparing your erections to the ones you see in porn, watch a “making of” video for one of those films. You’d be surprised how much preparation and how many repeats it takes to shoot a movie like that. Dig deeper, and you’ll realize many porn stars actually rely on Viagra to stay hard longer. This is not the reality.
Sex education for adults
If you feel your own sex education left big knowledge blanks, get educated. Sex education for adults is booming and you can learn more about your own body and pleasure.
Start where you (most likely) are already. On social media. Platforms like Instagram or TikTok are a bit more liberal than good old Facebook so start there. Popular Instagram sex educators have a following of hundreds of thousands!
TikTok is a very fresh medium that has won the hearts of teenagers with its bite-sized videos and messages. Thankfully, there’s no upper age limit so if you’re a little bit older you can still check it out. Some users share their own experiences, others are professional sex therapists who answer your intimate questions.
If you’re a bit less interactive, check out one of many sex-related TED and TEDx talks. They even have a special channel devoted to sex education for adults.
When in doubt consult a doctor
Remember, learning about sexuality from the Internet can never replace the need for a professional medical or psychological consultation. An online bot like Planned Parenthood’s Roo might give you some tips (in 180 characters or less) but it will not prescribe Viagra or check you to see if what you’re dealing with is ED or not.
When in doubt, always talk to your doctor or use our anonymous online consultation with a licensed physician. Click here to learn more about available ED treatments.
Anka Grzywacz is a sexologist, reproductive health expert and Certified Sex Coach™. In her online practice she helps busy women and couples solve their intimate problems.