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Whether you have been married four years or 40, times of sexual frustration for one or both partners will occur. A less-than-satisfying love life can be remedied, though.
Sexual Problems and Your Health
Some health issues can have an effect on your sex life, so before you begin addressing your frustration, you need to make sure that both you and your partner are in good health.
One of the most prominent diseases that can cause problems with your sexual life is diabetes. Diabetes impairs not only your body’s ability to process glucose, but it also affects the neurological system, circulatory system, and cardiac health. According to a study conducted at the University of Chicago Medical Center, men who had been diagnosed with diabetes were not only more likely to have a decreased interest in sex but were also far more likely to suffer from erectile dysfunction.
Erectile dysfunction may also be caused by some other illnesses and conditions. High blood pressure, high cholesterol and heart disease all have a negative effect on the condition of the blood vessels in the body. Atherosclerosis, the hardening of the arteries, makes it difficult for the blood vessels to properly dilate and allow the smooth flow of blood to the body’s organs and tissues, including the tissue of the penis. This can make it difficult to get and maintain an erection.
A visit with your doctor and a thorough examination will determine if your loss of libido and sexual frustration is treatable with medication and lifestyle changes. Doctors will often prescribe vasodilators, such as Viagra or Cialis, that work to open the blood vessels and improve the flow of blood. By increasing the quality of the blood flow to the penis, these medications help a man to get an erection and maintain it.
A woman’s sexual life can also be affected by her health and any underlying issues or illnesses. Research suggests that 43% of women have reported some form of difficulty with sexual dysfunction that is the result of a physical or psychological problem. Women can also be affected by diabetes and heart disease, as well as hormonal imbalances that can reduce a woman’s libido and make it difficult, even painful, to have sex. Treatment and therapy can help a woman to deal with any sexual problems and overcome them.
Once you and your partner have dealt with any medical issues that could be causing your lack of sex, you can begin looking at other ways to improve your communication and reignite the spark.
Good Communication is the Key
One of the major reasons, if not the major reason, that married couples find themselves frustrated sexually is a lack of good communication. Talking about sex makes many people uncomfortable, and when it comes to two people in a relationship, discussing the pros and cons of their sex life may seem impossible. Both partners may feel guilty about being dissatisfied and afraid that the other partner will take any comments as negative criticism rather than constructive. However, intimacy and the natural spark of attraction increase when a couple is open and honest with each other about everything, including sex.
Addressing the lack of sex in your relationship has to begin by clearing the air. Talking about it will help you determine what the cause of the problem may be, whether it is negative emotions, medical issues, even stress.
Scheduling Your Sexy Time
The idea of scheduling in sex sounds extremely unsexy, but penciling in some quality time with your loved one may be just the spark you need. Psychologists who specialize in sex therapy have found that planning a date and letting your partner know that you want to be sexual can not only lead to a nice time but also may be a catalyst for more spontaneous sex on other occasions. Planning a date with your partner doesn’t have to be elaborate or complicated either; even a quiet date night at home can transition quickly into a romantic evening.
Don’t Forget the Importance of Touch
In any relationship, the large portion of your time together is spent outside the bedroom. It is important for both partners to feel loved and desired at all times, not just when in the bedroom and sex is imminent or desired. Finding ways to connect with your partner will help you build and maintain intimacy, helping to rebuild communication and letting your partner know that you want them. Building that sort of intimacy can happen in a lot of ways. They may be loving text messages or hugging and embracing, any kind of contact that is loving and sensual.
Massage should also be an important part of your relationship. Though often dismissed, touch is one of our most important senses, and sensual touching can allow you and your partner to convey your affection and love for each other in a relaxing way. At least once a week, spend 20 to 30 minutes giving affectionate and loving touches to one another, head to toe, at a pace that works for both of you. This gives you both the opportunity to connect physically and take some of the pressure off to have sex until you are comfortable, relaxed and ready.
Maybe you came into the relationship with certain fantasies that you chose to never share with your partner, or perhaps years of being close have generated some sexual desires and fantasies that you have not yet shared with your spouse. Now is the time to do it. Married couples often complain about everything being the same: same positions, same time of day, et cetera. To change things up, and reignite that spark, sit down and openly discuss your turn-ons. Share what you like, what interests you, and let them know you are open to hearing what turns them on. Sometimes simply discussing the things that turn you on that you have kept a secret can spark new excitement in the marriage.
Conclusion
Marriage is a lot of work, and that includes keeping your sexual life healthy and happy. Years of living together can breed a familiarity that causes the spark to fade, leaving both partners dissatisfied. Health issues may also play a role, creating conditions in the body that make sex difficult, even impossible, frustrating both parties.
There is always hope, however. Taking care of yourself, managing health issues such as diabetes and heart disease, can get your body back in shape and raise your libido. Reconnect with your partner by communicating about what you like and don’t like and what your fantasies are. Don’t forget touching and physical intimacy outside of sex; making your partner feel desired all the time is the key to keeping your marriage sexy and satisfying.
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