Couple lying in bed appearing bored

“Sexual Boredom”: Is It Real, or Is It Just a Smokescreen?

Highlights:

  • According to a large study, 71% of men and 49% of women who cheat do it out of sexual boredom.
  • Men tend to get more sexually bored than women.
  • Bedroom boredom could be a symptom of relationship or mental health problems.
  • Keeping sex life exciting takes conscious action.  
  • We need more research to understand this complex issue.

According to the book “The Normal Bar,” excerpted in HuffPost, information collected from 10,000 people found that 71% of men and 49% of women who cheat do it because they felt bored in bed with their partner. Is sexual boredom the real reason couples grow apart? Or is there something else?

Studies on Sexual Boredom

While researchers have conducted studies on general boredom, boring sex is still uncharted territory. A systematic review of articles found three aspects of sexual boredom: individual, relationship, and societal. However, the review also found that existing studies haven’t been able to create a model or even a definition of sexual boredom. 

The authors were able to conclude that sexual boredom is connected to our level of satisfaction in bed, our response to stimuli, and to hypersexuality. This complex topic has several layers:

  • individual
  • relationship
  • societal

It’s clear that more research is needed on the topic. Making sense of sexual boredom could help therapists support couples dealing with infidelity or relationship crises, but for now, it’s a bit of a guessing game.

Couple speaking to a therapist.
Understanding sexual boredom could help couples in conflict

Signs You Are Bored in Bed

How do you even know you’re experiencing sexual boredom? First, if you’re a man, you are more likely to be bored in bed. 

Keep in mind that feeling bored could be a sign of depression, so you might want to get a mental health checkup. Other possible signs of sexual boredom include:

  • reduced well-being
  • low libido
  • choosing masturbation over sex with a partner
  • risky behaviors, such as cheating

The problem with sexual boredom is that it touches so many aspects of our lives and relationships. This makes it difficult to analyze and manage. But understanding what’s behind “being bored in bed” is key.

Is Sexual Boredom a Smokescreen?

In my practice as a sexologist, I talk to women who have been married for 15 years and still have hot sex two or three times a week. I also speak to couples who lost interest in intimacy after a year or two. When it comes to sexual boredom, there are no clear rules.

Usually, when boredom kicks in, it means something else has been brewing for some time between people. Perhaps you are ashamed to share your fantasies in bed. It could be that you are using boredom to hide other uncomfortable problems like erectile dysfunction.

Or maybe you have unresolved conflicts in non-sexual areas of your relationship. Unequal division of household or childcare responsibilities is a common suspect.

Can arguments around dishwasher duty put you in a sexual rut? Yes, they can. The good news? Communication is a skill, and skills can be learned. 

Sexual boredom can be a smokescreen for other problems

You Get What You Believe

Getting to the root of sexual boredom can take some digging in the past. What did you hear from friends or on TV about sex in a marriage or after a baby?

Chances are high that you heard some depressing stories — loving couples growing apart, affairs, divorces.

Many of my clients fall into that trap. They believe sex can’t be good in a long-term relationship. This is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

It’s possible to keep intimacy exciting for the rest of your life. But it does take conscious action. Sometimes, it also takes courage to solve your sexual problems. Talking to a counselor or sex therapist is the first step.

eDrugstore is Here for You

If you’re struggling with sexual function issues, such as erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation, or relationship and intimacy issues, eDrugstore can help. Check out our medication guide or follow the eDrugstore blog for more information about sexual health and other men’s health issues. 

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