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Highlights:
- Cam first experienced ED symptoms during a holiday at the age of 34.
- He was devastated at first, but after reading an article he decided to seek treatment.
- Cam’s doctor prescribed Viagra and suggested seeing a sex therapist.
- The counselor helped Cam redefine his views on ED and masculinity.
- With his newfound confidence, Cam’s anxiety eased, and he found new ways to please his girlfriend. His ED has improved, and their sex life is better than ever.
Cam was 34 when his erectile dysfunction symptoms started. At first, he treated this as a blow to his manhood. Then a magazine article encouraged him to redefine what it means to be a man. It turns out that changing your thinking about ED and masculinity can turn sex problems into a blessing in disguise for your relationship!
Here’s Cam’s story.
Growing Up To Be a “Real Man”
I grew up in a typical Atlanta suburb — not too conservative but not too liberal, either. My parents are college-educated and pushed me and my two brothers to get our degrees.
I was raised to believe that a man doesn’t ask for directions or talk about his problems. Problems were something you dealt with.
And that’s a great way of thinking when you have a broken tap or a leaking roof, but not so much when your penis stops working like it should.
It All Started in Cancun
I remember the first time I got ED. It was July, and we were on our dream vacation in Cancun — just me and Jen, the love of my life.
The second night, after a romantic dinner, we headed to the room, stimulated from the heat and the margaritas. I felt excited but I couldn’t get hard.
The evening ended in an awkward silence. She told me it was probably the drinks, but I knew something was off. I’ve had sex after alcohol before without any issues.
The next day, we decided to skip dinner and have an early night. I guess we both wanted to put the incident behind us. To my horror, the situation repeated itself, and this time, there was no alcohol involved.
A romantic holiday in Cancun. What could possibly go wrong?
Confronting a Man’s Worst Fear
The next few weeks were a downward spiral. With every failed attempt, I was feeling less of a man.
Suddenly, the stupid jokes about ED that guys tell in the gym didn’t feel funny at all. I was on the other side of the glass now.
After one of my workouts, I went to relax in the sauna. As I was resting, a magazine caught my eye. It was an issue of “Men’s Health,” and one of the titles said something about ED and men in their thirties.
To my surprise, the article didn’t talk so much about Viagra or other pills. Instead, it focused on sexual performance anxiety as the main reason guys my age can’t perform in bed.
Me and anxiety? I couldn’t quite connect the dots. Sex has always been good and easy. I had to dig deeper.
Real Men Talk About ED
After reading that article, I still had no idea why my sex problems started, but I was on to something.
I’m a grown man, I thought to myself. I shouldn’t be afraid to talk about my ED, especially with my girlfriend. The magazine article made me realize that ED and relationships are a tricky combination. Jen is everything to me. I didn’t want to lose her.
I decided to prepare myself for a conversation with her. For that, I needed to have the full picture of my situation. I made an appointment at a sexual health clinic.
The doctor asked me all sorts of questions and did a few tests. His verdict was that I was a healthy guy and my ED was most likely psychological.
He gave me a Viagra prescription but suggested seeing a sex therapist, too. “The medication may help you get your confidence back. Working with a sex counselor will give you tools to manage psychological ED in the long term,” he advised.
For many young men, ED is psychological.
Talking to Your Partner About ED
The recommendation to see a shrink was way out of my comfort zone. Well, I said to myself. The Atlanta marathon was also out of my comfort zone, but I did it anyway! I gathered my courage and went to see the therapist my doc referred me to.
“ED and depression are often connected,” he said.
“But in your case, I suspect it’s more about trying to be the best at everything and never failing people’s expectations.”
When I heard that, I said, “Well, yeah. What man doesn’t want to win?”
“I see why this is important to you,” I heard. “But the mindset that has helped you get ahead at work or in sports is often counterproductive in relationships.”
It took a few more meetings before it all sank in.
The therapist helped me understand the connection between ED and self-esteem. He told me that he sees many young guys, alpha male types, who are shocked to discover they have ED. When their performance in bed suffers, they freak out.
It dawned on me that a one-off failure in bed, on that fateful night in Cancun, led to a vicious circle. The more I got anxious about my erections, the more often they didn’t happen.
Many Paths to Great Sex
In the end, sex therapy turned out to be more fun than I thought. Sure, there were some tough moments when I had to admit my fears or talk about my feelings (not something I’m used to doing).
I also had to accept that overcoming ED for good was unrealistic for me. I am aware that the mind plays a huge role in erections. There will be times of great stress when my body may refuse to cooperate, but that’s OK. Now I have a plan B.
And working out that contingency plan was the fun part of sex counseling! My shrink pushed me to rethink what healthy sexuality meant for men.
“Men tend to be wrong about sex,” he said. “They think all women want is a big penis that never fails. I have worked with enough female clients to say that’s not true.”
It was time to get creative and brainstorm techniques and ideas to keep the sexy vibe going even when ED kicked in.
Did I mention I was a fast learner? I started reading some sexology books and soon enough, I was a master of all kinds of sex techniques.
Jen was super happy with my newfound interest in the art of lovemaking. She even suggested some porn films for us to “get inspired.” Who knew, there was something called women’s erotica. I must have lived under a rock!
These films are a total win-win for us. Jen gets all hot and ready while watching them (and she used to hate the porn films I picked before). I’m learning all kinds of cool stuff, such as how to use sex toys or talk dirty. We’re never bored in bed these days!
Watching adult films together can inspire you to try new things in bed.
Taking a Fresh Look at ED and Masculinity
Let’s face it: No guy wants to have erectile dysfunction, especially at a young age. But in the end, the experience can teach you a lot about yourself. Sexual problems bring up feelings of shame, and erectile dysfunction can happen to the best of us.
So, what do you do? Give up, pretend it’s not happening? I think a real man has the responsibility to face his fears and find solutions for his problems.
I went to see the doctor and did ED therapy, but not just for me. I love my girlfriend, and I want her to be happy and satisfied.
Nowadays, there are so many treatment options for ED that it would be stupid to sit and complain. So, get yourself educated and do something about it!
Your ED Treatment Options at a Click
For most men, ED medication is the first treatment step. Visit eDrugstore.com for a complimentary telemedicine consultation with a U.S.-licensed physician, or browse our erectile dysfunction medication guide and upload a prescription from your own doctor. Discreet shipping is always free.
Disclaimer: This article provides general information about health and related topics but is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
Anka Grzywacz is a sexologist, reproductive health expert and Certified Sex Coach™. In her online practice she helps busy women and couples solve their intimate problems.