by Dan Seitz
As you may know, Viagra is about to go off patent. Pfizer, looking to extend the life of one of the most popular pharmaceuticals in history, has decided to go with a rather…novel way to do it: Viagra gum. Wrigley, yes, the Doublemint people, have plans, or at least a patent filed, ready to double your pleasure and double your fun.
The idea seems ridiculous, but does have merit: pills can be hard on the stomach, and the gum can be a slightly more discreet way of getting your dose of sidenafil.
Still, we had to think…what could be some other ways you could market Viagra as it goes off patent? Here are a few we think Pfizer should consider:
Lollipops
As long as we’re sticking with candy, let’s go all the way and have a nice, big, blue lollipop. Lollipops aren’t the most discreet sticky treat, true, but at the same time, you can simply forgo your dessert and have a lollipop, while getting ready for the real dessert. It can also help people with a bit of an oral fixation perhaps transfer that somewhere else.
Of course, the downside is, everybody loves lollipops. Imagine something goes horribly wrong, and the wrong shipment winds up at the dentist: you’d have one of the most inappropriate days in dental history. But at least everyone would leave the office happy.
Chewables
If we’re going to go with weak stomachs as a good reason for Viagra gum, let’s at least give them a few options and give them a chewable. Why stop there? Make them available in fun, naughty shapes. If you’re going to go, go all out.
Wait, then you probably couldn’t sell them in drugstores, at least not with any advertising. There’d also be the matter of explaining the difference to your children between their vitamins and Daddy’s vitamins.
Inhaler
Again, not the most discrete method, but at least more discreet than gulping down a big blue pill. Just a casual puff on the inhaler and then you’re ready for love.
As long as asthmatics don’t confuse the two, especially during the deed, things will go just fine. Although if they do confuse the two, we suppose that might be a bit of a problem.
Drinks
Why not? After all, “herbal” “remedy” Extenze has an energy shot. Of course, unlike Extenze, Viagra is proven to actually work, and there’s no reason to limit it to energy shots. How about a Viagra soda, the flavor that lasts? Viagra Coffee, the coffee that perks you up? Viagra tea, to warm you up?
The marketing opportunities alone make this one a winner.
Suppository
One of the big problems with Viagra is that it can take an hour to kick in, as the drug works its way through your system. A suppository would eliminate that problem, kicking in much faster.
Of course, there is the rather delicate nature of, ah, taking it. But we’re sure you can work that one in.
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