Durex, purveyor of fine latex sheaths for responsible boys and girls, recently conducted an online survey of 26,000 respondents in 26 different countries to figure out what was happening in the great countries of the world, sexually speaking. Among the crucial data: how many of the respondents were even getting any in the first place. Some got a little, some got a decent amount, and some…some just don’t seem to do anything else.
1) Greece
If the statistics ring true, let’s put it to you this way: if you walk down a street in Greece, and pass ten people, nine of them are probably getting nookie on a regular basis.
Greece clocks in with a truly impressive 87% of respondents having sex. That puts them tops in the world, but also tops in Europe; it puts them at least 10% over the surprisingly randy Polish and unsurprisingly randy Italians, and a whopping 17% more than the surprisingly unrandy French. The Greeks may have a down economy, but apparently that’s the only thing that’s down.
It’s not a shock, really. Think about the history of Greece, and it’s pretty much the history of doing it. Our word for dirty images, pornography, comes from Greek (it means “the writings of prostitutes”). These are people who made sex toys out of bread and sold them in the street, back in the day (http://sites.google.com/site/qitranscripts/transcripts/2×01). Of course they’re going at it! They’ve got a reputation to maintain!
2) Brazil
Coming in close, uncomfortably close, behind Greece is Brazil. 82% of Brazilians are getting it on, on the regular, leading their closest rival the Mexicans by 11%. It’s a rivalry to challenge any soccer grudge match.
This isn’t really that much of a surprise. Who keeps shrinking the bikini? Brazil. Who invented the Brazilian wax for related reasons? Brazil. Who came up with the senuous lambada? Brazil. OK, the lambada is as much the fault of the ’80s as Brazil, but they had the basic idea.
All we can say is thanks, Brazil, for dragging the Americas into the top three despite being tagged with Canada.
3) Russia
Coming in third, with eight out of ten respondents rising to the occasion is…Russia?
Wait, Russia? The land of freezing cold, depression, and post-Communist economic collapse? That Russia? The Russia where most people can’t even buy the vodka the country makes by the tanker and have to drink cologne (http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2007/jun/15/russia.science)? That Russia?
We’re not really sure how to explain this one, despite years of seeing Russian Playmates and the general hotness of Russian athletes after the steroid abuse scandals ended. Considering semi-Communist China has a rate of 78%, we’re just going to assume it’s got something to do with their lack of Western comforts like amusement parks and reality shows that aren’t mind-blowingly insane even by cable standards. Jimmy Buffet’s “Why Don’t We Get Drunk and Screw?” isn’t just a song in that situation; it’s a life philosophy.
So, you might be asking, who gets the least nookie? That would be Japan.
4) Japan
Yeah, that’d be our reaction on learning that too.
Why does Japan sit at the bottom of the list, well behind absolutely everybody by at least ten points to sit at 34%?
We’re guessing it’s because Japan has a history of overworking itself, a low birth rate so there are fewer hot guys and nubile ladies to do it in the first place, and an overwhelming population of old people everywhere. Seriously. Japan is a giant sleazy nursing home with lots of stealing (http://articles.cnn.com/2008-12-24/world/elderly.shoplifters_1_elderly-man-shoplifting-petty-crime?_s=PM:WORLD). It’s a serious problem.
We can understand the lack of desire. If we had to spend all our time thinking about a wizened grandpa sticking his hand in our pocket, we’d probably stop having sex too.
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