by: Josh Thiele
- Part I – Prehistory to Ancient India
- Part II – Greco Roman
- Part III – The Middle Ages
- Part IV – The Erectile Revolution
Sparrow Brains, Oysters, Ginseng, Mandrake, Pheromones, and Spanish Fly
Throughout recorded history, the erection has had its ups and downs, and whenever it’s been down too long, men have looked for ways to keep it up. Every culture has its sure-fire methods of maintaining a salute, from sparrow brains and oysters to ginseng, mandrake, pheromones, and the infamous Spanish fly (actually a beetle, which, when dried and crushed, irritates the bejeezus out of the urethra and can cause permanent damage to the genitals; how this is supposed to be a turn-on is one of the great mysteries in the history of sexual desperation).
Remember the Reebok pump? If it weren’t for Viagra, we’d have those orange buttons on our gootches.
Reynier de Graaf Injected Saline into the Penises of Cadavers
As we learned in a previous installment, Islamic scientists in the middle ages used combinations of food and herbs in an attempt to create medications that would induce and prolong an erection. In 1668, Dutch physician Reynier de Graaf injected saline into the penises of cadavers, thus putting it into the heads of the scientific community that it would be just dandy to use pointy objects on the phallus in order to get and keep its attention.
Things got worse before they got better: In 1920, Russian scientist Serge Voronoff transplanted tissue from a monkey’s testes into a human male’s sex organs. Seven years previously, the first penis pump was patented, and ED sufferers who have been too scared (and too smart) to under the knife or needle for the sake of nookie have been thankful ever since.
For the brave/insane, penile implants have been an option since the 1950s. Things were getting desperate and something had to come along to save us from our own vanity before we started implanting air pumps in our units.
Salvation came in the form of Sildenafil citrate. Oh Sildenafil citrate, our aging members thank thee for the new life that thou hast brought us–for the marriages thou hast saved, the dates thou hast caused to endeth in intercourse most fine. Yea, Sildenafil citrate, to thee do we owe our gratitude most eternal.
Viagra Sildenafil Citrate
Yes, Virginia, we’re talking about C22H30N6O4S, 1-[4-ethoxy-3-(6,7-dihydro-1-methyl-7-oxo-3-propyl-1H-pyrazolo[4,3-d]pyrimidin-5-yl) phenylsulfonyl]-4-methylpiperazine citrate, otherwise known to laymen by its trade name: Viagra.
Originally developed by Pfizer as a treatment for high blood pressure and angina, clinical testing showed that while it didn’t do much for either of those conditions, it did cause some test subjects to develop triumphant erections. Hallelujah! Other than the deep remorse felt by those who had already had plastic tubes implanted in their manhoods, the discovery of a true elixir that had been sought after for centuries was greeted with great elation, relief, and untold thousands of hours worth of late-night monologue fodder.
It was a new dawn for our hero the erection.
FDA approved Viagra in 1998
The FDA approved Viagra in 1998, and it was a winner. In the years since it first became available, though, it’s dominance in the market has been challenged by Tadalafil (Cialis), and Vardenafil (Levitra). But what does our friend erection care? More options mean more uptime and more uptime means more time between the sheets. And in these days of the computers and Internets, it’s easier than ever to procure safe, FDA-approved medications from sites like eDrugstore.com.
It’s a great time in human history to be an erection. The long journey of pain and pleasure, of pride and shame, has led us to today, where a stiffy can be a stiffy. A chubby can stay chubby through the wee hours of the morning, and a surgation shall not be subjected to the whims of a man’s age or circumstance.
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