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Oh Those Frisky Boomers: STDs On The Rise Among Seniors

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Reviewed By,

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by Dan Seitz

Viagra has given back sexual vitality to millions.  Years after many people had forgotten about sex, they suddenly find themselves feeling frisky.  Soon followed, in way too many cases, of feeling an uncomfortable sensation below the belt, and an extremely awkward doctor’s visit.

Cases of chlamydia and syphillis are up 43% among seniors across the nation, with certain senior “hotspots” going up as high at 71%.  And no, as much as you don’t want to think about it, it’s not because you get them from toilet seats.  Grandpa is getting out and getting busy, and sometimes he’s picking up something nasty into the bargain.

People are blaming the “free love” mentality of the Boomers, but it’s really more how they were educated.  Unlike the young people of today, who grew up being educated about the risks of AIDS and how to practice safe sex, Boomers grew up during a time when birth control was controversial and sexual matters were not often discussed.  To give you an idea, here’s what Boomers generally had for sex ed.

Notice how long it takes them to even get to the point?  Now imagine everybody you talked to acted like that.  It’s no wonder people used to be convinced masturbation grew hair on your palms or that it made you go blind: look what they had to work with for information!

Hippie or square, the simple fact of the matter is you probably know more about the risks of sex and how to reduce them than your dad does.  The big risk was getting your partner pregnant if her birth control failed, and post-menopause, that’s not a concern.  They certainly never used condoms before, so why start now?

There are other factors: medical technology has advanced incredibly, and a person of seventy now is much more vital and active (a lot more than we thought, apparently) that a person of seventy even ten years ago.  Even the most proper person has adjusted to the softening sexual mores over the years.  And instead of retirement homes, there are retirement communities which allow more privacy and socialization, which means more people to meet and have sparks fly with, and more places to…uh…kindle the sparks.

Finally, there’s simple loneliness.  Many retirees lose their spouses and find themselves without a partner for the first time in decades.  It’s easy to forget what it’s like to be single, especially when mourning, and some people are just looking for simple comfort.

Beyond making your brain hurt as you try to erase the image of Grandpa with a stripper from your mind, there are real problems.  Seniors in general are more likely to catch STDs, and they’re more likely to be serious health problems.  In fact, the same drugs that keep ailments like hypertension and diabetes manageable can also make them more susceptible to STDs: nobody really thought about a diabetes patient getting around a little too much, probably because the thought made them gag.

In short, you might have to sit Grandpa down and give him “the talk”.  Just…don’t use the banana demonstration, OK?  It’s just going to make everyone uncomfortable.  Especially us.

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