By Dan Seitz
Balding men have many choices. They can embrace their baldness, like Patrick Stewart. They can opt for reliable drugs such as Propecia. They can use a hairpiece, like Marv Albert.
Or they can try to confuse us, like Donald Trump.
Trump, of course, is currently in the news due to his Presidential bid, and straw polls are showing him with a genuine chance of actually winning a few primaries, which means we might finally get an explanation of what, precisely, is that…thing sitting on his head is.
Granted, hair is a prerequisite for the Presidency, just like height: the last openly bald President was Eisenhower, and the only reason we forgave his baldness was the fact that he was a major part of winning World War II. Before him, the only bald and proud president was…John Quincy Adams.
Needless to say, hairpieces have been a long Presidential tradition that Trump would fit right into. But…is that thing even a hairpiece? If not, what is it? We looked around online and found a few opinions.
It’s a Combover
The Daily Mail is rather insistent that Trump uses a combover. In fact, they went so far as to find some hairstylists to explain how the Trump combover might work: he sweeps his thinning front to the side, flips the back over, flings the left side over, and then combs it all back.
And then apparently pours an entire bottle of shellac on his head.
Are They Right?
We’re not sure. We’re definitely not denying that monstrosity looks like a combover, and we suppose it’s possible a human being could actually grow their hair that way and secure it with rubber cement or whatever would be necessary to get that fake-looking plastic sheen, but it seems like an awful lot of effort for the guy every morning. Trump’s got a lot of stuff to do, we find it hard to believe he wouldn’t put efficiency first.
It’s a Hairpiece
After it being a combover, this seems to be the most obvious explanation, and, in fact, there’s some video evidence for it being a very, very well secured hairpiece:
This video comes courtesy of Ted William’s Head, a Boston sports blog, and it was shot at the Patriots/Jets game in December 2010. But is Trump really going for the Hail Mary play?
Are They Right?
We’re forced to admit that we’re a little skeptical of this one. Not that Trump didn’t employ hairpieces at some point, we’re sure, but we have more compelling video evidence that…
It’s REAL! He Really Wears It That Way!
This one is actually likely, at least recently. In fact, we’ve got video evidence:
About twenty seconds in, Ryan Seacrest’s cohost runs her hands through his hair and, by God, there’s a detectable hairline! He lifts it up, even! And what’s really baffling is how fake it still looks and behaves, although the feathery Farrah hair look is at least better than his usual plasticine Lego hair look.
Are They Right?
While it’s hard to argue with the tape, it’s also hard to argue Trump hasn’t used more than one strategy at some point. Besides, if it is real, if likely dyed that shade and quite possibly transplanted from his armpit that raises a far darker, and more disturbing question:
If that’s his real hair… does he seriously think that haircut looks good on him?
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