Highlights
- ED and relationships can be an explosive mix. Sexual challenges can cause a serious crisis in a couple.
- Josh was 50 years old when he started having erection problems.
- His partner, Nicole, was disappointed as she had always relied on intercourse to get to orgasm.
- Josh took things in his own hands and found an effective ED treatment.
- Sex counseling helped the couple communicate better and rebuild trust.
Josh was 50 when he noticed the first signs of erectile dysfunction. His long-time partner, Nicole, noticed them too. Their intimacy suffered, and so did their relationship. Read Josh’s story of finding hope for ED and rebuilding happiness with his partner.
ED Put a Shadow on My Relationship
They say it’s inevitable. Still, when it hits you, you can’t help thinking, “No, not yet!” I was silently hoping that erection problems wouldn’t hit me until retirement age.
At 50, I still enjoyed a rich sex life with my partner. Nicole is eight years younger, and you know what they say about women in their forties nowadays — they are just getting warmed up!
Nicole is a sensual woman, and she loves sex. Well, to be more precise, she loves intercourse. How can I put this nicely? She likes to feel me inside of her.
I’m lucky this way! My partner can have an orgasm easily, provided we have intercourse long enough. Now, since my penis has stopped cooperating, that part of the game has become a problem. I was only getting half-hard or losing my erection right before she was about to finish! Talk about unfulfilled expectations . . .
I think for both of us, sex has kept the love alive. When problems with physical intimacy started, emotional intimacy also took a hit. I didn’t fully realize that because I’m an old-school guy who doesn’t talk about feelings that much. But one Saturday morning, Nicole suddenly broke down in tears.
I had no idea what was going on. “What’s wrong, babe? Did something happen?” I asked.
“I’m not feeling connected anymore,” she sobbed. “Since you started having trouble in bed, it’s as if you’re not there when we make love. You’re so distant. Do you even still want me?”
It was tough, seeing her like this. I wanted to shout out that yes, I still loved her and wanted to have sex as much as she did, but I was so ashamed that I couldn’t concentrate in bed.
“Sure I still want you,” was the only reply I could manage. We never really had to talk about this stuff, so how was I supposed to know what to say?
Taking Charge of My Sexual Health
That conversation over breakfast was a wake-up call. I knew I had to do something to save my relationship from falling apart.
I took to the internet for solutions. I found forums where guys exchanged stories. Some of them were crazy, like people taking strange herbal medications bought online. I would never do that, but I decided I’d like to try an FDA-approved ED medication.
Based on what I read, most guys do well on erectile dysfunction medication. Some of them complained about side effects, but I wanted to give it a try anyway.
I made an appointment with my doctor and he asked me all sorts of questions. “You’re way overdue for your annual physical,” he said, in a tone that reminded me of the math teacher I hated in high school. “Like, five years overdue.”
As it turns out, men of my age should regularly check their heart health, blood sugar, prostate, and some other things to make sure everything’s in working order. The doc explained that these health problems may lead to ED. I got my prescription for Cialis and went home.
What happened that night was a small miracle. I took the pill, lit some candles, and put on some romantic tunes for my lady. When the action started, I was hard in no time, and — more importantly — I stayed hard. I’m telling you, she positively beamed at me when we were done! I was so relieved.
The Importance of Communication
I wish I could say we had our happy ending but, despite taking ED meds, my problems returned from time to time. It was like my past failures had left a mark on me. I worried I won’t be able to get hard and the more I worried, the harder it got (pun intended).
Whenever Nicole tried to start a conversation about it, I shut down. It’s not like I didn’t want to talk — I just couldn’t. Finally, she suggested we should find some help. Her friend recommended a licensed sex counselor who had helped her and her husband in the past.
That was almost too much for me. I didn’t grow up in a hippie family where everyone walked around naked and discussed sex like it was something normal. Even in my previous marriage, my wife and I never shared fantasies or difficulties.
But I didn’t want to lose Nicole, so I went. My counselor was a middle-aged man, which helped a bit. I felt I could relate to him in some way. He explained to me that I needed to learn how to trust my partner. After all, we’re in it together, good and bad. There’s no point trying to hide it when you’re worried or self-conscious.
It took us several weeks to figure it all out, but it was worth it. Saying out loud how I felt made a big difference. Nicole told me she felt closer to me than she had felt in years.
A Thousand Ways To Make Love
The ED pills were working, but I didn’t want to rely on them every time we had sex. In sex counseling, we brainstormed different ways to find sexual satisfaction. Nicole still prefers intercourse to anything else, but now we have a backup plan if something doesn’t go as planned.
The biggest discovery for me was that we can use sex toys when we’re together. I knew Nicole had a rabbit vibrator in her closet. I imagined she used it from time to time, but I never saw her doing it. Now, we’re experimenting with toys all the time.
Nicole also upgraded her lingerie and gives me a hot striptease when I need an extra boost. It’s crazy how much you can still try in sex, even at our age!
ED and Relationships: There Is Hope
Everybody’s talking about how ED is a problem for older men’s health. What they don’t tell you is that it can wreak havoc on your relationship, too! Trust me when I tell you that erectile dysfunction treatment works. Don’t hesitate to speak to your doctor about it.
And the second thing: To avoid relationship problems, you need to talk about your ED. If you’re too ashamed, get professional help. It’s only weird in the beginning; then it gets better.
ED Treatment: Do It for Your Relationship
ED medication can literally save your relationship. Most men regain their ability to get and keep erections on their first use.
If you don’t want to talk to your family physician about it, take advantage of eDrugstore’s telemedicine consultation.
It’s free of charge and if the doctor determines it’s safe for you, you’ll receive a prescription immediately. Both the consultation and shipping are free! Don’t wait, check out our erectile dysfunction page today.
Disclosure: The articles in this series are fictionalized accounts based on the real-life experiences of many men who struggle with ED, based on my experience as a sex counselor. They do not reflect the story of any single individual.
Anka Grzywacz is a sexologist, reproductive health expert and Certified Sex Coach™. In her online practice she helps busy women and couples solve their intimate problems.