“My personal identity went into a crisis”, says Mark, prostate cancer survivor. Mark is a gay man from Australia who agreed to take part in one of the pioneer studies on the effects of prostate cancer surgery in the gay community.
Mark’s crisis has a lot to do with his erectile dysfunction. Difficulty getting or maintaining an erection is a common side effect of prostate cancer treatment. So far, the impact has been studied mostly in the context of heterosexual patients.
ED challenges for gay prostate cancer survivors
Researchers are trying to fill the gap by conducting studies designed for gay and bisexual men. Qualitative research from Sweden revealed that men felt “handicapped” by their ED when searching for casual and short-term sexual partners.
Other concerns included the loss of spontaneity. Men complained about the need to take Viagra and other ED medication in advance. “It is as if you have to schedule your sex life. To go out and try to pull someone, that would simply not work”, said one of the interviewees.
Anal sex plays an important role in intimate lives of gay and bisexual men. Participants of the Swedish study were worried about ED-related penetration difficulties. The Australian study showed that erectile dysfunction made it more difficult for men to enjoy masturbation.
Should I mention my sexual identity to the doctor?
Results of these recent studies highlight the need for diverse care options. The approach so far has focused on older, married heterosexual males.
It may not be easy to mention your sexual identity to your doctor. You may worry about being judged. You may feel ashamed to talk about your sexual practices.
Remember that your doctor is sworn to confidentiality and has your best interests at heart. The path to recovery will be easier with tailor-made care. For example, your physician may refer you to a gay men’s cancer survivor support group.
Need for sexual counselling
Cancer affects every aspect of the patient’s life, including love and sex. For full recovery to take place, counselling and emotional support need to be offered. This is true both for heterosexual and gay men.
If you feel ED caused by prostate surgery is getting in the way of a fulfilled intimate life, seek help. Depending on the nature of your problems, you may see a psychotherapist, couples’ counselor or sex coach.
Your best bet is finding someone who specializes in the problems of LGBTQI population. He or she may help you reenter the world of dating and intimacy as a person with ED.
If you’re in a committed relationship you may learn communication skills to avoid conflicts with a partner. If you’re uncertain what kind of support is best, consult your primary care provider.
Finding the right ED treatment as gay man
Being a gay prostate cancer patient can be disheartening. You may feel invisible in your doctor’s office. Educational posters and flyers showing happy, heterosexual couples are a common sight in clinics.
There is a big gap in mainstream media depicting gay and bisexual men with ED. Check out this article on our blog to learn more about the future of ED medication advertising in the US.
As a patient you have the right to be respected and taken seriously when seeking treatment. At eDrugstore you can consult an unbiased, licensed physician online. Click here to check out our range of ED medication.
Anka Grzywacz is a sexologist, reproductive health expert and Certified Sex Coach™. In her online practice she helps busy women and couples solve their intimate problems.