Online dating is the future. Just look at the statistics. The average number of user of the dating app Tinder is 3.8 million. Dating site Match.com has 7.7 million subscribers. Looking for a mate on the Internet is no longer reserved for 20-something adventure seekers. According to Pew Research Center, the number of people aged 55-64 using online dating services doubled between 2013 and 2015.
Finding a potential partner or lover has never been easier. Add a photo, answer a few questions and set your preferences. With one click of a mouse, a world of possibilities opens.
Dating online when you have ED
Men in this age group face additional challenges. Many are recently divorced or widowed and need to learn the new rules of dating after a long break. Add erectile dysfunction, and you get a pretty complicated picture.
If you’re a man suffering from ED, the problem begins when you go on an actual date. Should I tell her/him about my erectile problems immediately? And how do I talk about this stuff without jeopardizing my chances with that person?
There is an app for everyone
The first question you need to ask yourself is: what do I really want? Is it a long-term relationship or a hot romance? It’s OK if you don’t have the answer right away.
Typically, mobile apps are associated with casual hookups. Dating sites are supposed to help people “meet their match” for a longer relationship. This theory is not entirely true. Apps like Tinder make it easier to meet potential sex partners, but users don’t have more lovers as a result. The best bet is to get a feel of different options out there and decide what’s right for you.
Do an online research to see what’s available. Check out “best dating sites/apps for… “(add your age bracket, sexual orientation, location, life situation). There are services dedicated to seniors, gay men or single parents. The list is endless.
Do I have to tell her I have ED?
Whatever the reason for going online, you may be wondering if (and when) to tell your date you have erectile problems. There is no right answer. If you want to to have a one-night-stand, you can decide to keep it to yourself and take a Viagra pill at the right moment. You may also want to give it a try without medication and see if you can sustain an erection long enough.
If a relationship is what you’re after, honesty becomes an important value. Still, you may choose to reveal the truth about your health condition later. Whatever feels comfortable with that particular person.
How do I tell my partner I have ED?
OK, so you’ve decided it’s time to let the partner in on your situation. Choose a moment when you will be alone for at least an hour so that you don’t need to rush through it.
Find a private place or go for a walk. It’s good to be able to stop for a minute, hold hands and look each other in the eyes. Physical contact maintains the bond and assures the other person of honest intentions.
What do I say exactly?
Before you address the issue, check how you feel and say it to your partner. If you’re nervous, tell them. You will immediately notice tension dropping.
You don’t need to use medical terms. Describe your situation and how you’re dealing with it. If you already have the right treatment, explain how it works.
Your lover may be worried that your erectile problems happen because you don’t find them attractive. Assure her or him that this is not the case. You may explain that ED is mostly an issue with the body’s mechanics.
Be sure to check in with her or him. Ask “how does it make you feel?” Be prepared for different reactions, from nervous laughter to anger and crying. Sex is a taboo subject and the other person may not feel confident discussing ED.
Finish the conversation by deciding how you two want to approach your ED next time you have sex. Does your partner wish to know when you’re taking medication? Or perhaps you’d like to practice more non-penetrative sex in the future?
Talking about ED can help your relationship
Finding the courage to discuss erectile problems with your partner may not be easy but it certainly pays off. If this is a person you’re dating or in a relationship with, letting them see you at your most vulnerable is a sign of trust and commitment.
When your partner knows about your problems, he or she may want to support you in your treatment. Use this opportunity to strengthen non-sexual intimacy. When you talk, maintain eye contact, hug as often as you can and be kind.
Next time you search for the best ED treatment options, you can do it together and decide which solutions best match your lifestyle as a couple. Go to our Erectile Dysfunction page to learn about all available ED medication types.
Anka Grzywacz is a sexologist, reproductive health expert and Certified Sex Coach™. In her online practice she helps busy women and couples solve their intimate problems.