Interview with Clinical Psychologist Dr. Jennifer Sandoval – Anxiety Related Disorders and Sexual Problems. This interview is one in a series of expert interviews on the eDrugstore.com blog. We add new interviews on a regular basis. Please see our complete list of insightful interviews.
1. What is the number one concern clients seek counsel for? Has this changed in the last 5 years, or stayed the same?
Definitely Anxiety. It used to be more depression but it has definitely changed and more people suffer from anxiety or anxiety related disorders (sexual problems, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). People more and more have lost sight of the importance of self care and REST!
2. When a person seems defined by their job and family obligations and has very little free time for themselves, in what way would you advise them to “get a life” of their own? How might they go about implementing your suggestions?
The hallmark of my work is helping clients define a “sense of self” which includes all of who you are – and it takes some thinking and soul searching many times for clients to have strong sense of who they are – not just all work or all about the kids. So, first you have to know who you are and what you want to “get a life.” We explore this in therapy. Also, self-care (again) goes by the wayside and I am pretty clear and firm about the consequences of this. I explain that self-care can involve very simple things like taking walks, getting manicures, taking 15 minutes out of the day to do deep breathing, prayer or meditation. It’s hard to say obligations get in the way when you frame it as simple tasks.
3. Many thirty- and forty-somethings experience a type of “Now What?” phenomenon. They’ve gotten married, had children and are working a job in their chosen career. They’re in a kind of maintenance state and feel a little lost to themselves as they navigate through the daily grind. How would you advise these people to find happiness and fulfillment?
I remind clients about the concept of “joy.” It seems so simple but very easily forgotten. I try to help my clients create joy in their lives. Emphasis on the “create” because you can’t wait for things to happen to you, you have to make them happen. So, we explore what makes them happy – and again it can be the simple things. Playing outside with your kids – laughing hard with them, having celebrations, making a choice to appreciate what you do have. Also, this is the perfect opportunity to discuss spirituality. Usually, clients are eager to discuss this and it ends up being something they’ve been thinking about and feel is missing in their lives. This means different things to different people of course, but having a faith gives people a purpose in life. And that, often times, is what’s missing.
4. For couples who have encountered a simmer-down in the bedroom, how would you advise them to get reacquainted, without it seeming like hard work or an insurmountable task – both which can scare the couple back into their current hands-off state?
First of all, I would reassure them this is quite normal and expected in long-term, committed relationships. What keeps couples in their current state is feeling like something is going wrong and/or something’s wrong with them – so they avoid dealing with the problem. There is no pat, easy answer. Couples have to get real with themselves and self-confront. Rather than point fingers (“My husband isn’t romantic”) couples need to ask themselves what are they doing as individuals to feel sexy, and be attractive (“what am I doing to be more romantic?”). And I don’t only mean the physical – this has more to do with emotional connection in the relationship. Couples need to address any underlying problems or emotional
issues that could be hindering sex drive. It isn’t sexy when you’re always fighting about parenting, for example.
5. What are some tips you’d give couples to keep things fresh in the relationship, regardless of the length of time they’ve been together or the circumstances they’ve encountered?
Turn of cell phones, computers, T.V.s, etc. and spend some uninterrupted time together. Do a daily 10 minute check in to keep up with what’s going on in your partner’s world. But most importantly, stay in the habit of taking good care of yourself – emotionally and physically. There is nothing sexier or more appealing then someone who takes care of themselves and is self-confident, self-aware, and healthy.
6. In the midst of their crazy lives, what are some simple ways couples can show each other they care (aside from love notes and dirty text messages)?
Like I said before, turn off cell phones, computers, etc and really listen. Pay attention to what makes your partner happy and what is stressing them out. Rather than a quick text or facebook message, take them out and be attentive. Notes are one thing, BEHAVIOR is something else. Your behavior – not what you say – will really get their attention.
7. How would you advise a client who was in a personal rut to once again begin to love and value themselves? How can they embark on the path of positivity?
There are so many reasons why a person may not love or value themselves. This usually takes a bit of exploration in therapy. But sometimes clients believe they should or know they should love or value themselves but they wait for a feeling. I explain that sometimes, even if you don’t feel it, you have to choose to act as if you love and value yourself and the feelings will catch up. So again, it’s the behavior that counts. And we talk about what it would look like for them to love and value self. This is a very individual thing. Regarding the “path of positivity” I help clients look at negative thought patterns. Rather than focus on changing negatives to positives, I teach clients to focus on “balanced thoughts.” This is acknowledging what’s real and not so great about a situation but also acknowledging what isn’t so bad or what could be positive. Like, “yes, I lost my job but that doesn’t make me a loser. It is going to be hard but I will find another job.”
About Dr. Jennifer Sandoval: DrJenSandov.com SanDiegoTherapists.com/sandoval.html
Dr. Sandoval is a licensed clinical psychologist (PSY18127) specializing in the treatment of couples, sexual difficulties, anxiety, trauma and PTSD, depression, and family and child conflicts. Dr. Sandoval has over 13 years of education, training and experience in the field of psychology. She completed her Master’s and Doctorate degrees in Clinical Psychology from the California School of Professional Psychology in Los Angeles. Dr. Sandoval has taught, trained and supervised licensed clinicians, as well as doctoral and master’s level students, in psychology and marriage and family therapy. Dr. Sandoval has a private practice in Del Mar, California. She enjoys spending time at the beach with her husband and daughter.
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