{"id":4217,"date":"2016-11-30T21:43:02","date_gmt":"2010-11-30T21:43:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.edrugstore.md\/articles\/?p=850"},"modified":"2010-11-30T21:43:02","modified_gmt":"2010-11-30T21:43:02","slug":"850","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.edrugstore.com\/blog\/expert-interviews-and-podcasts\/850\/","title":{"rendered":"Interview with Certified Imago Relationship Therapist, Alice Carlton"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>How important is pre-marital counseling or coaching?\u00a0 What benefits will a couple see from this?<\/strong><\/p>\n

With the high divorce rate, many young couples considering marriage have fears and anxieties about their ability to create a happy enduring marriage.\u00a0 Pre-marital counseling can help them start right and stay connected.\u00a0 They can learn healthy communication and conflict resolution, understand the stages of relationship, and how their family backgrounds affects how they relate to their partner.\u00a0 It can also give them a relationship with a counselor they can call on in the future if problems arise they are not able to handle themselves.<\/p>\n

What are some red flags that should alert a committed couple to seek counseling together?\u00a0 Can these issues be avoided?\u00a0 If yes, how so?<\/strong><\/p>\n

If they have repetitive unresolved arguments that lead to distance between them, if they have trouble creating enough safety so that both can be open and honest about what they want and need, if they disagree about a major decision they face such as having children, changing careers, moving to another place, or if they have conflict about the major conflict areas of parenting, extended family relationships, money, sex, or time,\u00a0 seeking help would be wise.\u00a0 Many issues can be avoided by taking time on a weekly basis to sit together knee-to-knee to check in and tend to any issues that have arisen in the past week. Just like keeping a house neat and clean, relationships require regular time and attention.<\/p>\n

What are some major keys to developing (and maintaining) healthy and \"\"<\/a>loving relationships?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Communication, companionship, and conflict resolution.\u00a0 Don\u2019t let things fester, talk them out as soon as possible.\u00a0 Learn to communicate openly and honestly.\u00a0 Spend time together doing projects and having fun.\u00a0 Laugh often.\u00a0 Have a regular date night even if it means getting a babysitter for the kids.\u00a0 Have a regular check-in time to dialogue and head off small problems before they become big ones. Make time for lovemaking and other pleasure bonding activities.<\/p>\n

Is there a right way to argue?\u00a0 Are there some behaviors or phrases to avoid while fighting?<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Listen with curiosity and openness to your partner, then reflect what you heard to make sure you got it right, then validate and empathize before trying to make your point.\u00a0 Abandon the blame game.\u00a0 Remember, when you point your finger, three are pointing back at you.\u00a0 Avoid name calling and character assassination.\u00a0 If you are about to lose your temper, take a time out to calm yourself, assuring your partner you will return at a stated time, then ask yourself what you could have done differently, and return and do it differently.\u00a0 Learn your partner\u2019s tender spots and avoid hitting them.\u00a0 Be kind.\u00a0 Be willing to take full responsibility for your contribution to the problem,\u00a0 to apologize and make amends.\u00a0 Practice not just the golden rule (do unto others as you would have them do unto you) but, more importantly, the platinum rule (do unto others as they<\/strong> would have you do unto them).<\/p>\n

What are the \u201csteps\u201d couples should take after deciding to work on their relationship?<\/strong>\"\"<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Ask for a referral to an experienced couples therapist from your primary care physician, your local mental health association, your pastor, or a trusted friend.\u00a0 If your budget is tight and you have health insurance, check to see what your mental health benefit is and if they have a list of providers in your area.\u00a0 Many providers have web sites now where you can learn more about the services they offer.\u00a0 If you like, meet more than one couples therapist to assure their approach works for you and you both feel comfortable.\u00a0 A useful internet site to visit is www.gettingtheloveyouwant.com<\/a> where you can find a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist in your area.<\/p>\n

About: www.AliceCarlton.com<\/a><\/strong><\/em> Alice Carlton LCSW has 34 years experience helping individuals, couples, and families create the lives and relationships they want. Her interest in the mind-body connection led her to study clinical hypnosis nearly 30 years ago. She considers it a powerful tool to have in her toolbox. \u00a0 A Certified Imago Relationship Therapist,\u00a0 she trained in 1992 with Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., creator of Imago Therapy and author of Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples<\/em>.\u00a0 She also enjoys helping singles find the love of their life and the life they love through the principles of Conscious Dating.\u00a0 Learn more about the services Alice offers by visiting www.alicecarlton.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How important is pre-marital counseling or coaching?\u00a0 What benefits will a couple see from this? With the high divorce rate, many young couples considering marriage have fears and anxieties about their ability to create a happy enduring marriage.\u00a0 Pre-marital counseling can help them start right and stay connected.\u00a0 They can learn healthy communication and conflict […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_autoblog_aioseo_focus_keyphrase":"","_autoblog_aioseo_title":"","_autoblog_aioseo_description":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[85],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4217","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-expert-interviews-and-podcasts"],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t