{"id":32330,"date":"2022-03-30T11:17:20","date_gmt":"2022-03-30T04:17:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.edrugstore.com\/blog\/?p=32330"},"modified":"2026-03-31T04:46:20","modified_gmt":"2026-03-30T21:46:20","slug":"how-to-be-better-in-bed-know-your-attachment-style","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.edrugstore.com\/blog\/sex-health\/how-to-be-better-in-bed-know-your-attachment-style\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Be Better in Bed: Know Your Attachment Style"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><b>Highlights<\/b><b><\/b><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li aria-level=\"1\"><b>How to be better in bed<\/b><b> \u2014 what\u2019s the secret? One way is to know your attachment style.\u00a0<\/b><\/li>\n<li aria-level=\"1\"><b>Attachment styles are rooted in attachment theory developed by psychoanalyst John Bowlby.<\/b><\/li>\n<li aria-level=\"1\"><b>There are four main attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized.\u00a0<\/b><\/li>\n<li aria-level=\"1\"><b>Research shows that attachment styles are important to consider for couples with uneven desire levels.\u00a0<\/b><\/li>\n<li aria-level=\"1\"><b>Understanding your attachment style can help you improve your relationship and teach you how to have a more satisfying love life.<\/b><b>\u00a0<\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<hr \/>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to be better in bed? <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Who would have thought that the answer was hidden in the way we were brought up as children! The attachment styles we learn as babies impact our adult relationships. Understanding your style can help you overcome differences in the levels of desire with your partner.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3>What Are Attachment Styles?<\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Attachment styles are rooted in <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC4085672\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">attachment theory<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, developed in the 1940s by psychoanalyst John Bowlby and other experts. The idea behind it is simple: Our childhood experiences of attachment to a parent or caregiver impact our functioning later in life \u2014 including our romantic and sexual relationships.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h4><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Four Attachment Styles<\/span><\/i><\/h4>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Most people have <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC8217834\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">one dominant style of attachment<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, but some people have a mix of styles:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Secure attachment style.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> People with this attachment style feel that they are worthy of love and support from others. They tend to be happy and satisfied in their relationships, and their partners are likely to feel the same way.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Avoidant (dismissing) attachment style. <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">With this style, you may appear confident and self-reliant. But there\u2019s a dark side to it. You may avoid getting too close to people you care about and have commitment issues. Partners of people with this style often say they can\u2019t get as close as they\u2019d like. They may feel as if there is a wall between them and the other person.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Anxious (preoccupied) attachment style. <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">People with this style have a huge need for safety and are afraid of being abandoned, to the point of developing anxiety in a relationship. Low self-esteem is a common trait of an anxious attachment style. They need constant reassurance that their partner loves them and may get very jealous out of fear of losing the relationship.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Disorganized (fearful-avoidant) attachment style. <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This approach is the most unstable and unpredictable. People with this style want to be loved but are afraid to let people in. As a result, they avoid getting too close to anyone. If they do start a relationship, they feel that pain and rejection are inevitable.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<figure id=\"attachment_32332\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-32332\" style=\"width: 600px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.edrugstore.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/2.jpeg-6_11zon-1-1.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-32332\" title=\"Happy couple hiking\" src=\"https:\/\/www.edrugstore.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/2.jpeg-6_11zon-1-1.jpg\" alt=\"Happy couple hiking\" width=\"600\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.edrugstore.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/2.jpeg-6_11zon-1-1.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.edrugstore.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/2.jpeg-6_11zon-1-1-300x200.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/a><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-32332\" class=\"wp-caption-text\"><em>There are four main attachment styles<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<h3>Attachment Style and Desire Levels<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.tandfonline.com\/doi\/full\/10.1080\/0092623X.2021.1991537\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A 2021 study<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> conducted on heterosexual couples revealed a connection between <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">attachment style and sex drive.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> In general, anxious attachment style was linked to higher sex drive, while the avoidant attachment style resulted in lower libido.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h4><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Attachment Avoidance and Desire<\/span><\/i><\/h4>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A man\u2019s avoidant style of attachment affects his own sexual functioning as well as his partner\u2019s. For example, research shows that avoidant women function better if there\u2019s a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.edrugstore.com\/blog\/current-health-news\/women-vs-men-how-do-our-sex-drives-compare\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">desire mismatch<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> in the couple. Experts suspect that people with an avoidant attachment style are driven by disagreement.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h4><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Attachment Anxiety and Desire<\/span><\/i><\/h4>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/journals.sagepub.com\/doi\/abs\/10.1207\/s15327957pspr0503_5\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">2001 study<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> found that an anxious attachment style in a male partner affects the woman\u2019s sexual satisfaction. Researchers were surprised to discover that women were more satisfied in bed if their anxious partner had a higher level of desire.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s possible that the anxious man could express his love and need for intimacy by taking the initiative, which made lovemaking more satisfying.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">On the other hand, anxiously attached women were more satisfied if both partners displayed high libido, probably as a sign of ongoing love and commitment.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3>How To Be Better in Bed Considering Your Attachment Style<\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Understanding the <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">attachment and libido<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> patterns of both yourself and your partner can make a huge difference in your relationship. It will improve your communication and increase empathy for one another.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Here are some tips on how to be a better lover according to your attachment style.<\/span><\/p>\n<h4><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Secure Attachment<\/span><\/i><\/h4>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you\u2019re lucky to have this approach to relationships, you have a natural gift to read your partner\u2019s emotions, facial expressions, and gestures. This helps you to be more attuned to him or her in bed. Use these skills to create a satisfying intimate connection, but don\u2019t take full responsibility. Your partner should also make an effort.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h4><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Anxious Attachment<\/span><\/i><\/h4>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">People with this style are hypersensitive to the signs of relationship problems and their partner\u2019s distancing. To function well in your intimate life, you should let your partner know what you need to feel secure.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Try to recognize the triggers that cause you to feel anxious and deal with them immediately. For example, when you initiate sex and your partner makes a strange facial expression, don\u2019t rush to conclusions. Instead, ask and clarify.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For this attachment style, sexual problems such as <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.edrugstore.com\/erectile-dysfunction\/psychological-causes-of-erection-issues\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">erectile dysfunction<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> may add an extra layer of insecurity. That\u2019s why it\u2019s important to find treatment as soon as possible and involve your partner in the process.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_32331\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-32331\" style=\"width: 600px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.edrugstore.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/3.jpeg-5_11zon-2.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-32331\" title=\"Happy gay couple\" src=\"https:\/\/www.edrugstore.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/3.jpeg-5_11zon-2.jpg\" alt=\"Happy gay couple\" width=\"600\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.edrugstore.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/3.jpeg-5_11zon-2.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.edrugstore.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/3.jpeg-5_11zon-2-300x200.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/a><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-32331\" class=\"wp-caption-text\"><em>Understanding your attachment style can help your relationship<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<h4><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Avoidant Attachment<\/span><\/i><\/h4>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This style makes it hard for you to get too close to your lover. You may focus on small flaws in the other person to justify your inclination to distance yourself. For you, it\u2019s important to be honest with yourself.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you want a committed relationship, you need to recognize when you\u2019re self-sabotaging. Sometimes working with a therapist can help. In bed, you should make a conscious effort to notice what\u2019s working and what your partner is doing well.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h4><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Disorganized Attachment<\/span><\/i><\/h4>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">People with this style usually see reality as black and white. Their feelings and reactions tend to be extreme, and they always expect the worst.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Since this style is often a result of childhood abuse or trauma, you may need to work with a therapist to resolve emotional issues. Being open with your partner is a great first step towards more understanding and improving your sex life. Tell them that it\u2019s important for you to be reassured of their love and support in order to feel secure.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3>eDrugstore Is Here for You<\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you&#8217;re struggling with sexual issues, such as erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation, or if you\u2019re looking for tips on <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">how to be better in bed<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, eDrugstore can help. Check out our <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.edrugstore.com\/erectile-dysfunction\/?__mscta=2392_91527_11487\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">ED medication guide<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> or follow the eDrugstore blog for more information about sexual health.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Highlights How to be better in bed \u2014 what\u2019s the secret? One way is to know your attachment style.\u00a0 Attachment styles are rooted in attachment theory developed by psychoanalyst John Bowlby. There are four main attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized.\u00a0 Research shows that attachment styles are important to consider for couples with uneven [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10,"featured_media":32333,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_autoblog_aioseo_focus_keyphrase":"","_autoblog_aioseo_title":"","_autoblog_aioseo_description":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1926],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-32330","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sex-health"],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t<!-- All in One SEO Pro 4.9.10 - aioseo.com -->\n\t<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What to do if one partner\u2019s libido is higher than the other\u2019s? 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