{"id":21043,"date":"2016-12-02T19:12:01","date_gmt":"2010-12-02T19:12:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.accessrx.com\/blog\/?p=745"},"modified":"2010-12-02T19:12:01","modified_gmt":"2010-12-02T19:12:01","slug":"interview-individual-couples-counselor-julie-jeske-top-reasons-couples-lose-that-sex-and-romance-spark","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.edrugstore.com\/blog\/expert-interviews-and-podcasts\/interview-individual-couples-counselor-julie-jeske-top-reasons-couples-lose-that-sex-and-romance-spark\/","title":{"rendered":"Interview with Individual and Couples Counselor, Julie Jeske – Top Reasons Couples Lose that Sex and Romance Spark"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"Interview with Individual and Couples Counselor, Julie Jeske – Top Reasons Couples Lose that Sex and Romance Spark. This interview is one in a series of expert interviews on the eDrugstore.com blog. We add new interviews on a regular basis. Please see our complete list of insightful interviews<\/a><\/p>\n

How can couples that are under the strains of parenting, caring for aging parents, working long hours, and a host of other obligations, take time for each other? A \u201cdate night\u201d seems so clich\u00e9d and impossible for a vast majority of couples. Are there other ways?<\/strong><\/p>\n

In the beginning of a relationship we can get caught up in emotions and hormones and romance.\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s easy to make a new relationship a priority.\u00a0 As things settle down and \u201creal life\u201d happens often our relationship moves down to the bottom of our To Do List. For some people it\u2019s necessary to schedule time together (otherwise it might not happen).\u00a0 <\/p>\n

If a date night feels like it\u2019s too much time, then schedule 30 minutes a couple times a week.\u00a0 If you can\u2019t commit to that, take 10 minutes together at the end of each day.\u00a0 Make sure the time you schedule is just for your relationship.\u00a0 Use that time to connect, talk or make physical contact.\u00a0 Once you schedule your \u201ctogether time\u201d don\u2019t let other things push it off of the calendar.\u00a0 The only way you can make your relationship a priority, is to treat it as a priority.<\/p>\n

What are some of the foremost reasons couples lose that \u201cspark\u201d? Can they ever get it back? Where and how do they start?<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"It\u2019s natural for desire and \u201csparks\u201d to ebb and flow in a relationship.\u00a0 Hormones, relationship conflict, changes in body image, pregnancy, childbirth, raising children, medication and stress can also affect desire!\u00a0 A spark can be diminished by sex that gets into a routine or a rut.\u00a0 When there is marital discord, a spark can be completely blown out.\u00a0 If you want to start heating things up again, take an inventory of your relationship and make sure you both feel good outside of the bedroom.\u00a0 You can also look at your personal desire.\u00a0 When your libido is lacking or you feel unhappy, that can affect your relationship.\u00a0 If you feel excited, good about your body and happy in your relationship that spark can start to glow.<\/p>\n

For those couples that have fallen into the slump of a mechanical or even non-existent sex life, how can they re-ignite the flame without putting a lot of pressure on the situation (which could possibly result in awkward circumstances, inability to perform, etc)? How can couples get reacquainted in the bedroom?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Some couples need to get reacquainted out of the bedroom before they can do it in the bedroom.\u00a0 Communication and affection can help partners feel connected.\u00a0 Focusing on sensuality can help ease partners back into sexual connection.\u00a0 A massage or non-sexual touch can help reintroduce you to your partner.\u00a0 You can then turn up the heat by spending time together in a more intimate way.\u00a0 Take things to the next level by adding sexual touch to the massage, taking a bath together or spending some time together in the buff.\u00a0 For example: sleep in the nude, spend some time naked while talking or try something bold like a naked picnic in your living room.\u00a0 Think outside the box.\u00a0 Do something that makes you feel vulnerable or even playful or silly.<\/p>\n

When it comes to getting out of a sexual rut, small changes go a long way.\u00a0 If your sexual escapades have become routine, change up the order of your love making.\u00a0 Try turning the lights on (or off) or have sex in a different room of the house.\u00a0 You don\u2019t have to give your sexual life a full makeover to reignite that spark.<\/p>\n

\"\"When a couple is ready to experiment and take their sexual relationship to the next level, what are some ways they can do so?<\/strong><\/p>\n

On thing couples can do is talk about fantasies.\u00a0 Talk about what you find sexy or what turns you on.\u00a0\u00a0 Talk about ways you would like to be seduced.\u00a0 You can even create a \u201cseduction box\u201d and fill it with scenarios you each find appealing and take turns pulling sexy situations out of the box and initiating them.\u00a0 If that feels like a big step, start by reading or watching something together.\u00a0 Find some erotica or some videos that you both enjoy.\u00a0 As you see other people express their desires it might help you get up the nerve to share your own.\u00a0 A trip to an adult toy store or website can also be a fun experience.\u00a0 Find a toy, a lotion or a sexy accessory to shake things up a bit.<\/p>\n

Really, how important is communication to a couple\u2019s sex life? Please explain.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Essential! Taking about sex is a form of intimacy.\u00a0 It\u2019s important to be able to talk about what you want so you can make it happen.\u00a0 It\u2019s also important to be able to talk about what\u2019s not working so you can find something that does!\u00a0 Sometimes people think of talking as being tedious or a \u201cturn-off,\u201d however, being silent and not getting what you want is NOT sexy!<\/p>\n

What are three \u201cStay Hot\u201d tips you\u2019d give to NEW couples to help them avoid a lackluster sex life? <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

I couldn\u2019t narrow it down to just three.\u00a0 Here are four tips for new couples –<\/p>\n

Get in the habit of talking about sex:<\/span> If you start talking about sex now it will be a lot easier in the future.\u00a0 This includes asking for what you want.\u00a0 Often people are afraid to ask for what they want because of fear of rejection or fear of looking selfish (or weird).\u00a0 The best way to guarantee you are going to enjoy sex with a partner is by asking for what you want.\u00a0 Your partner can\u2019t read your mind or guess what feels best.\u00a0 If you want to ensure you receive the most pleasure possible, you need to ask for it!<\/p>\n

Try something new:<\/span> The easiest way to add excitement to your life is by trying something new.\u00a0 If you have sex in the missionary position at 8pm every Friday night for 20 years it will be a lot harder to introduce something new.\u00a0 Start now!<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t compare yourself to others:<\/span> There isn\u2019t a \u201cright way\u201d to have sex.\u00a0 The more you compare yourself to others (especially media with airbrushed bodies and easily orgasmic, acrobatic sex) the more disappointed you may become.\u00a0 Who cares if statistics show that couples have sex 1 time a month or 4 times a week?\u00a0 How often do YOU want to have sex?\u00a0 Do what feels best to you!<\/p>\n

Know your body:<\/span> Don\u2019t depend on someone else to be in charge of your sexual pleasure.\u00a0 Take the time to learn what you like and what feels good and then share that with your partner.\u00a0 Knowledge is power (and sexy)!<\/p>\n

About: JulieJeske.com<\/a><\/strong>
\nJulie is a sex and relationship counselor in Portland, Oregon.\u00a0 She has a private practice where she works with individuals and couples primarily around the areas of intimacy, relationships and sexuality. She received her master\u2019s degree in Couples, Marriage and Family Counseling from Portland State University. She is a member of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselor and Therapists.\u00a0 In addition to her private practice, Julie is the relationship expert for “Studio6” on KOIN6.\u00a0 You can see her on Studio6 talking about a different sex or relationship topic, twice a month.<\/p>\n

Read more of our expert interviews:<\/strong>
\nBetty Dodson, Renowned Sexologist, Author, Feminist, Educator<\/a>
\n<\/a>Dean Osborne, Human Nature of Cheating<\/a>
\n<\/a>Dr. MP Wylie, Relationship Advisor<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Interview with Individual and Couples Counselor, Julie Jeske – Top Reasons Couples Lose that Sex and Romance Spark. This interview is one in a series of expert interviews on the eDrugstore.com blog. We add new interviews on a regular basis. Please see our complete list of insightful interviews How can couples that are under the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_autoblog_aioseo_focus_keyphrase":"","_autoblog_aioseo_title":"","_autoblog_aioseo_description":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[85],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-21043","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-expert-interviews-and-podcasts"],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t