{"id":21001,"date":"2016-09-01T14:11:00","date_gmt":"2010-09-01T14:11:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.accessrx.com\/blog\/?p=209"},"modified":"2018-11-17T14:18:20","modified_gmt":"2018-11-17T14:18:20","slug":"interview-with-relationship-and-cohabitation-expert-dr-john-curtis-benefits-of-living-together-before-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.edrugstore.com\/blog\/expert-interviews-and-podcasts\/interview-with-relationship-and-cohabitation-expert-dr-john-curtis-benefits-of-living-together-before-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"Interview with Relationship and Cohabitation Expert Dr. John Curtis – Benefits of Living Together Before Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"

This interview is one in a series of expert interviews on the eDrugstore.com blog. We add new interviews on a regular basis. Please see our complete list of insightful interviews.<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

1. You specialize in helping \u201cHappily Un-Married Couples!\u201d What are the benefits of living together before marriage (or, without planning to marry at all)?<\/h3>\n

Benefits of Living Together Before OR Instead of Marriage!<\/span><\/p>\n

While marriage is touted as THE only way to truly have a successful, committed relationship, there are many distinct advantages to cohabitation that are often overlooked, a few of which are as follows:<\/p>\n

Time-bound<\/span> – One big advantage of cohabitation is that it is not until death do you part. Instead, it\u2019s more likely bound by the one-year lease you have on your apartment or some other form of limitation set up in your calendar. It can be beneficial to talk upfront about the relationship\u2019s \u201clife-span!\u201d You should consider declaring a particular date 6 or 12 months out, and then sit down at that time to evaluate how well the relationship is going. If things have been good, perhaps you pick a longer time horizon until you do your next check up. If things have not gone well, you\u2019ll more likely find it easier to end the relationship\u2026. the lease is up and so is our time together.<\/p>\n

Maintain Individuality<\/span> – One assumption of marriage, like the unity candle ceremony demonstrates during the wedding, is that two people become one. However, suppose you\u2019re not ready to take this bold step. Cohabitation allows you to work on building a relationship without necessarily giving up your individuality. A \u201cseparate but equal\u201d approach can help reduce the anxiety that you might feel if you were to \u201close yourself\u201d in the relationship. No relationship gets better based on how much you give up to be in it. Living together is a lower risk method to see if you can live with someone, full-time and not diminish your individuality in the process.<\/p>\n

Eliminate Illusions<\/span> – It\u2019s been said the if \u201clove is blind\u201d then \u201cmarriage is an institution for the blind!\u201d It\u2019s normal that in the early stages of a dating relationship, each partner is trying to put their best foot forward. One of the real shocks that can occur after marriage is to discover that the person you married is not who you thought. Cohabitation affords you the time for the illusions to disappear and the real person to emerge.<\/p>\n

When this happens in marriage and the image does not match the reality, it can send a shock wave through the marriage and creates a sense of being trapped in a deception. Instead, by living together, while you may be shocked by the reality of your partner\u2019s hygiene habits, lack of anger management, passive-aggressive sniping, at least you\u2019re not trapped.<\/p>\n

Practice Equality<\/span> – Successful relationships are about many things including creating a sense of equality. In days gone bye, it was not expected that the man and woman were equals. The man ruled and no one questioned it, despite what may have been disastrous consequences.<\/p>\n

Now, however, \u201cpower with\u201d vs. \u201cpower over\u201d is one key to making an intimate relationship work. During the dating phase of a relationship, it\u2019s easy to maintain a \u201cbalance of power!\u201d He picks a restaurant, she picks a movie and next time the roles shift. Once you move in together, you have the chance to see just how equal you are with your partner. The question of who controls the TV remote, who cleans the kitchen or who does laundry is quickly answered. The outcome is an important piece of information for you to know about your partner. If you are lucky, your partner values equality and if he or she does not, at least you learned it before walking down the aisle.<\/p>\n

While it has been said by many naysayers of cohabitation that you cannot \u201cpractice\u201d commitment, I say bunk. Cohabitation has some real advantages over getting married, at least in the short term. The above are just a few.<\/p>\n

2. Are there more couples that take this route now than in the past 10 or 20 years? If so, why do you think that is? \"\"<\/h3>\n

Cohabitation is skyrocketing in America for many reasons that I will explain. But, first, here are some interesting tidbits from the Journal of Population Studies about cohabiting couples:<\/p>\n