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This interview is one in a series of expert interviews on the eDrugstore.com blog. We add new interviews on a regular basis. Please see our complete list of insightful interviews<\/a><\/p>\n 1. Can people with disabilities have as satisfying of a sex life as those who are not impaired in any way?<\/strong><\/p>\n Certainly they can. It\u2019s important to be open-minded and expand the concept of sex, as well as to look for ways to build, move and utilize sexual energy. There are many fulfilling pleasures (make sure they are consensual) that include passionate, lingering kisses, reading erotic literature, fondling, cuddling, showering or bathing together, (try sex in the shower using a shower chair), oral sex, mutual masturbation and anal play. Have your favorite sex toys in close proximity. Look for vibrators and dildos that now have long arms or are \u201chands free\u201d, or remote controlled strap ons. <\/p>\n Also, have lube, condoms, massage lotions, and special attire nearby. The use of heating pads, warm or hot baths, ice, careful planning and timing, creating a comfortable ambiance with pillows, lighting, and special music makes the sex, romance and\/or intimacy something to anticipate. Modified positioning such as nested spoons (lying on your side, one lover in front of the other \u2013 stomach to back), and pacing are important for people with disabilities both sexually and in maximizing their strength and mobility for all activities. Communication, creativity and variety are essential ingredients. People who are not in \u201ccoupled relationships\u201d or in polyamorous relationships need to be reminded that solo sexual pleasuring, or making a date with oneself is equally as gratifying.<\/p>\n 2. Are sexual side effects (such as erectile dysfunction, failure to climax, etc) common for people who have a disability? How might A large percentage of sexual dysfunction is related to lack of knowledge. There are many disabled and non-disabled men in western society who have erectile dysfunction, and only a small percentage of all women are able to achieve orgasm through intercourse alone. Most women need stimulation of the clitoris or the G spot (located in the vagina about 2 inches from the entrance) to achieve orgasm. Penises do not have to be hard to generate good feelings. A soft penis has the same number of nerve endings as a hard one, and is therefore capable of producing pleasure. There are numerous options for erotic enhancement such as fantasy, which can increase arousal and assists in helping to maintain erections and intensify orgasms, as well as masturbation (try different places and different positions), and vibrators placed between partners for couple\u2019s play. Sensual pleasures that can be very stimulating include, but are not limited to – touch (massage), taste (sensuous feeding), sight (sexual looking), hearing, and smell. Even then, potentially erotic messages may be short-circuited by the brain itself. It is not known how the mechanism of inhibition works, (orgasm barriers) but feeling guilty about sex, anxiety, depression, traumatic past sexual experiences, lack of stimulation and negative conditioning are a few factors that will prevent the brain from sending messages to the genitals. People who may be suffering from physiological or hormonal disorders or psychological blocks should seek the help of a professional doctor or qualified therapist.<\/p>\n 3. How can someone who was once fully-functioning in a physical sense regain their sexuality or sensuality after suffering a physical disability?<\/strong><\/p>\n A personal who acquires a disability is still the same person. Their essence hasn\u2019t changed. It will probably take some time to adjust to a new way of life – physically, and emotionally, as well as redefining their sexual sense of self. It is important to remain resilient, resourceful, creative, and sexually optimistic. The need for self expression and sexual expression is rarely lost as a result of an injury or illness. Know that you still have sexual desires, focus on sexual health and pleasure. Sexual adjustment is a lifelong process for everyone. Each person has to take responsibility for him or her self, and attempt to discover the kind of sexual activity that works best, as well as the optimum way to achieve it. At first it might be important to masturbate, to explore the body, to discover where the sensations and erogenous zones are, and how things work. Once someone has that self-awareness and knowledge learned from masturbation, they can communicate their turn-ons, wants, and desires to new partner(s). However, the loss of physical feeling or genital sensation does not necessarily equal an absence of genital functioning, arousal, psychological satisfaction, and loss of sensuality or eroticism.<\/p>\n 4. How can a cognitively disabled person develop romance and sensuality within their relationship?<\/strong><\/p>\n Sexual activity in cognitively disabled individuals without serious mobility or genital-urinary problems appears to vary in relation to the degree of cognitive impairment. Sex play in pre and post-puberty residents in an institutionalized setting is not uncommon. But sexuality education is not provided to persons with cognitive disabilities for fear of \u201cgiving them ideas\u201d or putting them at risk of sexual exploitation. They need access to clear, concrete, accurate sexuality education to foster appropriate, healthy sexual development, information about healthy emotions and communication skills, and opportunities for socialization. People with cognitive disabilities go through the same stages of sexual development as people without disabilities, and like everyone, need appropriate education and training in safer sex options, self and partner sensual pleasuring so that they can distinguish between healthy and abusive sexual relationships. Sex education programs should be individually tailored to the person\u2019s age, environment and communication skills. All individuals have the same basic wants, desires and needs for intimacy, affection, romance, to love and be loved in return. Healthy sexuality must be nurtured. It develops over time.<\/p>\n 5. How can couples overcome the physical challenges of making love when one or both of the partners is disabled?<\/strong><\/p>\n 6. What advice would you give a disabled person who believes they may never find sexual fulfillment because of their condition?<\/strong><\/p>\n Ask yourself \u2013 do I have an A+ attitude about sex? It is important to negotiate one\u2019s mental, emotional, and spiritual terrain, and to integrate sexuality into one\u2019s identity. A disability doesn\u2019t define who you are. Try to change the negative to a positive attitude and look for ways to find strength and courage. The time that is spent in a negative belief system can be channeled into believing that you can find sexual fulfillment. It may require being more assertive in social situations, smiling more, or flirting. It is also important to heal the heart\/genital connection and to clear away any sexual blockages. Don\u2019t forget that laughter, allowing oneself pleasure, and a playful attitude promote healing, promote stress reduction, and create a positive environment which is attractive to potential partners. Sometimes when things are painful we want to lie down and retreat. Take opportunities to feel nourished and supported. Find for yourself where you can explore and expand. A body\/mind, mind\/body connection can react to visualizations of oneself as strong, fantasies of warm, calming energy, creative visualizations involving sexual imagery or other sexual activity alters perceptions and is a positive influence on the autonomic nervous system. Empowerment, belief systems, high expectations, and desire can activate brain circuits. It is said that \u201cwhen you change the way you look at things \u2013 the things you look at change.\u201d<\/p>\n About Judiann Simon, Ph.D:<\/strong>\u00a0 SexAndDisabilities.com<\/a><\/p>\n Dr. Simon is a Certified Sex Educator and member of The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) and a Board Certified Sexologist from The American College of Sexologists, San Francisco, CA. She is in private practice and offers therapy for a diverse clientele; has been a guest lecturer at the International Sexology Conference in China, conducted radio broadcasts on sexuality in Johannesburg and Cape Town, South Africa, taught human sexuality in the healthcare sector on the topics of Couples Relationships\/Psycho-Social Issues, Life Changes, Attitudes on Sexuality and Disability, and Sexual Attitude Restructuring at the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, San Francisco, CA, Kaiser Permanente, Stanford University, Touro Medical School and Los Angeles Valley College. Dr. Simon offers a unique perspective as a clinical psychologist and clinical sexologist.<\/p>\n Read more of our expert interviews:<\/strong> This interview is one in a series of expert interviews on the eDrugstore.com blog. We add new interviews on a regular basis. Please see our complete list of insightful interviews 1. Can people with disabilities have as satisfying of a sex life as those who are not impaired in any way? Certainly they can. It\u2019s […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_autoblog_aioseo_focus_keyphrase":"","_autoblog_aioseo_title":"","_autoblog_aioseo_description":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[85],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-20939","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-expert-interviews-and-podcasts"],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t![\"\"](\"\/blog\/files\/media\/image\/girl%20in%20wheelchair.jpg\")
these issues be treated?<\/strong><\/p>\n![\"\"](\"\/blog\/files\/media\/image\/wheelchair%20embrace.jpg\")
It is often assumed that disability creates a split between a person and their body because of the things they\u2019ve \u201clost\u201d. While this may happen to some, for others, learning to live with a disability brings them closer to their bodies. Sex and pleasure is not about penetration and thrusting. Great sex is not an endurance test; it is about playfulness, imagination, the freedom to be oneself, communication, and cooperation. Decide that pleasuring one another means taking the time to concentrate on sensuous touch, gradually inch by inch, to be erotically joyful, to stop the mind\u2019s chatter and focus on letting the body have its rein. It is about sexual-esteem \u2013 confidence in our sexual capabilities and the ability to engage in satisfying and enjoyable turn ons, mutual passion and connection. Discover new erogenous zones, integrate the whole body \u2013 the head, earlobes, neck, shoulders, buttocks, inner thighs, backs of the arms, hands and feet can be exquisitely sensitive to touch. The best turn on is an involved, aroused partner.<\/p>\n
\nBetty Dodson, Renowned Sexologist, Author, Feminist, Educator<\/a>
\n<\/a>Dean Osborne, Human Nature of Cheating<\/a>
\n<\/a>Dr. MP Wylie, Relationship Advisor<\/a>
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