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1. How long do couples generally wait to seek treatment or counsel?<\/strong>\u00a0 Why do they wait?<\/strong><\/p>\n I had a client who suffered from premature ejaculation for 35 years before finally seeking help. Why did he wait so long? Partly because his partner didn’t complain, so it was easy for him to dismiss it as a problem. Clients may wait because they’re in denial, or sometimes selfish, or embarrassed, or naive. On the other hand, I remember a young wife of two months who already knew that her husband hadn’t a clue about how to turn a woman on. As is often the case, what I provided was psycho-sexual education and enhanced communication for the two of them. Even now, in the 21st century, I see people who have very little knowledge about how to be sensually intimate. I often begin by giving them a copy of my book Sizzling Sex in 30 Days, and have them read it together and talk about what ideas it sparks, without blame. That’s crucially important. I BELIEVE IN NO-FAULT SEX!<\/p>\n 2. What are the most common reasons couples experience sexual problems during their relationship?<\/strong><\/p>\n Sexual problems can present as diminished interest, sexual dysfunction, distraction, boredom, medication side effects, certain neurological conditions, depression. The REASONS can be as obvious as easily-diagnosed physical\/chemical\/neurological stressors, or problems within the relationship. That’s why I first want clients to get checked out by their doctors to rule out hormone problems (levels of testosterone, estrogen, thyroid, etc.), organic problems such as blocked venous flow, possible side effects of meds, or disease states such as diabetes. Most of my clients have already done that before they come to me, and they sense that the problems are both intrapersonal (unresolved problems from the past) and interpersonal (unresolved problems with each other). 3. When couples seek to reignite their sexual relationship, how can they do so naturally, without putting too much pressure on the situation?<\/strong> <\/strong><\/p>\n I point out how our western values have made achievement and outcome more important than process, the destination more important than the journey. I tell them that climax is the end of the lovemaking, so prolonging the journey, going slowly and sensually, makes for more satisfying sex. The problem is that arriving is highly rewarded in our society \u2014 grab the job, ring the bell. It starts in childhood, when we reward good grades but ignore the joy of of playfulness. Increasingly we cultivate higher income, increased status, to the detriment of just BEING in our senses. Eventually our bodies become mostly conveyances for carrying the head around! To get past that I give new clients two assignments. First, to pay more attention to their senses \u2014 the feel of warm water in the shower, the fragrance of shampoo, the taste and smell of a peeled orange, the textures of their own bodies. Second, to agree to having no sex or touched genitals for the next three weeks, but to indulge in all kind of making out, massage, and dates. They need to reclaim and nurture love in order to approach lovemaking as more than just sex and orgasm.<\/p>\n 4. How can couples that put things like child-rearing, caring for aging parents, work and other obligations ahead of their marriage work to make their relationship a top priority again?<\/strong> <\/strong><\/p>\n Everything is important in its own time, and the challenge is to juggle all those roles. When I’m with clients, I seldom think of my wonderful husband Robert, who is busy at his own work. Yet, when I check my voicemail messages between clients, I’m apt to hear, “Hey baby, have I told you lately that I love you?” A minute or two of concentrated affection can make up for long hours spent at other obligations. I guess I’m saying that while your relationship may be the top priority in your heart, life does hand you others that are also important. Grown-ups understand this and do the best they can. Also, I’m a great believer in the restorative power of the romantic long weekend. Hand stuff off to others while you head for a B&B \u2014 or if that isn’t possible, unplug the phones, pull in the welcome mat, turn off the damn computer, and honeymoon a little in your own house. Have a bed picnic, feed each other grapes, get playful again.<\/strong><\/p>\n 5. What are three things all couples should be doing to keep their intimate relationship fresh and exciting?<\/strong> <\/strong><\/p>\n The 3 A’s: ATTENTION, APPRECIATION, AFFECTION<\/span>. Really pay attention when your beloved wants to talk \u2014or if it’s not a good time, make a date for later in the day when you aren’t distracted by other things, and keep that date. Appreciate all the terrific things about your honey, instead of concentrating on the other stuff. Ask for what you want instead of expecting your mate to read your mind. Sheeesh! And affection may be an unanticipated hug, a quick neck nuzzle, even meaningful eye contact over the kids’ heads at the supper table. (And do, please, have a supper table where everyone can tell about their day.) Which brings us back to attention, appreciation, and affection, all of which a shared meal can afford. Remember, too, that sharing a meal doesn’t necessarily mean cooking one … the important thing is the sharing. Better to have take-out subs with relaxed pleasure than a five-course meal with tension.<\/p>\n About Roz Van Meter:<\/strong>\u00a0 SexualityCoach.com, RozVanMeter.com, LifeSavor.com<\/a><\/p>\n For over 30 years Roz has been an AASECT certified sex therapist (Sex Therapist certified by The American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists) and a licensed marriage and family therapist, saving thousands of couples from a boring, stuck, or dysfunctional sex life.She has helped individuals and couples in Dallas, Texas, coaching them to understand, enjoy, and share their sexuality with mutual delight. She has developed special strategies and powerful approaches that really work to rejuice relationships, not just in bed but in all aspects of communication and connection. Learn more by reading her books Put Your Big Girl Panties On and Deal With It<\/span> and Sizzling Sex in 30 Days<\/span>.<\/p>\n Read more of our expert interviews:<\/strong> This interview is one in a series of expert interviews on the eDrugstore.com blog. We add new interviews on a regular basis. Please see our complete list of insightful interviews. 1. How long do couples generally wait to seek treatment or counsel?\u00a0 Why do they wait? I had a client who suffered from premature ejaculation […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_autoblog_aioseo_focus_keyphrase":"","_autoblog_aioseo_title":"","_autoblog_aioseo_description":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[85],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12302","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-expert-interviews-and-podcasts"],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t![\"\"](\"\/blog\/files\/media\/image\/RozvVan%20Meter.jpg\")
This interview is one in a series of expert interviews on the eDrugstore.com blog. We add new interviews on a regular basis. Please see our complete list of insightful interviews<\/a>.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"\/blog\/files\/media\/image\/sizzling%20sex%20book.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\n
\nBetty Dodson, Renowned Sexologist, Author, Feminist, Educator<\/a>
\n<\/a>Dean Osborne, Human Nature of Cheating<\/a>
\n<\/a>Dr. MP Wylie, Relationship Advisor<\/a>
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