{"id":12301,"date":"2016-05-24T17:13:00","date_gmt":"2010-05-24T17:13:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.accessrx.com\/blog\/?p=102"},"modified":"2010-05-24T17:13:00","modified_gmt":"2010-05-24T17:13:00","slug":"on-different-pages-sexually","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.edrugstore.com\/blog\/expert-interviews-and-podcasts\/on-different-pages-sexually\/","title":{"rendered":"Sex Partners on Different Pages: What to Do?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Sex
What\u2019s the difference between being a little kinky and being perverted?<\/figcaption><\/figure>By Neil Cannon, Ph.D. and Certified Sex Therapist<\/strong><\/p>\n

I looked into the twinkling green eyes of my 81 year-old father as he peered at me over the top of his scotch glass.<\/p>\n

\u201cSon,\u201d he said sheepishly, \u201cyou\u2019re the Sex Doctor and I have an awkward question for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Dad knows I am teaching a class next month on aging and sexuality so I sensed that he was going to ask me about his aging body. I felt myself slide into that compassionate, soft-spoken space I go to in my role as a therapist. This was going to be a wonderful opportunity to help my dad and have a great father\/son moment.<\/p>\n

Dad looked somewhat embarrassed when he asked me the big question; \u201cSon, what\u2019s the difference between being a little kinky and being perverted?\u201d<\/p>\n

That wasn\u2019t what I was expecting. However, perhaps something had been haunting him for all these years so I gently asked him for a little more information. He looked at me seriously and told me with a deadpan expression that he already knew the answer.<\/p>\n

\u201cKinky,\u201d he said, \u201cis when you have sex using feathers. Being perverted is when you have sex with the whole bird!\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019d been had!<\/strong><\/p>\n

All kidding aside, my father does raise a serious topic that comes up frequently in therapy. Every day I hear something related to the following questions:\u00a0 Am I normal? What\u2019s OK to do sexually? How can I get my partner to do X Y or Z?\u00a0 The simple answer is that if it is between consenting adults then it\u2019s all good.<\/p>\n

At least once per day I have a couple in my office where one person has a sexual desire that their partner doesn\u2019t fully share. Conflicts range from the benign to the complex. It is not uncommon for couples to have conflicts over topics like frequency, anal sex, oral sex, role-play, and bondage.<\/p>\n

So what do you do if your partner wants you to perform oral sex and it\u2019s just not your cup of tea? In therapy there are many ways we tackle conflicts like this. Here is one that helps many couples to sort out their differences:<\/p>\n

Try to think about it like this… Is it a matter of preference or a matter of dignity?\u00a0 If your partner wants something sexually and it doesn\u2019t violate your dignity, then go for it.<\/p>\n

For the sake of an easy example, let\u2019s suppose it is not your preference to hold hands in public, however it\u2019s important to your partner. If holding hands in public doesn\u2019t violate your dignity then take one for the team and consider it a love gift.<\/p>\n

On the other hand, if holding hands in public feels like a public display of affection that violates your dignity, then don\u2019t do it. If your partner truly loves and respects you, they aren\u2019t ever going to want you to do something that violates your self-respect.<\/p>\n

It may sound like simple advice, but oftentimes this is all a loving couple needs to think about when dealing with a complex issue.<\/p>\n

About the Author<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dr. Cannon is a Certified Sex Therapist and couples counselor who holds a master’s degree in public health, as well as a doctorate degree in Human Sexuality. In addition to leading his practice in Denver, Colorado, he teaches human sexuality at the post graduate level; is a professional speaker; serves as an expert witness; and provides diversity training to the federal government and large corporations.<\/p>\n

You can view his website at www.doctorcannon.com<\/a> or reach him directly at neil@doctorcannon.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Dr. Cannon is a regular contributor to the eDrugstore.com blog.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Neil Cannon, Ph.D. and Certified Sex Therapist I looked into the twinkling green eyes of my 81 year-old father as he peered at me over the top of his scotch glass. \u201cSon,\u201d he said sheepishly, \u201cyou\u2019re the Sex Doctor and I have an awkward question for you.\u201d Dad knows I am teaching a class […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_autoblog_aioseo_focus_keyphrase":"","_autoblog_aioseo_title":"","_autoblog_aioseo_description":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[85],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12301","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-expert-interviews-and-podcasts"],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t