{"id":12280,"date":"2016-02-08T13:13:00","date_gmt":"2010-02-08T13:13:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.accessrx.com\/blog\/?p=77"},"modified":"2010-02-08T13:13:00","modified_gmt":"2010-02-08T13:13:00","slug":"you-complete-me-is-bunk","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.edrugstore.com\/blog\/expert-interviews-and-podcasts\/you-complete-me-is-bunk\/","title":{"rendered":"“You Complete Me” Is a Load of $*@%"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"YouBy Roy Biancalana, Certified Life Coach<\/strong><\/p>\n

With February being the month of love, you will be bombarded with tips about romance and how to make your love life more fulfilling. And that\u2019s fine. But what you\u2019re unlikely to hear about, though, are the sinister forces at work that make a fulfilling love life impossible.<\/p>\n

In my experience, love is like the sun \u2013 it\u2019s there, it\u2019s already shining. You don\u2019t have to do anything to make the sun shine, you only have to remove the clouds in order to experience its brightness. Love is like that. It\u2019s our natural state. It\u2019s who we are. You and I don\u2019t have to learn how to love as much as we need remove that which blocks it from naturally shining through our lives.<\/p>\n

What are the \u201cclouds\u201d that block love from shining brightly through our lives? Well to answer that question, I want to quote an excerpt from my new book titled, \u201cA Drink with Legs: From Being Hooked to Being Happy \u2013 A Spiritual Path to Relationship Bliss.\u201d<\/p>\n

The premise is this:\u00a0 All relationship pain and discord comes from relying on our partner, or a potential partner, to give us a sense of self, alleviate our loneliness, create a feeling of aliveness or to validate our worth. In other words, relationships don\u2019t work because we\u2019ve bought into the \u201cYou Complete Me\u201d mindset made famous by the movie \u201cJerry Maguire.\u201d<\/p>\n

I believe this mindset is so prevalent and widespread (even in men \u2013 how do you explain porn, strip clubs lying to women about being married and Tiger Woods?) that I consider it an addiction. In fact, I call it \u201crelationship addiction,\u201d thus the title. Here is how I describe it in chapter 6 of my book\u2026<\/p>\n

\u201cThe central, underlying belief that allows [the \u201cyou complete me\u201d mindset] to flourish, but yet is responsible for our misery, is the belief that a partner\u2019s love is going to save us, heal us, make us happy or whole.<\/p>\n

We must lose faith in the idea that love will end our loneliness and make us feel alive. We must lose faith that a partner\u2019s love will make us happy, repair our wounded self-esteem [or validate our masculinity]. We must lose faith in a love \u201cout there\u201d that will make us feel whole, special, safe, seen and secure.\u00a0 As long as we have even a hint of faith in love, the very love we seek will always elude us.<\/p>\n

Faith in love has to be shattered.\u00a0 It must be obliterated from your being. It is a cancer. If even a single cell of it remains in your consciousness, a happy, fulfilling relationship is an impossibility. We must understand that:<\/p>\n

Jerry Maguire Was Full of Shit!<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cYou complete me\u201d \u2013 we believe that crap!… Now, don\u2019t get me wrong, I love the movie. But the notion, as romantic as it is, that we are incomplete and that another person can complete us, is simply a gross misperception of who we are as Spirit Beings. Soul needs Mate? Better needs Half? The needs One?\u00a0 It\u2019s all a load of crap.<\/p>\n

Here are a couple things [I\u2019ve come] to see: First, the reason our relationships have been nightmares is because we believe it\u2019s our partner\u2019s role and responsibility to meet our needs, whether those needs are emotional, sexual, financial or spiritual. In a very real sense, we have a job description for them\u2026And when they fail to come through for us, and meet our perceived needs, drama breaks out in the form of cheating, pouting, complaining, getting angry or feeling betrayed.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s another realization\u2026[As a former relationship addict myself], I had never been authentically in love \u2013 EVER, and neither have you if you\u2019re at all hooked on love. No matter how often I felt like I was in love; no matter how often I said the words, \u201cI love you,\u201d to one of my partners, I never truly loved them because authentic love is a one-way street.<\/p>\n

Love asks nothing, needs nothing and requires nothing. It needs no response, no return and no reason. Love has no strings, it has no memory, it incurs no debt and needs no vow. If need exists, love can\u2019t. If want is present, love is absent. Love is not mutual. It is not a two-way street. It is freely given with no thought of reply. Love is unconditional. Always.<\/p>\n

And the only way a person can love unconditionally is if they realize they are absolutely without need, that they are full and that they are complete. In other words, the only way a person can love authentically is if they know who they truly are as Spirit Beings.\u201d<\/p>\n

If you want your love life to flourish; if you want to experience the intimate communion that is possible between two human beings; if you want the sun to shine brightly through you, then I invite you to visit my website (www.coachingwithroy.com). There, you can learn more insights about love in my new book, which can be downloaded. Or you may buy the paperback. I truly hope you find it enlightening.<\/p>\n

About the Author<\/strong>
\nRoy Biancalana is an author, life coach and former PGA Tour player. He is a regular contributor to the eDrugstore.com blog. Roy used his PGA Tour background to write a previous two-part entry about Getting In the Zone with your life.<\/p>\n

You can reach Roy for advice by contacting him through email, his website or by phone…<\/p>\n

roy@coachingwithroy.com
\nwww.coachingwithroy.com<\/a>
\n407-687-3387<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Roy Biancalana, Certified Life Coach With February being the month of love, you will be bombarded with tips about romance and how to make your love life more fulfilling. And that\u2019s fine. But what you\u2019re unlikely to hear about, though, are the sinister forces at work that make a fulfilling love life impossible. In […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_autoblog_aioseo_focus_keyphrase":"","_autoblog_aioseo_title":"","_autoblog_aioseo_description":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[85],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12280","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-expert-interviews-and-podcasts"],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t