{"id":12265,"date":"2016-10-01T16:43:00","date_gmt":"2009-10-01T16:43:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.accessrx.com\/blog\/?p=61"},"modified":"2009-10-01T16:43:00","modified_gmt":"2009-10-01T16:43:00","slug":"reveal-not-conceal","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.edrugstore.com\/blog\/expert-interviews-and-podcasts\/reveal-not-conceal\/","title":{"rendered":"Reveal Not Conceal: So Easy a Caveman Can Do It!"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Roy Biancalana,\u00a0Certified Life Coach<\/strong><\/p>\n

Permit me to vent a little bit. I am sick and tired of people in the media stereotyping men as being Neanderthals when it comes to intimacy and communication. For example, the other day my wife showed me an article written in Oprah\u2019s magazine in which some \u201cexpert\u201d was saying men don\u2019t like to talk about their feelings, share their fears or even make eye contact with \u201ctheir\u201d woman in conversation. The writer said it had something to do with our biology and history as cavemen.<\/p>\n

Well, men, I don\u2019t know about you, but my knuckles don\u2019t drag on the ground! We\u2019re not cavemen; we\u2019re not the stereotypical 1950s male; we\u2019re not our fathers. We are evolving. We can and do talk about how we feel, and this article is designed to continue this evolutionary process.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019ve been following this blog, you know that last month we began a series on the Relationship Fundamentals. We said that intimacy is just like any sport: Success results from mastering the fundamentals, doing the \u201clittle things\u201d impeccably well. And we said the first \u201clittle thing,\u201d the first relationship fundamental, was to \u201cstop blaming and take responsibility.\u201d<\/a> Blame is like a football team not being able to tackle. You can\u2019t win if you can\u2019t tackle and you can\u2019t win in intimacy if you blame. It\u2019s as simple as that.<\/p>\n

Fundamental #2: Reveal Rather Than Conceal<\/strong><\/p>\n

Now we turn our attention to this month’s fundamental, and I’ll be the first to admit that it can be frightening. This month’s fundamental is to \u201cReveal Rather Than Conceal.\u201d<\/p>\n

In a great relationship, partners live out loud with each other. They tell each other the truth\u2014the microscopic truth. Feelings, wants, decisions, thoughts, emotions and questions are not concealed, they are revealed. Intimacy is transparency. If you conceal, hide and withhold from your partner, you are not in a healthy relationship.<\/p>\n

In a healthy relationship, partners don’t protect each other from the truth, they respect and value each other (and themselves!) enough to reveal it. The saying, “What they don\u2019t know won’t hurt them,” is a blatant lie. In my experience, and I do have some in this area, living incongruently and being out of integrity erodes your soul, saps your aliveness and often leads to physical and\/or financial disaster. <\/p>\n

I admit, however, that if you reveal rather than conceal, it might get a little dicey between you and your partner. That was my experience. Space does not permit me to share my full story, but suffice it to say that I led a relational double life for a little over a year. And contrary to what you might see in the movies, it\u2019s a horrible way to live. I was a professional concealer and I can tell you it doesn\u2019t work.<\/p>\n

But what does work, and I know this from experience too, is being a revealer. Being open, transparent and honest\u2014living out loud\u2014ultimately creates harmony, happiness and closeness. Remember, there are only two paths in a relationship. The first is love, which means you reveal in order to relate; and the second is fear, which means you conceal in order to control. Those are the only two paths open to you. One leads to \u201cheaven,\u201d the other to \u201chell.\u201d And trust me, as I\u2019ve said, I\u2019ve been to hell.<\/p>\n

That said, I don\u2019t want to give you the impression that only the \u201cbig\u201d stuff needs to be revealed. Most men, thankfully, aren\u2019t living double lives. Yet, if we want a great love life, we also need to refuse to withhold, hide or conceal even the \u201clittle\u201d things. Reveal your feelings, fears, mistakes, beliefs, needs, actions, dreams and decisions. Your partner can handle it. If they can\u2019t love and accept you for who you are and what you\u2019re experiencing in life, then so be it.<\/p>\n

Remember, your absolute highest priority in life is to be you and to hold nothing back. If your partner (or anyone for that matter) can’t handle who you are, then why would you want to be with them anyway? You deserve to be loved for who you are, not for who your partner, or anyone else, wants you to be.<\/p>\n

Live out loud. Tell the microscopic truth. Make your inner conversation public. Be transparent and open. Don’t control your partner, but love them enough to tell them the truth. Reveal what you have the urge to hide. In my experience, though it might get ugly for a time, a commitment to this fundamental leads to intimacy, trust and bliss. Though this might seem daunting, it\u2019s not. It\u2019s so easy even a caveman can do it.<\/p>\n

Roy Biancalana is an author, life coach and former PGA Tour player.<\/p>\n

roy@coachingwithroy.com<\/a>
\nwww.coachingwithroy.com<\/a>
\n407-687-3387<\/p>\n

Additional Resources<\/strong>
\nwww.about-personal-growth.com<\/a>
\nProvides advice to help people realize any future success starts with personal growth.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Roy Biancalana,\u00a0Certified Life Coach Permit me to vent a little bit. I am sick and tired of people in the media stereotyping men as being Neanderthals when it comes to intimacy and communication. For example, the other day my wife showed me an article written in Oprah\u2019s magazine in which some \u201cexpert\u201d was saying […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_autoblog_aioseo_focus_keyphrase":"","_autoblog_aioseo_title":"","_autoblog_aioseo_description":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[85],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12265","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-expert-interviews-and-podcasts"],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t