Executing and performing are things that must take place in both football and relationships. Speaking of that, are you ready for some football?! It\u2019s that time of year, and as a Chicago Bears fan, I’m hoping my team drastically improves its performance this year: and I mean everything from scoring in the Red Zone, to converting\u00a0third downs and running the two-minute drill. If\u00a0any team\u00a0wants to be successful in football, they have to consistently execute in\u00a0critical areas.<\/p>\n
Likewise, if we want to be successful in relationships, we too, must consistently execute and perform in some critical areas. However, most of us guys know more about football than we do about love and intimacy! For example, if I asked you to come up with ten things a football team has to do to win and ten things a man must do to succeed in love, which would be easier for you? Even though I am a relationship coach, the football list is easier for me!<\/p>\n
But that is tragic because no matter how much it upsets us when our team loses, it\u2019s nothing compared to the heartache and misery that we experience when our love life fails. So, over the next few editions of this blog, I am going to discuss a number of commitments that we must make if we want to be successful in our love lives.<\/p>\n
Commitment # 1: Stop Blaming and Take Responsibility<\/strong><\/p>\n I\u2019m going to pull a Nancy Reagan here and tell you to \u201cjust say no\u201d to blame. You will never have even a decent relationship, much less a great one, if you play the victim by blaming your partner for your feelings, problems or experiences. If you can make a commitment to yourself, that you will never, ever, under any circumstances, blame your partner for anything, your love life will radically be transformed. This is like the commitment to stopping the run in football. You can\u2019t win without it.<\/p>\n But what do you do when you are absolutely, positively certain that something is your partner\u2019s fault? Well, first, keep your commitment. Don\u2019t blame. Just don\u2019t go there. Don\u2019t let the words come out of your mouth. Instead, redirect that accusation energy and use it to fuel deep self-inquiry. In other words, turn your certainty into curiosity. Ask yourself this mind-blowing question: \u201cHow might I be responsible for what\u2019s occurring?\u201d<\/p>\n I know how bizarre this sounds. When I first heard the principle that we are 100% responsible for our reality, I thought it was New Age mumbo-jumbo. But when I actually investigated a situation or two that I was sure was someone else\u2019s fault, I always found that I either allowed, invited or required things to be exactly as they were. My curiosity led me to see that I had, in fact, set the whole thing up. This doesn\u2019t mean that our partner (or anyone else) doesn\u2019t have their part, for they too may be 100% responsible. It just means that without us, things would not be unfolding as they are. Let me give you an example.<\/p>\n Know the\u00a0Mate\u00a0You Chose and “Deal With It”<\/strong> He knew exactly who she was before they got married! She was simply continuing to be the woman she always was. How then could he claim to be the victim and blame her for his pain? He set the whole thing up. He chose to date and then marry a girl who was a committed cheater. As Jimmy Buffet said, \u201cSome people say that there\u2019s a woman to blame, but I know, it\u2019s my own damn fault.\u201d<\/p>\n Now, is she responsible for her behavior? Of course she is. She was a relationship addict. She certainly had issues. But the critical point is this: None of it could have occurred without him choosing to ignore who he knew her to be. Does this mean he should stay married to her? No! It means he can take responsibility for how he created the mess and for what he wants to do about it now. In the most literal sense, this is absolute freedom.<\/p>\n And this freedom is only available to those who \u201cjust say no\u201d to blame and instead inquire, investigate and wonder about how they are responsible for what is occurring in their lives. This is, without question, the most challenging commitment that we will discuss, but living it brings maybe the greatest, most profound results. If you have questions about this, I invite you to contact me. I\u2019d love to explore it further with you.<\/p>\n Roy Biancalana is an author, certified life coach and former PGA Tour player.<\/p>\n www.coachingwithroy.com<\/a> Executing and performing are things that must take place in both football and relationships. Speaking of that, are you ready for some football?! It\u2019s that time of year, and as a Chicago Bears fan, I’m hoping my team drastically improves its performance this year: and I mean everything from scoring in the Red Zone, to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_autoblog_aioseo_focus_keyphrase":"","_autoblog_aioseo_title":"","_autoblog_aioseo_description":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[85],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12262","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-expert-interviews-and-podcasts"],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t
\nI once worked with a couple that was on the verge of divorce because the husband had found out that over their 20 year marriage, his wife had about a dozen affairs. When I first talked to him, he was, of course, terribly hurt, but he also saw himself as the total victim of her behavior and blamed her for ruining their lives. \u201cHow could she do this to me?\u201d he said. As we talked, I asked him to tell me about the early days of their relationship, back when they were dating. He said, \u201cWe broke up three different times when we were dating because I caught her seeing other guys.\u201d<\/p>\n
\nroy@coachingwithroy.com<\/a>
\n407-687-3387<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"