Highlights
- Scientists have identified the characteristics of sexual boredom, including bedroom routine and low intimate satisfaction.
- According to a new study, men are more prone to sexual boredom than women.
- Most women who are bored in the bedroom either have a libido problem or don’t desire their current partner.
- Making sure sex is pleasurable for both partners helps couples avoid boredom.
- Our four-step process for curing sexual boredom can get your love life back on track.
Sex is supposed to be one of the most exciting human activities. Why, then, do so many people complain about sexual boredom? According to a recent Portuguese study, both men and women experience intimate boredom, although men seem to be more at risk. For many women, the roots of the problem can be found in the relationship itself.
Defining Sexual Boredom
Most of us have an intuitive understanding of boredom, but everyone understands this concept differently. Researchers have been on a quest to define sexual boredom. This, they believe, would help couples dealing with intimate problems.
In 2021, a group of Portuguese researchers asked over 600 people of various ages, genders, and sexual orientations to define sexual boredom. Here are the main themes they discovered:
- Routine. Couples complain about monotony in the bedroom. Some even experience sex as an obligation.
- Sexual response. Boredom is linked to the loss of desire and lack of arousal.
- Hedonic value. Without sexual satisfaction, intimacy may feel boring.
- Frequency. Do we stop having sex because it’s boring, or do we get bored because we’re not doing it often enough?
- Emotional connection. Sex can stop being fun when you don’t feel interest in your partner anymore or your relationship satisfaction is low.
New Study Sheds More Light on Sexual Boredom
Recently, the Portuguese researchers took their study of erotic boredom a step further. This time their goal was to map out the patterns and see whether men and women experienced sexual boredom differently.
Here’s what they learned.
Men Are More Prone to Sexual Boredom
According to the survey, females have lower levels of intimate boredom compared to males. At the same time, men report higher sexual desire. These results are in line with the ideas of evolutionary psychology: Men are biologically programmed to seek new partners to reproduce.
For male participants, sexual boredom isn’t connected to the loss of desire toward the partner. This is an important hint for therapists, who should look for other causes of male boredom with their erotic lives.
Science may continue to help us understand this phenomenon and help couples struggling with infidelity. Older analyses have revealed that a staggering 71 percent of men cheat out of boredom.
Two Types of Sexually Bored Women
Female participants who admitted to sexual boredom were divided into two groups. One group had low libido in general. These women didn’t show interest in partnered sex or masturbation.
Women in the second group had active sex drives, but they weren’t directed at their partners or spouses.
With these findings, sex therapists can more accurately address the causes of sexual boredom and find the right solutions. A woman with low libido will need different support than a woman who lost interest in making love with her life partner.
In the second scenario, the couple needs to get out of the sexual rut and find ways to increase erotic satisfaction.
Don’t Let Sexual Boredom Destroy Your Relationship
Feeling bored is not always a bad thing; it can be a call to take a good look at your relationship. Happiness is not something we achieve once and for all — we need to put in the effort to keep the excitement going.
Here’s a four-step process to fix sexual boredom in your relationship.
1. Recognize Your Triggers
Awareness is the first step to solving any problem. It can be uncomfortable to admit to yourself and your partner that you’re bored. But only by acknowledging that something isn’t right can you begin to change it.
Start by observing your sexual reactions. Notice when you’re bored with intimacy. You may recognize it by negative thoughts, your mood when making love, or your readiness to try something new between the sheets.
Try to analyze your triggers. Is this something that’s coming from you, or is it more about your partner? If understanding your patterns is hard, speaking to a sex therapist or sex coach can help.
2. Change Things Up
If you’ve been married or partnered for years, sex can feel like that brownie you always order for dessert. Sweet, nice and . . . predictable.
Now imagine you’re having dinner at your favorite restaurant, but the chef decided to give you a little surprise. You take the first bite of that familiar treat and realize it’s been made with a dash of hot chili! It tastes different — unusual and exciting.
Just as spice can transform the culinary experience, novelty can help you see your sexual connection in a new light.
It’s not about trying new positions every evening or spending a fortune on sex toys. The secret of using novelty to prevent sexual boredom lies in timing and an element of surprise. Don’t overdo it, but experiment regularly.
3. Prioritize Pleasure
When people say sex is boring, very often they mean that it’s not fun anymore. Women in particular have been taught to tolerate discomfort and lack of orgasm.
If you don’t want to give boredom a chance, make pleasure a priority for you and your lover. Talk about intimate needs and troubleshoot if needed. (For example, women’s sexual desire can be affected by pain, which can often be treated.) Experiment until you find a recipe for those moans.
4. Protect Your Sexual Health
Sexual boredom can mask problems with your sexual health. Challenges such as erectile dysfunction can take a toll on intimacy. Don’t wait too long if you feel your body is not doing its job in the bedroom.
Modern ED treatments with Viagra, Cialis, or Levitra act quickly and help you get the physical hurdles out of the way. By bringing spontaneity back to your erotic life, ED medication may be the key to solving the boredom puzzle for you and your partner.
Get the Right Treatment With eDrugstore
Sometimes the hardest part of solving a problem is knowing where to seek help. At eDrugstore, we make it easy to get your sex life back on track.
Our blog is your source of expert tips on all things sex and relationships. And our comprehensive online service gives you everything you need to access the best ED treatment in the shortest time possible. Learn more on our erectile dysfunction page.
Anka Grzywacz is a sexologist, reproductive health expert and Certified Sex Coach™. In her online practice she helps busy women and couples solve their intimate problems.
