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Is Your Bedroom Sex-Ready?

Make your bedroom a sanctuary from the outside world.

Make your bedroom a sanctuary from the outside world.

You don’t necessarily have to have an inviting bedroom to enjoy sex there, but it wouldn’t hurt.

Many partners – particularly those who have been together for many years – can easily find their vibe thrown off by piles of laundry awaiting attention, a jar of olives that somehow didn’t make it back to the kitchen, or a flimsy lock that may or may not keep the kids out. Taking the bit of extra time to make your bedroom inviting and personal can help you focus on what’s important when you and your partner get it on: each other.

The bedroom is not a shared area of the home the way your front foyer or living room is, but that implied “separateness” of the bedroom gives you license to create the perfect space for you and your partner, where both of you can feel relaxed, comfortable, and not distracted by the many non-romantic aspects of life. Here are some ideas on how you can make your bedroom the inviting haven you need to enjoy intimacy with the person you love.

Decorate With Both Partners in Mind

Even if one of you doesn’t care at all about interior design, if one person makes all the decorating decisions, the room will naturally feel more like his or hers than both of yours. Both of you should feel as if you have an equal stake in your room. This may involve mixing elements that are meaningful to each of you, but at the very least it should involve equally inviting bedside elements on each side of the bed, even if they’re not a matched set. You don’t want one partner walking into his or her own bedroom and feeling like a guest in their partner’s room.

Get a Decent Lock

For women in particular, “mental deactivation” is important in enjoying sex, and it’s hard to do this when you’re worried about kids (or roommates or pets) overcoming the flimsy lock on your bedroom door. You probably don’t need a deadbolt, but a decent spring lock that can’t be jiggled open or operated with a hair pin can be a worthwhile investment in your sex life. Knowing that the worst interruption you’ll face will be a knock can be just the thing that lets couples relax and make the most of their time alone together.

As Much as Possible, Keep Technology to a Minimum

We’re used to carrying phones and tablets with us everywhere, and these devices are widely used as alarm clocks, e-readers, and music or video streaming devices. Ideally, these devices shouldn’t be within reach when you and your partner are intimate together. At the very least, place them across the room or in your closet.

Television is another piece of technology that can make it all too easy to avoid sex. Sure, it can be fun to snuggle up on a cold night and watch a movie, but that can turn into an everyday routine that drains the intimacy out of your bedroom. As much as possible, you should save your video watching for the living room, which also has the advantage of being a setting where the whole family can enjoy a show together. What’s more, eliminating excess technology from the bedroom can help you sleep better too.

Appeal to Multiple Senses

Aside from being visually appealing, a bedroom that appeals to all the senses helps couples enjoy sex more. A simple dimmer switch for your lights gives you control so that you have sufficient visual stimulation, plus the feeling of closeness that dimmer lighting inspires. Choose light bulbs with a “daylight” spectrum, which mimics natural light and isn’t unflattering the way many fluorescent bulbs are.

You don’t have to drown your room in scent to make it smell appealing. In fact, overdoing it could be a distraction, particularly if one of you suffers from allergies. Mostly, you want your room to be clean so that it smells clean. Two or three drops of your favorite essential oil on your pillows can make your room more appealing to the sense of smell without overwhelming you with scent.

You’ll probably not want to shed all your clothes if your bedroom is freezing. And excessive heat can keep you from wanting much physical closeness. Don’t feel guilty for cranking the AC up when it’s hot and humid. You can always change the thermostat back later. If you turn back the thermostat on winter nights, a small, silent oil-filled radiant space heater costs about $30 and can be just the thing to make your room more comfortable.

A good playlist can enhance closeness and put you into a psychologically good space. But if you use your phone or tablet to stream music, make sure you commit to not checking it should someone call or text. If you doubt your ability to do this, put your phone in airplane mode (You may have to manually set it to pick up Wi-Fi in this case). You can always check your messages later.

 

The right music can make your bedroom that much sexier.

The right music can make your bedroom that much sexier.

Don’t Save the Best Design Elements for the Living Room

Couples – particularly those without a lot of money – tend to focus their decorating ideas and dollars on shared areas of the home. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having an inviting entertainment room, dining room, or kitchen, but make sure you honor your bedroom by outfitting it with care. This may mean placing beautiful artwork on the walls, splurging for well-designed bedside tables, or investing in high quality, natural fiber sheets with high thread counts. Your bedroom is a special place, and deserves better than “leftover” furniture from the rest of the house, or from your days as a student.

But Don’t Let Your Bedroom Become Too Cluttered

Quality is more important than quantity in creating a serene, inviting bedroom. Clutter is distracting and hides your bedroom’s design. Plus, nobody wants to smell the pile of socks that has accumulated since you got behind on laundry. Part of having an uncluttered bedroom is using smart storage for keeping things organized. Ultimately, however, all the organizational tools and containers in the world can’t make up for the simple fact of having too much stuff. Maybe it’s time for a purge of your belongings. Goodwill or other charity stores would probably love to have it if it’s clean and in reasonably good condition.

Conclusion

Does a beautiful bedroom guarantee good sex? Of course not, but a cluttered, disorganized bedroom filled with clashing colors and distracting technology can take some of the fun out of sex. Making your room attractive to the senses helps you relax, and shows that you value your relationship by making your most intimate shared space appealing to both of you.

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Don Amerman has spent more than three decades in the business of writing and editing. During the last 15 years, his focus has been on freelance writing. For almost all of his writing, He has done all of his own research, both online and off, including telephone and face-to-face interviews where possible. Don Amerman on Google+