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Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Semen But Were Afraid to Ask

From a certified sex therapist come these answers to frequently asked questions about semen, a topic rarely discussed in polite society. Learn how what you eat can affect the taste of your semen.

They say that if a man lives long enough he will ultimately die from prostate cancer.  On a similar note, in my world, if a workshop goes on long enough somebody will inevitably ask about semen. Well here it is folks, your comprehensive guide to semen in 500 words or less.

First off, semen is not to be confused with seamen. Although many seamen are men, and most men have semen, and most semen contains 1 percent sperm, not all seamen can swim.

On the other hand, living sperm within semen can swim and generally do so at a nautical speed of 7 inches per hour. Switching to air travel for semen, no seamen can fly but most semen can.

High-Powered Semen

In fact, semen blast off during the initial ejaculatory launch at a speed of nearly 30 mph and can fly up to 3 feet in the air. This is exactly why the U.S. Naval Command encourages their young seamen to wear safety goggles during masturbation. Semen presents dangers to even the most experienced seamen.

As for the taste of semen, all men try to convince their partner that semen tastes like honey. The fact is, however, that most men have never drunk a full serving of semen so they don’t really know what semen tastes like.

In my experience as a couples counselor, I have noticed, however, that the taste of semen is often impacted by the state of the relationship. Imagine that!

The taste of semen can also be affected by a change in diet. Things that tend to make semen taste “yucky” are alcohol, meat, garlic and onions.

Smoking Pollutes Semen’s Taste

Smoking is no longer chic, and it pollutes semen’s taste.

Although smoking after sex used to be culturally chic, cigarettes are toxic and will pollute the taste of semen, thereby giving women yet one more reason for men not to smoke. Not to digress, but smoking will also make your penis shrink. Getting back to the taste of semen, medications can also impact the taste of semen. How wrong would it be if Viagra made your semen taste like squid guts? (It doesn’t).

We can’t have a serious discussion about the taste of semen unless we address caloric intake. New FDA guidelines require a nutritional label to be prominently displayed on the side of each erect penis. Upon examination, you will find said nutritional label indicates that the average serving size of semen is 1 tablespoon and contains less than 20 calories, a high proportion of which is protein. There is no trans fat and very little sugar. While doing research for this article, I found that Weight Watchers does not indicate the number of points for a single serving of semen.

If you really want to make your semen taste like honey, here are some tips. Drink lots of water and increase your intake of fruits, particularly melons, pineapple, cranberry, apples and grapes. Most vegetables are also encouraged except asparagus, cabbage, broccoli and cauliflower. In conclusion, as you can see men, there is much to consider when it comes to semen.

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