“Fast and Furious” movies may have been a box office hit, but when it comes to sex, being too fast will only make you . . . frustrated. Approximately 30% of men worldwide experience premature ejaculation (PE).
Studies show that men with PE report lower sexual satisfaction. And yes, there are ways to last longer in bed. But what about women? How does an early ejaculation affect a female partner? (Hint: That’s up to you!)
What is Premature Ejaculation?
There is no single definition of PE. Men who suffer from it say that they reach orgasm very fast – too fast for their partner to get any satisfaction out of intercourse. Most modern sexologists prefer using the term early ejaculation (EE) because it sounds less judgmental.
Why Does PE Happen?
In the past therapists treated PE as a psychological concern. Today we also consider the physical factors that contribute to early ejaculation. If you have other health problems, such as type 2 diabetes or urinary tract conditions, you are at greater risk of developing PE.
It is a common misconception that rapid ejaculation is typical for young men. According to the National Health and Social Life Survey, the prevalence of PE is similar in the younger generation of men (18-29) and in older males (50-59).
What She Said
Do ladies care if their partner comes too fast? Not as much as you think! Women commenting on early ejaculation in popular online forums said it wasn’t a big deal. Some were even flattered to know their lover was so excited by them.
Studies of heterosexual couples have confirmed the women’s lax approach to PE. While the ejaculation patterns did have some impact on the sexual satisfaction of the couple, they did not lead to significant relationship problems.
In my own counseling practice, I noticed a worrying trend among female clients. Many women who come to me with orgasmic difficulties tell me their partners have a tendency to come quickly. They cannot reach climax because the intercourse is too short. At the same time, they believe it has to be this way. For some reason, they treat PE as the norm, not a sexual dysfunction.
What Happens After
Early ejaculation is not a deal-breaker for the majority of ladies — on one condition. If the man comes very fast, he must take care of his lover’s pleasure after. Turning over and falling asleep is not an option here.
As a society, we are used to thinking about sex as something that ends when the man comes. Adult films are designed this way. The reality is much different. There is more to sex than penetration.
If you tend to come quickly, make sure to take care of your partner’s needs before or after. Give her great oral or caress her, using her favorite toys. Most women don’t orgasm through intercourse, anyway. The clitoris is our main pleasure organ, so give it some tender loving care.
Talk About It
There are many ways to deal with PE and prolong intercourse. To find out what works, you need to gather the courage to talk to the doctor and your partner. Without it, your problems will only get worse.
Many guys think it is not masculine to ask for help, but women value men who seek counseling. For us, this is a sign that you treat the relationship seriously.
If you suspect you have PE, talk to your family physician. If you don’t feel comfortable discussing intimate problems with him or her, consult a doctor specializing in men’s sexual health, for example, a urologist.
Another important step to take is sharing your concerns with your partner or wife. You are in this together!
Techniques to Deal With Premature Ejaculation
There are several ways to prolong intercourse that you two could try out. The most popular is the squeeze technique. When you get too excited, signal it to your partner and pause any movement. Your lover should squeeze the base of your penis until your arousal drops.
An alternative to the squeeze technique is the penis ring. This affordable accessory works by restricting blood flow to your penis. Remember to put it on before you get fully erect and not to keep it on longer than 20 minutes at a time.
For some men, it is easier to keep an erection longer the second time around. Their trick is to masturbate before lovemaking. You may also include manual stimulation as part of your erotic play with a partner. After you come, take the time to rest and stimulate your partner. Soon enough, you should be ready to go again.
This technique is especially useful for men with a short refractory period. This is the time your body needs to recover and prepare for another erection.
Small Changes, Big Results
Condoms are another simple solution that could work for you. Some men say that the sheath slightly reduces their sensitivity, and they can last longer. Experiment with different brands and condom types. Latex ones are your best bet. Condoms made of polyurethane or polypropylene provide more natural sensations, so they may not be as effective for PE.
The final method to try is desensitizing gels. Apply them before intercourse to reduce sensation and delay ejaculation. Use it on the penis and under a condom. (Otherwise, your lover’s sensations will also be numbed!).
These methods to prolong orgasm don’t work for every man, but whether premature ejaculation adversely affects your relationship is completely up to you. There are many ways to bring a woman to orgasm, and penis-in-vagina sex isn’t even the best way for most women! With communication and experimentation, you and your partner will find ways to make sure you both get that happy ending.
For couples who want to give controlling PE a try, at eDrugstore, we offer a specia/l premature ejaculation kit to help you make love longer. The kit features 20 tadalafil (Cialis) tablets, condoms, desensitizing gel, and reusable penis rings. Learn more about the kit here.
Anka Grzywacz is a sexologist, reproductive health expert and Certified Sex Coach™. In her online practice she helps busy women and couples solve their intimate problems.