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Romantic couple in bed

Are Men Getting More Comfortable with Sex Toys in the Bedroom?

Men once viewed sex toys as something of a threat to their manhood. Now they seem to be realizing that these so-called toys can fire up sexual relationships that have gone stale.

Sex toys aren’t a threat to anyone’s masculinity. Women have known this for ages; now it seems that men are catching on to the idea as well.

Sex toys are also nothing new; they didn’t arrive on the scene with the popularity of “Bow-Chicka-Bow-Bow” naughty movies from the 1970s, or even racy still shots and silent blue movies in black and white. In fact, sexual experimentation and play has probably always been part of a healthy adult life.

The Huffington Post UK  examined the history of sex toys, at least for women. From their research, some of the earliest toys are recorded as far back as ancient Greece. And then in the early 1900s, the first steam-powered (yes, you read that right), vibrator was developed as a medical device for the treatment of women suffering from “hysteria.”

Men Shy Away from Them

Although women have largely been the target market for sex toys, it’s likely that men were behind their creation and manufacture. Why, then, have men shied away from buying them? The consensus seems to be the fear of inferiority. To women, this doesn’t make a lot of sense. But for a man who wants to be king of the bedroom, it is a little more logical.

What’s interesting about toys is that they really can improve your love life. If there’s boredom between the sheets, it’s a pretty safe bet that a new toy can add some excitement. They’re not intended to replace you; it’s not a competition. They’re intended to make sex more fun. And where there’s fun, couples find sexual encounters more rewarding and perhaps even more frequent. That can lead to happier relationships all the way around.

Why Are Men So Reluctant?

Sex toys can spice things up.

Hernando Chaves, a California-based marriage and family therapist, has taken a lot of questions about sex and relationships. A concern from one of his loyal readers, and the answer that follows, might give you some insight into why men have spent so many years being shy about the idea of sex toys.

Chaves’ reader explained that his once-bashful girlfriend was coming out of her shell and developing a curiosity about sex toys. He worried that because of her new interests, she might cheat on him, leave him, or start to believe that he wasn’t a good lover.

The good doctor’s reply said, “I’ve never come across any information or research that suggests women have left men because of their sex toys. Usually women leave men for reasons other than not being battery-operated.”

The metaphor he gave to his reader fairly well sums it up. “You don’t get angry with your car for being able to get you to work faster than your legs.”

Attitudes Turning Around

The doctors who described the women who used that first powered vibrator had it all wrong. But at least it was a start. Women weren’t hysterical; they were sexually frustrated.

The Victorian era was full of contradictions, though. Everyone appeared prim and proper on the surface, but history shows some interests in their private lives that seem shocking by comparison.

From seances to tattoos, and nipple piercing to nude (or mostly nude) and suggestive photographs, it’s evident that Victorian good folk might have been demure on the surface but were just as prone to curiosities as anyone nowadays.

Consider Fifty Shades of Grey

This facade of propriety isn’t dying an easy death, but popular culture is helping a bit. Consider Fifty Shades of Grey.

happy young man, portrait

You might not be Christian Grey, but you can still have a lot of fun!

Love it or hate it, because it’s certainly got its critics, one thing is sure — this novel has encouraged more women, and more men, to become a lot more open about sexuality in general, and sexual play, specifically. This is a good thing.

Fifty Shades of Grey isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. There is a not-so-thinly-veiled dominant/submissive theme where the hero, Christian Grey, coaxes the heroine, Ana Steele, out of her shell by becoming her dominant lover. And what is it that Mr. Grey has in his bag of tricks? Sex toys, of course.

More men are openly buying sex toys now than ever before. Could Mr. Grey be the motivation? Perhaps. If so, author E. L. James is worthy of the praise she’s been getting.

Sex Toys Can Improve Your Love Life

Any couple that stays together awhile will undoubtedly reach a point where boredom sets in. Sex becomes something that you do, instead of something that you really want. This isn’t necessarily bad, but it could be a lot better. Men who occasionally have difficulty achieving or maintaining an erection might even think there’s a physical problem, when all that’s wrong is the spark is fading out.

An erection begins with stimulation. That’s a necessary component of the whole process for any man. If the same old routine makes sex almost seem like a chore, then it’s logical that you might not rise to the occasion every time.

At that point, there are a few directions you can go. You can follow down the path of the scores of bored couples whose sex lives get duller and duller. You can decide that there’s still a spark left in you, and try to find what (or who) ignites it again. Or, and this is the best alternative, you can embrace the idea of bringing sex toys into the bedroom, and watch those flames kindle back up again.

happy couple in bed

Finding the person you want to be with is the hard part. If sex toys can bring back the fire, why not use them?

Sex is supposed to be fun! It’s not an embarrassing thing, and it’s certainly not an area of your relationship where you want to feel shy or inhibited, or keep secrets. If stimulating lubricants and vibrating toys make both of you feel the way you want to, then there’s no reason at all not to buy them. And she’s not the only one the market caters to — there are toys designed for you, too.

The era of sexual liberation was presumably over after the 1960s, but there’s still a way to go. With more men buying sex toys, it looks like we’re still on the right track. All it takes is an openness to talk about it and a willingness to experiment and play.

Lubricants, especially those that increase sensation for both partners, are designed to make sex more fun. And they’re the perfect accompaniment for toys. eDrugstore.com sells his and hers lubricants, Stimula for Men and Stimula for Women. If you’ve experienced difficulty achieving or maintaining an erection, eDrugstore also offers a full line of  ED medications, including both brand-name and generic products. To learn more, visit eDrugstore’s Erectile Dysfunction page.

 

Don Amerman has spent more than three decades in the business of writing and editing. During the last 15 years, his focus has been on freelance writing. For almost all of his writing, He has done all of his own research, both online and off, including telephone and face-to-face interviews where possible. Don Amerman on Google+