How do you define sex? Chances are high you think it’s all about intercourse. But what is a man to do if he has erectile dysfunction? Contrary to popular belief, you can have orgasms without getting hard.
This article explains how men can experience sexual pleasure when erection is unlikely. It provides insights and tips on how to use the power of touch in the bedroom.
Is Erection Necessary for Orgasm?
The connection between an erection, ejaculation, and orgasm is ingrained in our culture. Many people think that a man can’t come if he doesn’t ejaculate. This belief is strengthened by adult films. And it is not true.
Take men who have undergone radical prostatectomy (removal of the prostate gland). They often suffer from ED for at least a few months after the procedure. Also, their bodies are no longer able to produce ejaculate and yet, these men can experience orgasms.
An orgasm without an erection is not a new phenomenon. Ancient traditions such as yoga, tantra, or Taoism discuss techniques of sexual release without an erection or ejaculation.
Skin – Your Biggest Erogenous Zone
To expand our thinking about male pleasure, we need to rethink erogenous zones. We all know a joke or two about women overcomplicating things in bed and men who are simple to operate. Just stimulate the penis and you’re good to go. The reality is a bit more complicated than that.
A 2016 study of over 700 participants confirmed that men saw the penis as their top sexual organ. But there was more! Researchers found a major difference in the perception of erogenous zones during masturbation and partner sex.
The survey revealed that during self-pleasure practices both men and women focused on their genitals. When a lover was involved, whole-body sensations began to play a much greater role.
Touch is our primary source of pleasure from the moment we are born. Babies thrive when they are cuddled by caregivers. As adults, we function better if we can touch and be touched. For example, massage can help lower our stress hormone levels.
Here are some tips on how to enjoy pleasurable sex using the power of touch:
- Explore a Sensual Massage
What is the best way to get in the mood, relax, and release negative emotions? A sensual, loving massage. If you struggle with your erections, exchanging pleasurable touch with your partner can be a great way to keep the fire going between you.
Don’t worry if you have no massage training or experience. Turn on some nice music — it will help guide your movements. Make sure the room is warm, and use a high-quality oil. Start from the feet and go all the way up, or focus on one body part.
If you want to make the experience more sexual, encourage your partner to focus on the upper thighs, pelvis, buttocks, and genitals. Even with the lack of an erection, you will feel a nice tingling sensation, especially as more blood begins to flow to that area.
- Sensate Focus
Sex therapists use a special sequence of exercises to help couples rekindle their desire. Sensate focus is a method developed by pioneers of modern sexology Virginia Johnson and William Masters. This is a step-by-step approach where couples focus on non-sexual forms of touch first and gradually move to intercourse.
If penetration is not possible due to ED, focus on the touch part alone. The key here is to switch roles. First, one partner is a giver (for example focusing on touching and exploring the other’s hands). The other person pays attention to receiving. After a while, you can switch sides.
- Temperature and Stimulation
Believe it or not, erectile problems can be a blessing in disguise. As you look for solutions to regain your full sexual function, you can explore the sensual side of sex. Start by experimenting with temperature.
Arrange a caressing session in a warm bathtub. Try applying ice cubes to different parts of the body, and notice how it feels.
You can also get creative with sensory objects. Use a blindfold to focus on feeling the sensations on your skin. Have your lover tease you with feathers or silk or scratch you with a hairbrush. Get creative and have fun!
There’s a reason why “Fifty Shades of Gray” became such a book and movie hit. Many of the BDSM practices presented in the story focus on so-called impact play. Spanking can be a source of orgasmic pleasures if you’re adventurous enough.
BDSM is an umbrella term for different erotic practices that have to do with power exchange (dominance and submission) and many types of role play, often involving a degree of pain or discomfort.
For many people spanking has nothing to do with punishment. Receiving this kind of touch from a partner can help increase circulation and make your skin very sensitive and receptive.
Tristan Taormino, expert in the field, explains in “The Ultimate Guide to Kink” (Cleis Press, 2012):
“Some of us get spanked just because it feels good — it’s purely about the sensation of a cadenced beating. … The goal is not to hurt the receptive partner, but rather to give them an erotic and sensual experience.”
Remember — if you are curious about impact play, discuss your fantasies with your lover first, and agree on ground rules. Make sure to communicate throughout the experience so that both of you feel good about it.
- Intimacy and Togetherness
You don’t need to go into sexual experiments to get the pleasure out of touch. Hugging, stroking, and cuddling are your best bet to nurture intimacy. They boost your feel-good hormones and increase the sense of security. Sometimes this is all you need to regain your ability to have an erection.
Remember that ED is highly treatable. Talk to your doctor about available solutions. Most men have great results with pills such as Viagra and Cialis. To order a prescription online, visit us at eDrugstore.com.
Anka Grzywacz is a sexologist, reproductive health expert and Certified Sex Coach