It isn’t every day that a couple dozen sex and relationship therapists are handed to you on a silver platter, their brains yours for the picking. But that’s exactly what happened when we set out to create “He Said, She Said,” a brand new ebook that identifies the one thing men want in the bedroom as well as the one thing women want. From that bevy of information, we give you 6 resolutions to make your sex life sizzle in the new year.
1. Make your partner feel valued – Yes friends, the keys to a great sex life often happen outside the bedroom. Making your partner feel like they are special, loved, cherished and appreciated goes a long way toward setting the mood. A bolster of self-esteem often makes a person feel sexy and more willing to set themselves free…which benefits you, of course!
2. Eliminate obstacles – In a female’s eyes, the path to the bedroom is littered with “should-dos.” Should pick up a mess, should reschedule an appointment, should straighten that pillow, etc. The job of the man is to eliminate distractions by guiding the woman to the bedroom, keeping her focused and engaging her in the moment so her mind is in the right place. Or, if the pressures of the day become too consuming, try initiating lovemaking in the morning before anyone becomes preoccupied.
3. Get in the game – Unfortunately, when you treat sex as something on your “To Do” list, the actual act can become mechanical, predictable and, well, boring. Becoming an active participant will set the mood and open things up for more fun, exploration and, ultimately, satisfaction. Not only that, but you and your partner will have a greater mind/body connection that can carry over into other areas of your life. So when you hit the sheets, remember to be present in the moment and enjoy it for all it’s worth.
4. Connect the dots – Sometimes sex is just sex. But mostly it’s a way for couples to connect on that oh-so-deeply intimate level. Yet to connect in the bedroom, it is truly important to connect outside of it as well. Reinforcing your bond with your partner will enable you to be freer and more responsive to each other both in and out of the sheets. So take time to play together, workout together, or even just watch TV…anything that will bring you together on a level not associated with sex can help things really gel when it is time to get funky.
5. Shout it out loud – You think your partner is sexy, right? Tell her so. That one move that he does that rocks your world? Give him props for it. Taking the time to tell your partner that you think they are sexy, desirable, good in bed, etc. can mean a world of difference when it comes to spicing up your love life. Think about how great it would feel if your partner lavished you with praise. He or she most likely will when you get the ball rolling and share the love. After all, everyone loves a confidence booster and confidence breeds more confidence…which can mean great things in the bedroom!
6. Unabashedly use the “C” word – And by “C” word, of course, we mean Communication. Because really, communicating with your partner is at the crux of your sexual relationship, like it or not. In fact, each of the points listed above is directly or closely related to communicating. Remember, your partner is not a mind reader. He or she may not know what is troubling you, what you want, what you expect, what you like or don’t like, etcetera. While it’s not always comfortable to sit down and chat about your innermost feelings and desires, it does get easier with time and it is a very necessary component to a sizzling sex life. Start small, (“I need a date night in order to get in the mood”) and get more specific as you go along, (“I read about a great new position. Do you think you’d want to try it?).
Having a stellar sex life isn’t easy. But it isn’t that hard, either. Remember, the two of you are partners in the relationship. When you work hard to be sure the other person’s needs are met, your needs miraculously become met as well. And sure enough, things get easier, sexier and more satisfying over time. Use these tips, download “He Said, She Said” to learn even more, and enjoy one hot sex life…starting now!
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